The liberation of Bella Swan
by BlueEyesRedWrists
Summary: Bella isn't sexually satisfied with her boyfriend, but what happens when her boyfriend's roommate is going to show her ropes to a much more freeing, liberating and orgasmic lifestyle? Obviously lemons. OOC, AH. BDSM and related themes.
1. Chapter 1

I was nervous to bring it up again. He had made it pretty much clear he wasn't going to try. All I could do was either try again or ignore what I wanted in life.

I was sitting in Edwards bed in my new lingerie. White. Lacey. He had said that he wasn't into all the scary black looks. Granted he said that about leather and latex, and special other wearable goodies, so I went back to the basics. And very light under garment colors.

I was trying not to look too ready to get frisky, as he would understand where I was going.

I was making it look like I was changing into a nighty, just holding it, listening to his far footsteps, waiting for him to get closer.

As Edward entered the room, he stopped dead in the tracks. He squinted his eyes looking at me. Not the reaction I had hoped for, but I had his attention.

I mustered a smile "You scared me! I was changing." I pulled the white nighty I had in my hands, over my head "Are you ready to come to bed?" I smiled at him.

He slowly moved to the bed, still suspicion in his face evident "So, you got new underwear?"

I nodded. I wasn't going to tell him I was a regular at the town's lingerie shop and the sex shop, consulting with the workers, how to open Edward up to more sexual liberation. It wasn't working, as far as now.

So I was playing innocent. Perhaps he needed to slow into it. Really slow into it.

"Bella, if this is, again, about us trying something perverse, I am not -"

"Edward, stop!" I interrupted him not wanting to hear more "I just needed something new, something I could wear every day. Don't worry about it." I might have lied to him about that one. I was quickly running out of options.

I know I had to try. I just didn't have it in me this time, seeing as it was another no without me even asking. I couldn't face another no. I got under the blankets "I'm gonna go to sleep now, if it's okay." I felt tears coming and I wasn't about to cry in front of Edward about sex.

I heard him breathe out "Bella, it's not like I don't want you – I do! And I love you! But it's just not something that I am into."

If my eyes weren't closed, I would roll them "You're overreacting. It's just white underwear that I was in the need of. Sorry."

He didn't say anything. I wasn't any type of tired, but I didn't want to be conscious enough for him. How did we manage to stay together for two years? I wasn't satisfied. In the beginning I though that it was just something that was normal – missionary, sex ending with his orgasm, hers just being a secondary thing, that might not happen.

I always knew I was into more. It always attracted me and now, when I had felt secure enough with Edward to tell him this, he looked at me like I was a pervert, and wanted to touch me less.

I heard him walk around and eventually get in bed. I felt him coming up closer, but he didn't put his hands around me. No more cuddles as I was a sex fiend.

I knew he had fallen asleep when his breathing became calmer. More deep. And of course the snoring helped notice it too.

I slowly got out of bed and out of the room.

Sleep still wasn't coming to me.

Edwards apartment was shared between him and another guy, Jasper, that was out tonight. Regularly that would mean that we would be going at it, missionary or not. I took off my nighty and looked at myself in the full-length mirror in the bathroom. I didn't think something was wrong with me, but who knew?

As I was overlooking myself over, I was neither fat nor skinny, though I was definitely not on the skinny side. Edward never said that he wanted something more or less, body size way. In fact, he did tell me I was beautiful, and I believed him because I also thought that I was. I didn't think I was a gem, but I liked myself enough to be comfortable.

I was becoming more restless and I needed a drink.

I could almost always count on a beer in this flat, if nothing stronger. In fact, I knew there was something stronger, but I opted for the beer in the fridge. I opened it and sat down on their sofa.

I remembered when I brought it up to Edward that I wanted to try more. He had laughed at it and asked me if that something was ribbed condoms. Maybe I should have picked that, instead of laughing and explaining that that something was being spanked, chocked or maybe hit, among other things. He didn't look the same at me after that.

It made me feel damn worse when I realized that he didn't want me not because of how I looked but because of me, as a person.

I was about to go into a mindset I wasn't going to come back from sober, when I heard the front door open. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I left the nighty next to the mirror and the sofa was right next to the door, meaning I had no place to run.

"Be quit, he and his girl are sleeping probably." I heard his flat mate say to someone. Awesome. More company.

Jasper didn't even finish his sentence as he saw me. There was no reason to hide seeing as there was nowhere to hide, even then I still tried to cover myself with hands. His eyebrows shoot up as he saw me, eyeing me. I wasn't going to lie; it gave me a tingly feeling when I saw Jaspers eyes looked me up and down.

"Jasper, you didn't tell us there was a gift waiting back at yours!' A beautiful, out of this world, blonde girl said.

She was clinging to a muscular guy, who just smiled at me and went to the fridge.

"I couldn't sleep, so I -" I pointed to the beer, I had in my hands "Sorry, I'll pay you back. I should get back to the room." I got up to leave.

"Be careful what you say now. Stay. You're not bothering us, and you could use some company. No girl in pretty lingerie should drink alone in a weird apartment." The blonde snickered and went to the muscular guy, leaving me with Jasper.

"Bella, these are my good friends, Rosalie and Emmett. Guys, this is Edwards girlfriend, Bella." He did the introduction, as he took off his jacket, revealing a tight black t-shirt. He took the t-shirt off as he gave it to me. I didn't expect him to do that.

"Thanks. Nice to meet you guys." I pulled it over head.

Emmett came and sat in the loveseat next to the sofa "So what's with the lonely birthday suit party Bella?"

I blushed and before I could answer "Aww, Jasper you were right! Blushing like a virgin!" Rosalie laughed. I didn't know if I should be offended or not. Had he talked about me to them? How I blushed? And what was with the virgin thing?

Jasper came back, wearing a hoody, an apologetic look on his face "Sorry, it's just that Edward is so cut throat clean, ya know? I assume- assumed you were too." He sat next to me, something different in his glass than a beer, Emmett and I was sporting.

He was so right about Edward and he wasn't even sleeping with him. Well, neither was I. I took a hefty drink from my bottle, choosing not to answer. Perhaps I should just go to bed and deal with this by not dealing with it. Ignorance is bliss, right? And those two years weren't that bad. I should invest in a vibrator then. We could still be alright…

Before I could get up, Jasper put his hand on my leg, urging me to stay "Come on. What happened?"

"I'm not nearly drunk enough." I smiled at them. Rosalie was sitting in Emmett's lap. They must be together. I wished I could do that with Edward as well. I looked at my bottle. Perhaps it would feel good to talk to someone about this "It's complicated. I'm worried that Edward and I aren't exactly compatible."

"So, what, he doesn't like the white underwear?" Jasper asked, with a little smirk in his eyes.

"So, Edward isn't such a prude! It's okay, Rosy can help you go shopping for some shinier stuff to flash between his eyes! She knows just the place." Emmett laughed, already finishing his beer, cuddling Rosalie in his hands.

I felt myself blushing more. It felt like my face was becoming darker and darker, embarrassment coming in waves "It isn't that, right?" Jasper asked, a knowing look on his face.

I noticed his hand was still on my leg. I answered, "No. He wasn't into anything I was into, and I thought that this, white and nice and fluffy would be easier on him." I took a sip "He doesn't even want to touch me since I told him what I wanted to do. The soft lingerie was too much…"

The silence fell heavily until Rosalie asked "What is it that you want to do?"

I put my bottle down on the table, still noticing Jaspers hand on my leg, not moving it, not even a little bit "Everything. I haven't had the chance to try anything, but I want to." I didn't want to give a real answer, in case they won't be as open as Edward.

"Bella, let me get this straight. You want to have kinky sex and your boyfriend doesn't want to. Am I right?" Emmett mused, as he was getting up. I just nodded "And so even your fluffy soft look didn't work out?" I nodded again. "Well then," he smiled, almost laughing "Do you know where we came from tonight?"

"Emmett…" Jasper warned him.

He just laughed and went to the kitchen. Rosalie asked me if I wanted another one and after my confirmation left too.

I turned my head to Jasper "What did he mean?"

Jasper squeezed my leg and I hated to admit that I enjoyed it more than I should from my boyfriend's roommate.

"Where were you tonight Jasper?"

He still had a hold of my leg "Do you know something about BDSM? Anything?" I nodded in disbelief. I felt myself getting wetter than I've been in a long while "So, you know that it's basically a lifestyle. So, tonight was just a meetup of those type of folk."

I nodded. I could see the slight irony of what Emmett said now. Where were they by the way?

Seeing as they weren't in the sight, I chose the opportunity to ask "What's it like? Being in there?"

He smiled and moved his hand up and down my leg "You should come and see it next month."

I bit my lip and didn't even try to look as if I wasn't interested. Jasper was flirting with me and I was jumping out of my skin for the slightest affection. I was answering him, in ways that I could. I didn't take his hand off or my eyes from him and his mouth.

"You sure about that? They'll eat her alive." Rosalie said, handing me another beer.

I shifted. I didn't even notice them moving back in the room.

Jasper got up from the couch, leaving a hot trail of his hand on my skin, the place becoming colder.

"Maybe that's what she wants to." Emmett kept joking, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I haven't had any experience." I admitted again "I would love to just see how it is. I want to try those things and finally – FINALLY be..." I stopped until I said something I would regret.

"Satisfied?" Rosalie asked. I didn't need to answer them for them to understand that it was a yes "What would your boyfriend say? Seeing as he isn't too keen on this certain type of things."

Jasper came back with his drink and was standing on the end of the sofa, looking at me.

I though about Edward. I could explore and still be with him. I would be satisfied in my perverted ways, as he had put it, and he can still have his missionary. We could be better than ever.

"He'll sleep better without knowing." I answered bluntly.

Jasper kept looking at me. It was hard for me to read his face, so serious suddenly.

"Jasper can help you, perhaps." Emmett said "He is looking for a sub."

I was still looking at Jasper "Do you know what that is?" Jasper asked.

"A submissive." I answered, remembering some google searches.

"We can talk about it later, if you want." He assured me.

"Yes. I would love to."


	2. Chapter 2

It was Edwards birthday; and there wasn't a party. He had said that he didn't want to throw a party, that he just wanted to have dinner with me, his sister and his parents. The place was fancy- beautiful and expensive. Edward was really proud that he could afford it himself this year. His parents could afford pretty much everything he wanted, but Edward didn't want to depend on their wealth and power anymore. And for the past year, he was actually capable of doing it. He did save some money for this event though, which was nice and I was on strict directions to not tell his father that.

It was the two of us at the restaurant, waiting for the rest to arrive, and for a change he was being affectionate. It was something I hadn't expected, since the other day he got so offended because of my white undies. It had been a full month since we were having a fight about where our sexual desires were heading. Or weren't.

He was holding my hand on the table, his new watch, I had gifted him, proudly on his hand. I too was working hard to give him a gift he would be proud to wear. I saved some money as well, doing extra shifts and hours at the library, saving money on food on others stuff. The good news was that he loved the gift.

His face twisted suddenly, and he huffed out "Bella, about the other night... I'm so sorry I overreacted. I googled those things and I just don't think it's in me, you know? And I didn't want to be pushed into something I wasn't comfortable doing. I want us to just be us again."

I was slightly annoyed he was bringing this up again and at his birthday dinner no less, where his family was about to arrive at any moment.

Trying to look at it differently, perhaps it was a good chance to clear it up. I was thinking about Jasper since then, and I shook my head automatically. Ok, but perhaps, I didn't need to have my sexual fantasies fulfilled. A lot of people weren't sexually fulfilled, and they were okay... Right? I had a good boyfriend who cared and loved me. Why couldn't it be enough?

"It's okay Edward. It's nothing." I said squishing his hands in mine, hoping that I would believe what I had said to be true "I hope you'll enjoy your birthday, sweety. Speaking of which; Where's Alice?"

It wasn't like I didn't want to be with him, but if there were more people around us, perhaps I could believe that we were meant to be. His family loved us as a couple, our friends always thought that we were a match made in heaven. It was tiresome and not true, but I needed it sometimes as well so I could believe it myself.

He looked at his cell "Oh, Alice called!" With a furrowed brow, he let go of my hand and started to text, what I presumed was to Alice.

"Well, thank you for answering, dear brother." Her voice rang behind us. I turned back to see her standing there, her hands on her hips "Happy birthday! Now come give your sister a hug!" And he did just that. He almost covered all of her, her frame being so small.

Alice was such a fire ball in life. She was nice, she really was. Alice was always doing something, meeting someone and seeing everything. We tried to be friends, but I couldn't really handle her bossy nature. She had said that she wanted a sister, but I always thought that it was a doll she wanted. Edward was always so sad that we didn't click as friends, but I never understood it – I was always polite and nice to her, I just didn't want to spend my free time with her. I of course didn't know what she said to Edward about me.

I got up from my seat to give her a hug as well "It's lovely to see you Alice!" I commented "Where are your parents?"

She looked me up and down and smiled. I didn't know what she meant with that smile, I never did, but it didn't make me feel better. I was wearing a pink strappy satin dress, that I loved, and I knew I looked good in. I tried not to overthink it as I had gotten that dress before Edward had told me about the intimate dinner. In contrast to me, Alice was wearing a long, fluffy black chiffon dress.

"Esme and Carlisle are on their way as a matter of fact. No less than ten minutes. What are we having?" She sat down next to Edward, looking at our drinks.

The evening was mild. It wasn't bad, it was lovely more or less. It felt fancy and glorious. It also felt cold, his parent barely engaging – I didn't want to disappoint his parents, so I was extra smiley towards everyone.

Since we all had champagne, we decided to take an uber back to Edwards. I was feeling anticipation because I knew Jasper was there. It was nothing, at least I told myself that. Nothing happened but I guess nothing had to happen, for me to get excited. The idea was exciting enough. The night with Jasper ended with his friends saying he could help my little problem. They decided to head out again, saying that they came back for something – they didn't specify what, and I was left to retrieve to Edwards room. I hadn't seen him since, seeing as I was at my place since his birthday tonight.

I turned to Edward, not being able to stop what I was thinking about, hoping that I was going to channel some of those feelings towards him "You looked really good tonight." Whispering to him I slipped my hand in his jacket and kissed his neck.

"Bella…" he didn't say anything else, and as he turned his head, we kissed.

I was almost in his lap, when we pulled to his apartment building, and we went out in the cold air quickly. We couldn't take our hands off of each other as we were stumbling to his place.

As we were close to his building, he pushed me against the wall, and deepened the kiss. I knew he had it in him! His hands were everywhere, and I couldn't melt enough in them. See? I could live with doing that, if he was engaging at least like this. It was something and I was finally happy to be with him again.

When I hitched up my leg, I was barely thinking, but what was coming to me was that finally he was giving in! Or even touching me. And it was exciting too! It wasn't just under the sheets in the dark – it was where everyone could see!

Just when I moaned, Edward pushed off of me, leaving my coat open, myself feeling bare and the disappointment coming to me already, not even knowing what he was about to say, but having a slight idea where this was going.

"Bella let's go inside. This is so… uncomfortable." And he did look it. He was looking at his feet with his hand in his hair.

I felt heartbroken. What turned me on, what made feel alive, made him feel uncomfortable. I felt tears coming to my eyes, and I pushed past him, inside the building, beelining in the apartment.

"Bella!" he was yelling after me. I could tell he was becoming angry.

I could tell he was running after me, as I entered the apartment.

"God Bella! Can you stop overreacting? It's not rocket science – I don't want to fuck in public! What's so hard to understand about that!" he exclaimed so loud I was sure the upstairs neighbors heard him.

I wanted to yell back at him, but I stopped in my tracks when I saw Jasper sitting at the kitchen table, trying very hard to ignore us. I was more embarrassed suddenly than I was before. Jasper knew more than he should know and Edwards outburst just cemented that.

I turned to Edward, trying to calm down "It's your birthday. I don't want to fight. Let's just go to bed?"

He seemed shocked that I was saying what I was saying, and I carried on "I get it. I finally get it Edward. I just want us, that's it." I lied through my teeth.

Did it matter that I lied? He nodded and went straight to his room, with me.

Once Edward was sound asleep, I went out of his room to Jasper who was still sitting in the kitchen. He had his laptop open and some books around. He was probably studying, no questions about if he was busy or not. I just realized that I didn't know what he was studying or if he was, and what he was doing with his life. I didn't know much about Jasper. Then again, why would I?

But I should know, seeing as what I was about to say to him.

"I'm sorry about your fight, " he looked up from his business "seemed like the same old same old?" He had his hair in his eyes, and I was going to lie if I would say he didn't look beautiful.

"Yeah. I just must come to terms with him not being a sexual person. I realize that we won't be having the sex that I want… Hell, we're not having even the sex that I don't want." I only half joked about that.

It actually sucked how true it was.

Jasper sat up straighter, and turned his head, looking at me, really looking at me. I felt like he could see inside of me, like he was looking for the truth. And I was about to give it to him.

"What are you going to do about it?"

I felt myself go beet red as I knew what I was going to say, "What did you friend, Emmett, say about you knowing how to help my problem?"

He smiled at me slightly "And Edward?"

This is where my blush covered my neck and chest as well "He doesn't have to know. I just want to know more about the lifestyle. I want to be a part of it. Edward will always be Edward, and I can't change that." I admitted.

He licked his lips and my eyes went down. How was it that I was more excited now than I was for the whole night with Edward?

"So, you want to keep it pg13?" he smiled "We can try. I still have to get to know what you like and what you don't."

I nodded in anticipation, biting my own lip. It was a nervous habit I had picked up, that I was trying to unlearn.

"Not now though, okay? I have to finish this first and then we can talk if you want." He still had a smirk on his face.

I looked at what he was doing. Of course, he didn't have time to educate or to show me now- he was busy.

"What are you studying?" I finally asked.

"I'm not studying. Just doing research for work. I'll be done in like twenty more minutes, do you think you can wait? It's late, we could also do this another day if you're too tired."

"I can wait." I nodded and got up from the kitchen and went to sit in the sofa, to watch some television. Truthfully I was a bit sleepy, but I wanted to wait.

I started to drift off, but I was still watching some comedy video show that on.

Jasper came over, sat next to me and put his hand on my chin, turning it towards him "If you really want to learn, I can show you, really show you."

I couldn't speak, I just nodded; ready for whatever he had instore for us. I was ready.

"Turn around." He showed me the cuffs he had with him and I did what he said, feeling myself getting wetter and wetter by the second. I turned my back towards him, and he cuffed my hands. He started kissing my back slowly towards my neck, biting in occasion. I was tingling all over and I was going to do whatever he asked me to.

"Jasper please." I begged him, not even knowing what I was begging for.

"Tell me Bella, what do you want."

"Bella?"

"Bella?"

"Bella, you should go to bed."

What?

I slowly opened my eyes and looked at Jaspers icy blue eyes. I tried to pick my brain but came up blank. I was so embarrassed. It was a dream. It was just a dream! I had a sex dream about Jasper, my boyfriend's roommate… Or started at least to dream one up.

"I must have snoozed off." I mumbled.

He smiled a toothy smile "Yeah, it seemed like it was a good one. You were making all the happy noses."

I felt the heat on my face, but I stayed silent. I also noticed both of Jaspers hands were holding me still.

"Will you tell me what your dream was about?" He asked, slowly caressing my shoulders.

I shook my head, too embarrassed. I could never.

"Well, one of these days you will."


	3. Chapter 3

I ended up going to bed, too embarrassed by Jasper to actually look at him and talk to him about the things I wanted to be done to me.

When I woke up, Edward was already gone. He didn't bother waking me up as he was leaving, so I took it as a clear invitation for me to stay here. It was Sunday and that only meant one thing – he was at the gym. I had some business with Jasper, so I didn't mind.

It was a good thing I had some overnight clothes here, so I wouldn't have to be wearing the satin dress or the pj's I sex dreamed in in front of Jasper. I put on the jeans and the t-shirt I had here and went out looking for him.

I didn't know what I was expecting to find; him on the sofa or again sitting at the kitchen table, but he wasn't out in the living area. The shower was off as well, meaning he was in his room. I've never been there before, and I was getting more nervous than before.

I knocked once and waited for an answer. When I didn't get one, I knocked again. God was I waking him up?! I was about to kick myself when I heard him call out to come in.

As I entered, he was putting on clothes. The scene reminded me of when I was pulling my nighty over my head when Edward came in the room, the other night. I looked down on my feet, embarrassed to see his naked torso. It's not like I haven't seen it and it's not like I didn't want to see it. It just seemed too early to eye fuck him.

"I didn't mean to disturb you." I said, "I can come back later."

He shook his head, smiling "You're not disturbing me."

Silence fell upon us and I didn't know what to do. Should I beg him or ask politely? He knew why I was here so why not just give me what I asked for? I was shifting my weight foot from foot.

Why couldn't he just get it over with?

He came over to me, standing in front of me, finally saying "Tell me what it is that you wanted?"

I hated this so much… So why was I getting tingly? Was he really waiting for me to say it? Again? I wanted to bite my lip off.

"I want you to show me… The way for my problem?" I tried.

"What exactly is your problem, Bella? Spell it out for me." he squinted his eyes

"I want to be satisfied." I started to breathe heavier, feeling suddenly too hot "I want you to show me how to be that."

He smiled, putting his hand on my shoulder. I was afraid that he was going to lean in and kiss me… And, I was afraid that he wasn't "Let's sit down. I have a list of things written down, so it's easier to navigate what you want and not, what you're into and not. We can navigate between what you want and between what I want."

I swallowed and nodded. Suddenly, I was very quiet. I was too nervous. I looked everywhere but him. His room was really nice. It was bigger than Edwards, surprisingly. It had the same white floorboards as it did throughout the house. He had a bigger, fluffier bed, with four huge bed frames – I couldn't imagine getting out of it, once I was in it. It seemed like the most comfortable thing. Every furniture he had though was black, and sleek. I noticed a big painting above his bed, classical and beautiful. The style was something I had seen before, but the painting didn't register.

Jasper noticed me looking at it "The painting's by Alexandre Cabanel. It's called Nymph Abducted by a Faun." He looked at me again "Let's go to the kitchen? Common area."

I looked at his table, the only thing that was messy in this room, full of books and papers "I see why you use the kitchen table."

He smiled and nodded, guiding me out of the room "Bella, I want to get to know you before we do anything, if we will that is. I only know you as Edward girlfriend. What I thought about you was completely wrong."

I laughed "Yeah, a week ago I thought you were the shy flat mate Edward had."

"Does he know about this?"

"No… I need to explore this first." I shook my head. I didn't want to open that can of worms now.

He nodded "What do you do Bella? How old are you?" he asked sitting down.

"I'm twenty-three. I'm doing my master's in literature – I want to go into publishing. Other than that, I work in the library." I shrugged. I knew that I was saying something, but I wasn't really telling him anything. I tried again "I didn't really want to go into studying, just travelling. But it just so happened that I did start something that I enjoyed. How about you?"

"I'm just a year older than Edward. I work in physiotherapy." Edward turned twenty-five yesterday, so Jasper must've been twenty-six "I'm happy with what I do and what type of a person I am. I got in the lifestyle when I was kinda young. I knew what I wanted, I knew I wasn't going to settle for less and I never did."

"How did you get into it?" I had to ask.

"It was the things that always got me horny and what didn't. With my partners I always tried to try something new I found on forums and other sex friendly platforms. Some worked and some didn't. When I was of age, I tried to go to meetups and parties and so on, meeting like-minded people. It has been a good journey."

I wondered why I never went into the same route. Deep down I knew – the same reason Edward didn't want to touch me. Females sexuality wasn't a good thing, in society "And then there's me."

He smiled "Welcome. Where do you identify yourself in?"

What.

"I mean, there are a lot of ways to identify yourself in the lifestyle, but just to start off with the most basic one. A dom or a sub? Do you want to do something to someone or do you want them to do something to you? "

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears "Both?" I wasn't sure.

"Would it be something to please, if you were to do something?" I swear his eyes were getting darker "Or would it be, let's say, to make them feel pain?"

"The first one." I tried to answer as casually as I could. The word submissive was a beautiful one to me. I wanted to please, and I wanted someone to do as they pleased with me.

"It's good. I myself, identify as a dominant. There are things I like and some things I don't. Though there aren't a lot of things I don't like. What are you into? What do you dream about Edward doing to you? What did he tell you he wouldn't do to you?"

Que the blush.

"That blush. It makes me wonder, Bella. But do go on."

"I had asked him to choke me, and he said no. I also asked him to spank me and he told me no. When I mentioned I wanted my hair pulled, he said he could never hurt me, so anything physical was out of the window. So, I asked him to call me names and he was disgusted by it. Then I surprised him with an outfit, and we had a huge fight. Since then he doesn't want to touch me."

He shook his head "He's a fool. So, you imagine of being spanked, chocked and your hair pulled. Is there something else, you didn't tell him, that you crave physically?" He asked as if he already knew the answer.

I knew it as well, and I had to look at my hands as I answered, "In fact there is, I imagine I would love to be taken advantage of."

"Consensual non consent." He nodded "When no doesn't mean no. Good." He liked it. I didn't even bring this up to Edward seeing as he overreacted to spanking. "And names? Slut? Bitch? Cunt? Whore?"

All I could do was nod and swallow. When he had said that I knew I was horny. That's what did it. His eyebrow slowly lifted up, silently asking me to answer and I mustered up "Yeah, all of them."

He nodded again. I could smell him. He filled my nostrils and I wanted to get lost in him. "There's this one BDSM test, I think it would be sufficient of you to do it and show me the results. I have an excel of various things where you can grade them from one to five, one being a 100% no and five being 100% yes. Can I have your phone number?"

We exchanged our numbers and I tried to keep calm "It's Jasper what?"

"Jasper Whitlock."

"Bella Swan." I answered the same.

"What is it that you like, Jasper?" I finally asked. I had wondered that for a while. He seemed so mysterious and free. I wanted to just be near it, and dream to experience it.

"I have a list of fetishes, Bella. I don't want to tell you what exactly because I don't want you to pick something just because you know I like it. We can talk about more of it -" He stopped dead in his tracks, as he heard the door being unlocked.

I swear I heard him mutter something under his breath.

As the door was pushing open we heard "… And then she had the nerve to invite me on the last day, can you imagine how bad it made me feel?"

I heard Alice's voice. What was she doing here?

Jasper got up from the table and turned to the high voice of Alice Cullen, probably wondering who this girl was coming into his apartment.

First, we could see Alice and Edward right behind her. Alice saw Jasper and stopped dead in her tracks, Edward almost hitting into her. Alice looked good, stylish and fresh – like she always did.

"Hey man," Edward said to Jasper "Remember, this is Alice, my sister"

Jasper stepped forward, giving her his hand "Of course. I'm Jasper, nice to meet you sweetheart." I saw Alice smile and suddenly, I felt like a hot iron was thrust in my throat and I wanted to go home.

Edward noticed me sitting, behind Jasper "Bella! You're awake!" He came up to me and kissed my temple I looked up at him and smiled. I didn't know Alice was coming. It bothered me because I feel like he didn't even consider me enough to tell me that someone was coming over.

I was trying not to think how Alice was looking at Jasper, and why it made my stomach drop. So easily she had gotten them both.

I got up from the seat and went inside Edwards room. Just as I was walking in the room, I heard Alice laugh at something Jasper said. I also heard Edward excuse himself and come with me inside his room.

"Hey, where are you going?" he asked sheepishly.

"Oh, I'll just get my bag and slowly go home." I smiled at him, trying not to show my emotions. For one, I didn't understand them myself. What the hell was I doing? I had to have time to myself and clear my head.

"Oh… If you really want to." He did sound sad about it.

I took a look at him. I missed us in a way. I changed the subject a little "What is Alice doing here?" I finally asked.

"Oh, she came over a couple of nights ago and thought that Jasper was cute." He smiled "She was begging me to invite her when he was home. I forgot to tell you, love." He hugged me from behind "By the way what were you guys talking about?" When he asked me that, I bit my lip. Was this was going to be like it? Lying to him… But was I doing something wrong? It felt wrong and right at the same time.

"Nothing really. I was waiting for you to come back." I turned and kissed him.

What I had imagined was going to be a peck on the lips, but it turned out to be heated kiss, and this time induced by Edward not me. I was surprised to say the least. He kissed me deeper, pushing his tongue inside my mouth, laying me gently down on the bed.

Oh!

This was finally happening.

I took his t-shirt off and he repaid me by doing the same to me.

"You're not wearing a bra." He mumbled against my neck, trying to undo my jeans "God, you truly look gorgeous Bella."

I didn't say anything, but I was thinking that my breasts were probably on display for Jasper, just the thin material of my t-shirt between us. His words rang in my head clear _Slut? Bitch? Cunt? Whore?_ I imagined Edward calling me that.

I couldn't help but to moan.

Edward took that as a sign to get my jeans off and his fingers inside of me, and I remembered my dream last night. Closing my eyes, I could see Jaspers eyes looking at me. I felt hazy with my daydreaming of men.

I had forgotten how skilled Edwards fingers were – this was kinky for him, fingering me before sex. I would take it, it was better than nothing. I finally was feeling so good.

The knock on the door interrupted us "Keep going." I whispered, begging him, hoping to god that he wouldn't stop.

"Edward? Mom is calling for you." Fucking Alice!

"Damn it." He muttered "I'm sorry." He got up, adjusted his jeans and put on another shirt, probably going to say something about getting changed because god forbit what we were doing here was sexual in nature.

I didn't lay around with my naked breasts for too long, rather getting up and getting my stuff, leaving, while bee lining for the door. I didn't think too much of it just that I had to get out.

I did make it out of the apartment, but not the apartment house, when I felt hands coming around my waist.

"Edward, let me go please. I just want to go home, we'll talk later." I said calmly.

"I'm not Edward." The voice definitely wasn't his "Come here." Jasper pulled me in a hug "What happened?"

It felt weird and weirdly secure when I was in his hands. It felt more friendly than sexual.

I felt tears fill my eyes and I was trying so hard not to let them spill "He finally touched me, but as soon as there was the tiniest thing, he just left. Again." I felt my tears spill and I tried to pull away, but Jasper wouldn't let me.

"Let me take you home." He squeezed me "It's the least I can do for you."

I looked up at him. I knew he was tall, but as he was hugging me, I realized just how tall he was.

Did I want him to take me home? Did I want it to be Edward?

I nodded towards him, and he just pushed in the other direction of the building, at the back entrance, where his car must've been parked. I needed to distance myself from Edward.

Half of the way to my place, I was crying. I felt lost being with Edward. How was it that this was happening. But truthfully, this wasn't the first time. It also wasn't the second and the third time. The fourth or the fifth… It has been happening for almost all the time we have been together, but since I brought it up, I just see it tenfold. I was lying to myself before, telling myself that this is what a relationship was.

Jasper didn't say anything. He let me cry in his beautiful slick car

Why did I have to value sex so much? I rubbed my eyes raw not knowing the answer myself.

I looked at Jasper again. Who was this beautiful stranger? I barely knew anything about him and I trusted him. Did I trust him?

"Tell me about yourself." I mumbled, not trusting my voice fully.

He gave me a glance quickly and turned back to the road "What do you want to know?"

"Anything." I needed something to focus on.

"I grew up in Texas, with no siblings, with no animals, but one hell of a mom. I never knew my father, but not because he was out of the picture, but because he died in a car accident when I was little. I have very little memories of him, the ones I have are sometimes confusing and pleasant. I lost my virginity when I was fifteen. I had no idea what I was doing, and I wasn't very good at what I was doing." He laughed a bit about that "Should I keep going?" He looked at me and I just nodded a yes, not speaking, just listening "I loved swimming so much I thought that I was going to pursue that in a university but the fate so happened to be quite different. I injured my shoulder and I had a gorgeous physiotherapist. We had a thing, but she showed me something more, and I liked her job enough to pursue that. Now I work but I mostly do research. I try to help people how much I can without losing my own health." He looked at me again "Your turn. You must have been thinking about it, but why are you with Edward?"

I rolled my eyes. I was wondering the same thing "I have no idea… You can park right there." I showed him a spot. I had a feeling he was going to come up.

And right I was. He took my bag from me and followed me upstairs. The three story walk up had me almost out of my breath, but Jasper seemed completely at ease. I really needed to start doing something, but I couldn't be bothered. Not now anyways.

I had a small one-bedroom apartment. It was cozy and warm always. I walked in the kitchen to make some tea, seeing as I was going to be talking. When I heard him walk inside the kitchen, I answered in more depth "Edward has always been nice. He is someone to have a future with."

"So, you gonna marry 'nice'?" he leaned against my counter.

"He is sweet, and he cares about me." I answered him almost rudely. Why did it matter to him! I knew I was getting angry because me myself didn't know why and what was the reason.

"Do you have a bath?" he asked suddenly. How… random.

"I do…"

"Go put on a swimming suit, I'm gonna run you a bath. Before you ask why on those things, firstly, I don't know you like that for you to be naked in front of me right now, and a bath because it will relax you and calm you down. Before you can say that you don't need to – trust me on this, okay?"

When I went to change, showing him right where the bathroom was, I was thinking about myself and Edward. And Jasper was really interested in that. I could understand that it was important to him seeing as what we were talking about doing… But what was it, that we were going to do? Was it just spanking or was it something more?

It wasn't like he wanted to see me naked. He did say to put on a swimming suit. If I wanted, I could just come out naked. I didn't think I could do it. And I didn't think I could stay in my room. That bathtub was going to mean something.

I walked back to him, to a half full tub, and he helped me in. I swear he tried not to look at my body.

He sat down at the end of it "So did you think about Edward and you?" I scowled at him and he smiled at that "Okay, tell me how you two became an item?" He really was so keen on knowing, it was driving me crazy.

"I was getting coffee and he came up to me. At first, I thought it was because he wanted to chat me up, but it turns out I took his order. He teased me that my coffee was too sweet for anyone to drink, and I fell for that, and so he asked me out and we have been together ever since. Two years now." I always thought that it was cute. It was a nice story to tell people.

"Meet cute!" he exclaimed "And why did you stay with him?"

I shrugged, feeling the water relax my muscles. Jasper was right. I felt more comfortable "Honestly… I think because it was a relationship that made me feel safe…"

He nodded "That's honest. Give me your foot."

I reluctantly gave it to him, and he pushed on the muscles in it and I swear to god I almost came then and there. Who needed sex when you could have a foot rub!

"Why do you need to know so much?" I asked him. He was almost grilling me on Edward.

"Well then… You're in a relationship with someone, asking me to do what exactly? Edward is the third person in this relationship. I know him as a flat mate and before this I knew you as his girlfriend. Now you're becoming Bella Swan, a girl who is interested in the lifestyle, asking me to do the introduction and he is becoming the sad boyfriend who can't do the job, who it seems like, shouldn't have been in the picture in the first place." He kept massaging my foot as he was talking "Darling, I need to know. What it is you want me to do? Is it sexual or platonic? BDSM can very rarely not become sexual between two people. But if it is sexual, I don't think I want you to cheat on someone you say you love. I don't want you to become Bella Swan, the girl who made a big mess of her desires."

Was I cheater? Was this cheating, what I was doing?

"No, no sex… I just want to know how it will be like. Is it just in my mind, or is it reality and worth the heartbreak?" I was too ashamed to admit that perhaps if I hadn't gotten this idea in my head that I needed it Edward and I would be golden. So I had to be sure if this was going to work out and if leaving Edward for something like that was worth it – I would hate myself if I would do something that wasn't worth it. I can forgive myself for being spanked by a stranger, or even my foot being massaged by one. I knew we weren't for each other, but I was afraid anyway.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him, knowing I was almost naked, in a bathtub, Jasper massaging my foot.

"This is what it's going to be like. After I, if you want me to of course, spank you and otherwise punish you, after I have done everything what I have wanted and what you have let me do with you, while you're a whore and a cunt and whatever, I will make sure you're alright. I will take care of you because this is what it's like. You will hate me and idolize me sometimes, sometimes you will adore me for my actions. But at the end of everything you make the rules, and your wellbeing is important, and I will take care of it seeing as I will do the opposite to it as well."

"When do we begin?"

AN: Okay so this coming sooner or later – Hi to everyone who has made it this far! I hope you like the story, and I hope you like to give back – I sure as hell love to read what you guys are thinking and feeling about this. I am trying to upload as fast as I can, seeing as I love to type this story out. I'm not gonna lie – the reviews make me type faster. The next chapters should be fun, so I hope you're gonna stay and play with us 3 See ya!


	4. Chapter 4

My phone was ringing and ringing, and ringing. Did he not understand that I wasn't able to pick up the phone? Why keep calling when I haven't answered the previous calls? In Edwards defense, I_ was_ ignoring him slightly for the past week. But I was sitting in a lecture, this time for real, and I wasn't able to answer him just when he wished to! In fact –

"If there aren't any questions, we are done for today! Thank you guys and I will see you later.." The professor said.

Goddamnit.

Call it a sign or whatever, but I knew I had to pick up the call so I answered the phone "Hey, my lecture just ended, how are you?" I tried to sound as normal as possible.

"Jesus, you didn't call me back yesterday. What happened?" He sounded annoyed and worried. I understood why though.

"I fell asleep." I lied "What's up?"

I would also usually just text him that I was studying seeing as the semester was ending and I had to study a bit more. Truthfully, I had finished most of my tasks already, and I just had to show up to the lectures. In fact, I talked to Jasper more and more in the evenings. We were becoming more like friends, talking about literature and movies we liked and wanted to see. We talked a lot more about BDSM as well, I was getting to know more ins and outs of it.

"Can we get a coffee or something? I know there's something bad happening, and I just haven't seen you. I need to know what's happening."

I wanted to lie again, and say that there wasn't anything wrong, but I knew I was avoiding him. It was really obvious too, and he knew it as well. Jasper had a theory that the reason I was so scared to talk to him and face him was that I thought would hurt Edward, so I tried to cut him off and ignore him. It was working, in a way. Perhaps it was time to put a stop to this. I hated to admit it, but Jasper was right.

Edward deserved more and I should give him that, at the very least. I owned him that much.

"Sure, we need to talk anyway, when are you free?" I asked

We decided to have coffee now, soon as possible, seeing as my lectures had ended and he had a free evening as well.

I kind of wished the coffee shop was further away, so I would have more time to travel there. I arrived first at the café and I was waiting on him to arrive. I ordered my drink and with shaky hands took it to a table, where I would wait for Edward to arrive.

I had decided that I was going to ask Edward for some time. It technically wasn't a breakup but it didn't mean we were together. Truthfully I wasn't completely sure what I was doing was the right thing to do. It felt like the right thing… But then why did it feel so wrong to break up with Edward?

When he arrived, he had a face of a man who knew.

He looked good. I almost started to cry as I looked at him. Why was I like this? Why was this so important for me to explore? I couldn't expect him to be around when I was done fooling around and I didn't. He was his own man and he was free to do what he wanted. The break was also for him to understand that perhaps, I wasn't all that. What scared me – what if I wasn't worth it…

"So, a break?" he asked brokenhearted his face twisting into something unpleasant, when I explained to him "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's in the name Edward…" I needed to remind myself not to be rude to him and too annoyed. I was hurting him "I just need some time to resolve some issues, and I need to do it on my own." I put my hand on his shoulder "I'm sorry, but I can't be the only one to have felt there were issues Edward… We haven't really been picture perfect for a while now have we?"

He lowered his head "Yeah… You have been acting strange for a while."

I tried not to squint at him. From his perspective I probably was acting weird. I nodded my head "Yeah." It probably was strange to him that a girl was asking to be more sexual… It probably was the kinky aspect of it.

He looked at me, sorry written on his forehead "Are you going to seek therapy or some counseling, or something like that?"

"Yeah, you can call it that…" I was planning on going to the meet up place, Jasper and his friends, Rosalie and Emmett went to last month. It was happening tomorrow. I was ready to see it and now, perhaps to experience it "I'm getting some help."

"How about, in two months we meet up here?" He proposed, smiling at me "Let's see how your therapy goes, alright?"

I felt my stomach drop… I didn't feel as free as I thought it would. Wait no! It was a good thing, right? Perhaps I could get two.

It wasn't actually a bad idea. I would have some time to really know if it would work or not. Two months was more than enough time to understand this part of me and to come 'back home' if I didn't like what I discovered. It was awfully egoistical of me to do, but there comes a time in every person's life when you have to be egoistical. This was mine.

I agreed and we hugged. I felt myself tearing up. Was I sure about this? I wasn't. But I would never be sure about us then, if I didn't do this. I nodded and pushed myself from him, before I really started to cry. It all seemed too easy to be this easy. God, why was I so emotional?

When we separated after the coffee shop, I called Jasper. I knew he was at work but I needed to think about something else.

"Bella, how are you?" he asked. I couldn't tell what mood he was in, he sounded a bit tense, and I only felt a little bit sorry that I disturbed him.

"I umm, I talked to Edward." I wanted to say that I broke up with him, but technically I didn't.

"What about?" he still sounded off.

"Is everything alright?" I had to ask.

I heard him blow some air out "Some fucking idiot couldn't do his job properly and I have to fix his mistake." Jaspers job wasn't an easy one, being a physiotherapist. He sometimes had rough days at his job and today was one of those days "Let's meet up for dinner later? You'll have my full attention then, I promise. Is that alright?"

"I'm up for dinner, yeah!" I felt like we could talk more if we would meet eye to eye as well.

"I'll pick you up at nine."

Hmm… There goes my plan of thinking of something else.

When I got home, I was suddenly so tired I just got in bed, under the blanket to lay down. The sudden emptiness and tiredness I felt was overwhelming. I thought that Edward had been the one for me, and he might still be one. I kind of wished he wasn't because I couldn't handle my soulmate not being interested in sex… And I kind of wished he was my soulmate because that would mean I had already found them.

I could feel myself tearing up. God. Two years just so I could do what exactly?! Spanked! These thoughts continued and I didn't notice when or how, but I fell asleep.

I could hear the doorbell ring through my dream only registering it as the real thing a while later and getting up suddenly. Oh! My head was spinning from the sudden movement. Oh no! It must be Jasper! It must be nine!

My head dizzy, I made my way to the door.

Peeking through the hole in my door, I confirmed that it was Jasper before I opened the door and let him in "I'm so sorry, I fell asleep, give me a minute or two." He looked so handsome and tired I just wanted to stare at him the whole night, but I had to clean myself up to be presentable.

I don't think he felt the same way because when he looked at me, his eyes got a bit wider, looking me up and down, holding me with his gaze "Are you alright?" He thought for a bit "What happened between you and Edward?"

I bowed my head and suddenly got teary eyes again. God! It was so annoying! What was happening to me …?

"Hey, hey… I'm sorry I asked" He cooed me "Do you maybe want to stay in?" Jasper asked, his hands on my shoulders, holding me uptight.

"It's fine honestly." I sniffed "Yeah, if you don't mind." I agreed. Perhaps staying in and crying was better that going out and crying. I don't know what my problem was.

He led me to my room and told me to get dressed in my home clothes. Looking down I realized I was still in my university clothes and I suddenly felt so wrinkled. I went to my dresser and picked some shorts and a long-sleeved shirt and went to change.

I thought about changing in front of him, but I didn't. Jasper and I were becoming more like friends every day. I still wanted him, and I was feeling all kinds of way about him, that made my lady parts tingle. I was nervous around him. I wanted him, but I tried to oppress it as much as possible. I wasn't sure he wanted me like that or not. I wasn't going to make myself a fool either way. The plus side to changing in the bathroom was that I could clean myself up as well.

When I came back, Jasper was talking on the phone. From the conversation it seemed he was ordering pizza. I was grateful for that, as we were staying in and I hadn't had any real food today.

"You look more comfortable." He said after the phone call. He kept eyeing my legs and I let him. It made me feel good.

"What are we eating?" I asked walking slowly towards the bed, where he was sitting.

"I got us a chicken curry one – that alright?"

I nodded and sat next to him. I knew I would have to tell him sooner or later about Edward. In fact, I wanted to tell him on the phone earlier today anyway. "I talked to Edward today. Actually, I met up with him finally. We talked and decided on a break."

"A break? So, you guys are still a thing?" Jasper sounded a bit annoyed.

"No, no – we aren't a thing. We'll just see if after a while, two months, we want to be back together." I was playing with my fingers. Maybe I was too chicken shit to fully break up with Edward, and that's what was making me so emotional? Or perhaps it was something to do with the fact that I was launching myself into the unknown and I feared that too.

I changed the subject and asked him how his day had been. It had seemed rough when I called, and I wanted to be there for him. It didn't really seem as his day had been too tough

We ended up, laying on my bed, eating and talking. At some point I drifted off and I guess he drifted off as well. We didn't cuddle, but his hands were always on me – he was either touching my leg or my arm, or waist. I did the same. It was so unconscious, but I was touching him everywhere I could, that didn't seem sexual or too inappropriate. It did seem intimate though.

I didn't really dream tonight, but I didn't have to seeing as I was sleeping next to Jasper. God, I sounded like a teenager having a crush.

I think I might have a crush on him…

I woke up with his cell ringing. Looking around I didn't see his phone on the bed or the nightstand. Looking around I saw his pants on the floor next to my bed. The phone still must be in them.

"Jasper," I gently shook him "Your phone."

He mumbled something and put his head under a pillow.

Well if he wasn't going to answer it, I was! I got up from the bed and shimmied through his pants. I was planning on declining the call and putting it on silent. I really was. But the name "Alice Cullen" flashed on the screen and I dropped the phone on the floor like it was flaming hot.

Why was she calling him? What business had Alice with Jasper?

"Who was it?" Jasper mumbled, his head still under the pillow.

Did he want me to see that Alice Cullen was calling or he didn't think that it was going to her? Maybe he didn't care and it wasn't anything… I put his phone on silent and got back into bed. I didn't know how to feel about that or what to think, so I ignored it for now.

As I got under the blankets I mumbled back "Didn't see it – didn't care, just shut the sound off."

I didn't want to know what was happening and I was off better not knowing. Jasper turned his face to me, his eyes barely open. He looked cute half asleep, I couldn't help but to look at him back "So you're ready for tonight?" he asked.

… Shit. I almost forgot "It came so fast."

The meetup thing for the BDSM and kinky minded people was happening tonight. It was in a café, and you had to pay to get in. Jasper had already payed for both of us in advance, and we were meeting up with Rosalie and Emmett before the café. Rosalie had offered me her hand to help me pick an outfit. She said that she might have something of hers I could borrow.

Jasper said that it wasn't crucial to dress up – that he didn't usually, but it was always welcomed. Dressing up might help me get in the mood.

"When are we meeting with Rosalie and Emmett?"

"Whenever we want… But Rosalie would appreciate it if we would be at her place at like six in the evening. She should be getting ready about that time." He was staring at my face. Jaspers eyes were icy blue and staring into them was intense. I wondered what he was thinking about. I couldn't hold his gaze for long. I had to look away.

This was the first time he had stayed over.

AN- I know this chapter was so so, but the next one is going to be fun finally. Sorry xx


	5. Chapter 5

_Evening fun __**part 1**_

Jasper dropped me off at Rosalie's and went back to his place to shower and get dressed. He promised he would be there before I got ready.

Alice's phone call still baffled me, and I tried to ignore it. It wasn't the healthiest thing to do but I just didn't have it in me to think about it.

Rosalie opened the door and already I was speechless. She was ready for tonight, that was clear. I didn't have words for how sexy she looked. I looked her up and down "You look incredible!" She was wearing a black, shiny body, fishnets underneath it paired with thigh high high heel boots. Her thick blonde hair was now up in a high ponytail, and her make up done worthy of a red-carpet look, with a cat eye and a bright red lip.

Rosalie smiled at me "Thanks. Come on in. I found something for you."

As I walked in the apartment, I couldn't help but to think that it was a lot like her, it was elegant and beautiful. It looked sophisticated, but the more you looked – the more you saw. The apartment had various paintings and figurines that showcased their interests. For example, there was a beautiful painting of a girl tied up. Another example – there were various penis shaped statues next to the bowl where various keys stood.

Emmett walked out and I blushed without giving it a thought why my body responded so. Emmett was dressed in almost nothing, just some shiny black underwear shorts, and a thick chest harness. I almost couldn't look him in the eyes. Oh, and how could I forget about the huge choker around her neck, with a chain dangling from it.

"Bella!" He laughed "I thought I heard a doorbell. How you've been?" he was so cheerful and happy. He must be excited for tonight. I was as well, I just had to stop blushing.

"Hi!" I couldn't help but to match his excitement "I've been good – a little nervous now though."

He hitched our elbows and led me further in their apartment "Ahh! No worries Bella – Rosy here is gonna help you with an outfit." He led me to their living room, with a big tv there, muted "Once it's on " he opened his arms showcasing his 'outfit' for the night " – it's like your nature comes out."

I smiled towards him as he sat down "Is Jasper going to wear that as well?" I wondered what he would come in. I would die laughing if it was matching with Emmetts.

"Bella," Rosalie demanded attention back to her "Jasper is a dominant. He would never wear something like that."

Oh…

OH

So Emmett… He's a… And Rosalie is…

"Oh." I said loudly as it registered. Yeah, it definitely makes much more sense. Rosalie smirked towards me. So, she was the dominant and Emmett was submissive. I hated that I automatically thought that she would be the submissive, but seeing them together, it made sense. Rosalie was the centre of every room she walked in but Emmett was the life. Rosalie dominated and Emmett followed happily and proudly.

"Come on, I have something that could work for tonight." She led me to a room, which I guessed was the master bedroom. A grand bed in the middle of the room, with nothing much else than that was of course the center piece of the room. Sex was obviously the main thing that was happening in this room. No distractions.

Rosalie showed me what she had assembled for me, laying it down on the said bed. There was a harness that would wrap around my waist and would snake up to my neck, serving as a choker. It looked like it was leather, and it looked soft. Of course, it wasn't just that – there was a little black dress. Really little. It was just a regular dress, that would be two sizes too short on me, but that might have been the point. With that whole number, there were knee high socks.

"I didn't want to overwhelm you… So, I picked something simple." She said as we were staring at the outfit on her bed "I think it's cute."

I nodded at what she said "Yeah, I've seen girls walk around like this just for fashion reasons." It was true, girls were walking around with less on just for fashion statements, not a fetish one's "I just hope I'll fit in seeing as this is my first time."

She looked at me, smiling "Don't worry, you'll be fine."

She turned to walk away but I couldn't help myself not to ask "Hey… umm… How did you get into this?" I asked to remind myself that everyone had a first time.

Rosalie stopped and slowly turned to me "I found myself a boyfriend, Royce, who was into this before I knew what it was. I was really young. He wanted to try for me to be a submissive, even though I never gave any sign of being a sub." She smiled for a second "So he thought he was a dominant, but in fact he was abusive towards me. I don't want to go into details about how actually abusive it had gotten, but I got away. After a while, I was interested in pursuing the domination the right way. I found Emmett and we have been going at it and exploring and loving one another ever since."

"I'm sorry but how do you know if there is a right way of domination?" I had to ask

"Consent." She nodded towards the clothes and left the room.

As I got dressed, I couldn't help but to think that Rosalie had been so unlucky in starting out. In comparison to Rosalie, Jasper had a walk in the park. I shivered when I imagined what she had gone through. She didn't say anything exactly, but she didn't have to.

I was careful to put on the clothes Rosalie gave me, enjoying the process of getting ready as well. They seemed expensive as well. I was thankful I went to buy some good lingerie

The dress felt comfortable, and snug against my body and I was starting to feel more comfortable. Emmett was right about the outfit. And Rosalie too - I liked the clothes she gave me. I wondered if she picked the outfit for Emmett as well. Well, lack thereof of an outfit for him. I put the chest harness/ choker thing on on the dress and the thigh highs last, and I was ready to go.

Just as I was about to leave the room, Rosalie came back, with a makeup bag "You look good! It suits you!"

I couldn't help but to hope Jasper would like it. If Jasper would like me in it … God! How could I make it not platonic?

"What's up with you?" Rosalie asked seeing the fall in my face "Do you not like how you look? We can change it, no worries or you can wear your clothes if you want. If you don't feel like going, you don't have to." She had a slightly concerned look on her face.

"I want to go! I'm just feeling a little self-conscious." I told the truth. No reason to lie there. I just didn't tell her that I felt like that because I was thinking Jasper didn't like me.

I should have brought up that I knew Alice had called. I wished that it would have been something about Edward and their apartment, but in my gut, I knew it wasn't "I just know Jasper and I are friends, and I don't know what to expect tonight."

Rosalie didn't really answer me, but I couldn't blame her, I didn't know for sure what I wanted from Jasper as well "You can expect to have good time if you'll let yourself have one."

Rosalie and I chatted about little nothings throughout her doing my make up and hair, and I felt more comfortable with each passing second. Rosalie was a strong personality, but she cared, and she was soft. I felt comfortable in her presence, with her tonight's outfit or not.

Rosalie put a dark purple smokey eye on me and curled my hair. She told me that she didn't want to over do it, and that it was a good starting point for me to pick what I felt comfortable doing, but if I needed help, she would be there. I appreciated that she was trying to help me put a look together.

When we walked out and saw Jasper, even Rosalie, who knew her friend, stopped in her tracks seeing him. She recovered quicker than I did saying "You look great, Jasper!" and walked to Emmett, joining him on the sofa.

Jasper wasn't as dressed up, yet he ticked all the boxes. His hair, that I was used to being curly and, in his eyes,, was now slicked back. It made his bone structure pop and he looked more like someone I would listen to and want to please. I would have to try not to come on to him. He was wearing a black turtleneck and some black ripped jeans. It was youthful and sexy, and I almost couldn't resist him. Was I swooning?

He was staring back at me, eyeing my outfit, until his eyes met with mine "You look beautiful Bella. We should go." He extended his hand towards me and as if I was hypnotized, I slowly walked towards it and took it.

I gasped when we touched. It was like an electric voltage had gone through me.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I couldn't help but to read into it. Was I ready? It was a lot more than just going to a party or a club. And I was. I was sacrificing a lot to go there and be there, including my mind, which I felt I was losing.

I squeezed Jaspers hand "Let's go."

We took an uber, Jasper was sitting in the front and I was between the love duo, which meant my hand was very cold. Once Jasper had a hold of it, I didn't want him to let it go. The ride wasn't that long, and thankfully when we got out the car, Jasper took my hand again, and it just felt natural and right in there. It felt safe.

We walked up to a guard next to a seemingly normal café. Jasper called his name and said plus one and he let us in. It was dimply lit and there seemed to be smoke in the place. The place itself was semi-crowded, people standing around and talking. There was a semi stage in the middle of the room as well, that was empty. Looking around some people were dressed in something shiny, or something black, or seemingly slutty. Only some were dressed in jeans and a sweater.

Jasper led me to the bar, where a seemingly normally dressed guy was serving. Jasper ordered his drink and the guy smiled at me "You're new – what are you having?"

I was flabbergasted that he knew everyone here. Or perhaps he just remembered their faces. If the community was tight, it was only logical that he knew faces of the said community. I recovered quickly and asked for a cider.

"Jasper!" Another man called his name. Looking around I noticed that Rosalie or Emmett were nowhere to be seen. But the guy who called Jasper, was tall, with blonde hair lighter than Jaspers, longer and put in a bun. I had no idea if he was dressed like that because he wanted to, or if he had just come from work, with his white button down and dark blue dress pants.

"Caius." Jasper answered in a semi cold tone, smiling towards him anyway. Were they friends? They definitely knew one another.

They shook each other's hands, both of the men flexing their hands. What was this? Animal planet?

Caius looked at me "New meat? Is she yours?"

Was I his? I wanted to tell him off about it kind of – I was my own person. But the rules were different here. He was known as a dominant and I was dressed as a sub. And I kind of wanted to be his. I thought I would be since Edward and I ended things. Or, 'ended' things. It made me a lot sadder than I wanted to admit.

"She's a friend. Bella, meet Caius. Caius – Bella." Jasper introduced us "Caius is one of the organizers for these gatherings."

I thought that he was going to give me a handshake, but I was wrong – he half hugged me while kissing my check "Lovely to meet you Bella." One of his hands was almost, almost touching my ass, but before me or my body could react in any way he pulled away "We're glad to have you here."

I smiled and nodded, suddenly very shy. What happened to my tongue?!

He looked at Jasper who had a stone face now "She's so cute, Jasper." Looking back at me he said, "May I buy you a drink in a few?"

"Sure." I croaked.

He smiled and walked away.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Okay. It was fine. I was fine. People wanted to get to know me and they were friendly so far. I have no idea if it was because Jasper was next to me. Caius seemed about the same age as Jasper and it was interesting that he was one of the organizers.

I wanted to ask Jasper about if he knew most of the people here, but then I heard Caius from the stage "My fellow friends, as you know this stage is meant for a show. If anyone feels free to do something – you're welcome to do it here, if you want an audience or you want us to appreciate the craft, don't hesitate to do it."

People mumbled in response and he continued "I would love to start. I know a dirty, filthy girl, who deserves a spanking." He smirked and I heard some people laughing. I couldn't help but to blush, even if he wasn't talking to me.

I looked at Jasper who was looking on the stage. Just when I was getting worried that he was ignoring me, he took my hand and whispered "Sometimes there are no shows, you're just lucky tonight. You feeling alright?"

"Yes." I think I was.

"Jane, come on down here." Caius said as he pulled a chair on the stage.

A petite girl walked on stage. She looked so young that I immediately thought back to the bouncer who didn't ask for an id, and I wondered about her age. She was wearing a schoolgirls outfit to make it worse… Or better. She must have been the legal age limit… It was just an outfit.

The scene on the tiny stage became a lot more intimate and it was almost too much to watch for me, but I couldn't stop. He took her by the hair and pushed her against him asking her if she has been a good or a bad girl. I wondered if I would bite my lip off before they could do something.

When she didn't answer, he pulled her by the handful of hair he was holding, upwards, making her stand on her tippy toes. Then she answered in a shrill voice, almost yelling "A bad girl. I was a bad girl and I need to be punished, sir!" He pushed her away and muttered that she was fucking right about that. He sat down on the chair, and with one fluent finger showed her to lay on his lap which she did as fast as she could.

He slowly pulled down her underwear, leaving it on her knees, not pulling them off completely. I could see her squirming on his knees, anticipation radiating from the room. Taking a quick peek to the room, a lot of people were calmly watching them, chatting casually. I was getting worked up about something people were casually viewing. I took a big sip of my drink hoping it would calm me down.

He was making slow circles with his whole palm on her bare ass, getting her ready, when suddenly a quick smack came to it and she cried out. I gasped and my whole body shivered with his first move. Quickly came the second and the third and the fourth spank. I had forgotten that my hand was in Jaspers, until he squeezed it. Truthfully I had to remind myself to blink.

"Do you like it?" Jasper asked me. His voice was so musky and deep, just like the time when he slept over. I didn't want to look at him in fear that he would see how much I liked it. How I was imagining him doing that to me.

When he squeezed my hand again, I had to pry my eyes away from the scene to look in his bright blue eyes. He was staring at my face and I shivered again. My body registering the sexual frustration before my brain could. I wanted him.

"Answer me." He squeezed my hand almost to a painful level this time "I asked if you like what you're seeing, Bella."

"Yes." I managed to whisper.

I was looking at him while the scene was still playing Janes, soft cries and moans, and the noise of a skin slapping skin loudly around us. I've never experienced something so erotic.

He leaned down "Are you wet?"

I couldn't believe he had asked me this! He had never said anything like this to me before. But finally, he did. Perhaps he did want something more. If I wasn't before, then now I was soaking in my underwear. I felt a tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I swear to god it had a direct line to my clitoris.

I nodded, not able to answer.

He smirked "I want a word answer, Bella."

Before I could answer, I heard Emmett's voice. I quickly looked around but couldn't find him. I locked eyes with Rosalie instead and noticed in that moment that Emmett was on his hands and knees, Rosalie holding his leash, laughing at something someone had said. They were enjoying what they were doing, and it was visible.

My head was spinning, and I was too horny. I took the last of my cider and excused myself to the bathroom. Jasper didn't follow me, and I was thankful. I think he understood that I needed a moment alone to gather my thoughts.

I was just standing in the stall, breathing, my hands on my hips. I had to understand what was happening to me. Why did I need a moment?

The answer was so simple – I was horny, I was confused, and I was overwhelmed. I was tired of being the vanilla flavor and now I had the chance to be any flavor I wanted. I was already something more flavorable by just being here.

Perhaps I needed another drink.

When I finally got out of the stall, Jane, the girl who was a 'bad girl' was standing there, washing her hands, freshening up. She almost looked as if she was high. She also looked like she had been freshly fucked, her hair a mess, her cheeks flushed and her skin glistening with sweat.

"You're staring." She mumbled.

"Isn't that the point?" I asked, not wanting to admit that I was looking at her now, admiring her for what she had done.

She laughed "Did you enjoy it?"

"I did."

The silence fell between us and I felt like I should probably give her some time too, so I walked out the bathroom.

I didn't see Jasper around but I did see Rosalie, no Emmett by her side. Before I went to Rosalie, I got another drink. Liquid courage, right? Rosalie was talking to a woman who had slicked back hair, and dark eyes. I didn't know if she was a dominant or submissive, but she seemed beautiful.

"Bella! How are you enjoying the night?" Rosalie smiled towards me "This is Maria."

"It's good!" I answered Rosalie and turned to Maria, who didn't really smile at me "Nice to meet you."

She just nodded in response and I took a sip. Well… Not all people could be nice or talkative towards me, and that was alright. But oh boy, did I want to know what was up Marias ass!

Rosalie looked at her pulling her eyebrow higher and higher, asking her silently what her deal was "Bella is new to the community." She explained to her.

Before Maria could ignore me again, I felt hands on my hips "You alright?"

I turned to Jasper "I'm golden." I smiled. And I was. I had to calm down before I could see him and I was glad I did that because Jasper was truly something I could hardly resist. In the corner of my eye I saw Maria walk away. Rosalie walking the other direction. Perhaps I had interrupted something.

He was so close to my face; all I could do was breathe him in. I didn't care about Maria anymore.

"Did I tell you that you looked beautiful tonight?" he whispered.

"You didn't." I joked, laughing a bit.

He closed his eyes, concentrating "You always are. I should say it more, just to remind you. I just don't want to come between you and…"

"And who?"

If he was about to say Edward, I was about to smack him right outside this café, dominant or no dominant, he would get his ass beat!

He opened his eyes "How do you like the bar?"

Sipping my drink, or rather gulping it down I welcomed his change in theme, not wanting to fight "It's a lot more normal than I expected. With this perverse twist on it of course, but it feels like people are networking."

He pulled me closer "I'm glad to hear it. You know you're welcome to come here anytime you want. This whole café is community friendly, even in daytime, just a lot more, normal I would say. Just sometimes we need something more, and to these you are welcome as well."

I was happy to hear this. I knew I was before and probably half of these people just showed up knowing that this was the place. I was lucky that I had someone to show me the place.

"Let's go. I want to talk with you alright?" I bit my lip for the hundredth time today. The way it was going tonight, I was expecting something more. He pulled my lip out of my teeth and I was lost in his eyes. I hoped he would kiss me but if he wanted to, he would have already. Perhaps that's why he wanted to get me out.

I tried to recover "I'll go the bathroom and then we can go, alright?" This time I needed to go for real.

Jane was still in the bathroom, and she didn't look that good. When I asked her if she was feeling okay, she said that she just needed a minute and I didn't bother her. I didn't want another member of the community dislike me, so I left her be.

As I walked back to the place Jasper and I were standing, I noted that no one was on the stage now, and haven't been since Jane was on. Once I caught Jaspers gaze, I was breathless again which excited me. He almost looked angry this time.

When I reached him only then I registered Caius was talking to him. I hadn't seen him. Then again, I didn't look at anyone else but Jasper.

"Bella," he greeted me again "what about that drink?" Caius asked me. He himself seemed a bit off, perhaps he had a little too much to drink.

"I was just telling him that it was late, and we were going back to my place." Jasper said.

Caius rolled his eyes "Your _friend_ can stay if you want to go Jasper."

I looked between them. What was happening? Jasper didn't rush to correct him and it stung a bit. It was true, but still. I felt as if I was free game, which I was to the public, but I didn't want to.

"What time is it again?" Caius asked.

Jasper took out his phone "It's almost half past eleven."

Just as he was showing us the time on his phone and I looked at it, a call was coming though and once again today, I saw her name flash on the phone. I felt my stomach drop almost as fast as my panties did before. I had a guy here who wanted my attention and I was about to give it up for Jasper? The best way to get over someone was to find someone new, right?

"Alice is calling you… again." As I said it, realization flashed on his face, and he looked disappointed, but didn't say anything, just putting his phone in his pocet.

Before I could agree to the drink Caius offered me, just to screw over Jasper, Rosalie walked in on our conversation "Caius! How's Jane doing? I saw the show." Rosalie was semi friendly with him, smiling and being stern.

Jasper and I were just staring at one another. He looked guilty. So he did something to be guilty about.

Caius on the other hand smiled the kind of smile I could only describe as if you have a gun put against your head and you have to play it cool "She's good. She's around." He answered to Rosalie's question.

"I saw her in the bathroom." I butted in "She didn't look so good actually." Perhaps I should have started with that. I didn't know the etiquette.

"You should go check on her." Rosalie's authoritative voice didn't give any room for a suggestion.

"I'll see you around Bella." Caius said and left. I shivered a bit, not sure if I wanted that to happen.

Jasper hadn't stopped looking at me, silently saying something to me that I didn't want to hear. Rosalie looked between us for a second and left, leaving us to resolve shit that was happening with us.


	6. Chapter 6

_Evening fun __**part 2**_

"_What time is it again?" Caius asked._

_Jasper took out his phone "It's almost half past eleven."_

_Just as he was showing us the time on his phone and I looked at it, a call was coming though and once again today, I saw her name flash on the phone. I felt my stomach drop almost as fast as my panties did before. I had a guy here who wanted my attention and I was about to give it up for Jasper? The best way to get over someone was to find someone new, right?_

"_Alice is calling you… again." As I said it, realization flashed on his face, and he looked disappointed, but didn't say anything, just putting his phone in his pocket._

_Jasper hadn't stopped looking at me, silently saying something to me that I didn't want to hear. Rosalie looked between us for a second and left, leaving us to resolve shit that was happening with us._

I wanted to go off on him, to tell him to fuck off. The alcohol in me definitely wanted me to do that. But my sadness and disappointment were sobering me up enough so that I knew not to make a scene.

"I'm going to go home." I told him coldly and turned to leave.

"You're running again." He pointed out just as coldly and my blood boiled more. I hated that he said it like that.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" I said trying to keep my posture, but my hands flew to my hips as if I was a cartoon character.

His facial expression was still now with me as he said "Every time something happens, you run. You ran from Edward and now you're running from me?" He came closer to me, calming down a bit more, keeping his cool "Don't go." His breath felt hot on my face and I had the urge to kiss him again. I licked my lips and he looked down and was leaning in. He leaned in and I let him. Jaspers lips brushed mine and I swear I was going to lose control and allow him everything.

His words flashed again towards me. How dare he tell me that. Every time I have run away from someone I do it because it's a reaction of something hurtful they have done or said. I wanted to go but I didn't want to prove him right. I was embarrassed to tell him that I was feeling insecure about the Alice thing whatever it was, but the cat was out of the bag anyway, seeing as I was reacting now.

I pushed him away a little "Why don't you answer Alice's phone?" I asked tight lipped "She has been calling you."

He pushed off me and closed his eyes as if he was having a sudden headache "I didn't realize that I had to tell you everything about everything."

I know I was harboring a huge crush on him but was I imagining him liking me too? Did I imagine him brushing his lips against mine and wanting me as I wanted him?

I shook my head "You don't." If he didn't have to then I didn't have to explain anything to him as well. I turned on my heel and headed to the bar "Leave me alone, please." I hated to admit that it hurt me, but it did. So why not have something more to drink.

Was I truly that stupid? To have dumbed my boyfriend to have picked someone unavailable? Perhaps it was karma. Typical me… You know what – Jasper could go to hell with all of this. I was already in the club… or the café, so I didn't need him anymore. I should send him a thank you letter. I looked around and no one was paying us attention. It looked like that at least. And still looking around I didn't see Jasper anywhere.

I remembered that the bartender had been nice to me, and even if it was low and I was feeling self-conscious, I was going there not only for a drink but to flirt with him. He did look rather cute, but he wasn't Jasper. And that only made me ask for another drink. I don't know if he knew what I was doing but he was flirting back and smiling back at me since the moment I went to the bar, and I smiled towards him making him stop in his tracks and ask me how my evening was going. The plus side of flirting shamelessly with the bartender was that he was willing to give me drinks. The downside was that one might get sloppy after that amount of alcohol.

"Bella, how's it going?" I was so darn drunk that I had to look at Emmett to make sure it was him "Rose and I are leaving. You should come with us." Before I could tell him to stick it, he leaned in closer "People don't drink themselves silly here, unless they don't want to come back."

I looked at the state I was in. If Emmett was right, which probably he was, then I had to go.

I don't remember how I got to Rosalie's and Emmett's place but I sure as hell remember waking up with a splitting headache, my heart racing out of my chest and feeling nauseous.

"You have a glass of water by your side." Rosalie was sitting in the armchair next to the sofa I was on. I took the water that was on the nightstand and sipped it, afraid that it would make me feel sicker if I chugged it.

I was so embarrassed. I was sleeping on my crush's friends couch. How pathetic! I slowly sat up. I needed to get away from here and out of their lives. I was done embarrassing myself. I couldn't believe that I had let this happen in the first place.

"How do you feel Bella?" Rosalie asked. She looked fresh, like she was fresh out of the shower, sipping her coffee, reading something on her iPad.

"Like I have to go…" I said barely audible.

She looked at me, picking her eyes up from her iPad "Don't be silly. Emmett's out getting us breakfast. Have something to bite first." She was authoritative in the politest way possible. She wouldn't ask me to stay but she would tell me to stay. I of course could still decline, but that would be up to me entirely.

"I am so sorry how I behaved last night… I barely remember it." I confessed to her. I don't know what it was about Rosalie, but I felt like I could tell her anything.

"You don't remember Jasper as well?" she questioned with one raised eyebrow.

I tried to remember… I remembered Jasper looking so good that I was about to give him my all, but I was angry with him because the call… Oh! Alice had called him, and he had told me off… And then I talked to the bartender and then the lights flipped off. "Umm…. We had a fight and then I got drunk with the bartender. That's about it."

She nodded as she was putting her iPod away "Yes well that and on the way here?"

I tried to remember but nothing was coming back. Oh god what did I do?

Rosalie saw the mortified look on my face and shared me the embarrassment of asking her what happened "Well, Emmet went to get you when he saw that you were getting drunk. On the outside you didn't look so drunk, but obviously, seeing as you don't remember it was good that he came then, because the rule is that BDSM is not practiced under alcohol and if you're serious you respect that rule." She cleared her throat, trying to stop the scolding "So we had a cab waiting and as Jasper saw us leaving, he came to get you. He said that Alice wasn't a thing for you to worry and before you could answer, you puked."

I blushed. God… "What's the Alice thing?" I asked her, in hopes that she would know, seeing as they were friends. Also, I wanted to ignore the vomiting.

She smiled "Don't you know?" obviously goading me on "You did tell him to pick up her call."

I was facepalming when Emmett brough us breakfast. Good. I could use a distraction.

I was heading home with a full stomach and much less feeling sick. I was so tired though. I barely could think about me and Jasper. My mind did anyway.

Jasper had looked like a god yesterday and I couldn't help but to want him. He had held up his promise – to show me the people and the place where I could come and be myself and explore myself. The people, of what I seemed to remember were alright. Caius was creepy a bit, but it seemed like he had beef with Jasper. And the Maria chick seemed off… Other than that it was alright… I think. Jasper was interested in me… At least it looked like it. Sometimes I couldn't understand if he was or wasn't interested.

Even if I had gotten what I wanted, I was still missing a piece. Partially. I realized that I wanted Jasper more than I cared to admit. He wasn't just someone who would teach me what I was interested in. He was something more. He was a complex human that I wanted to get to know more, and I wanted to see how we would work together and if we would in the first place.

I had to stop comparing him to Edward. Starting now, he was Jasper and Edward was just Edward. Edward would always be linked with us, whatever we would be… Or not be. But I knew no matter the outcome, we weren't going to happen. Ever. And that was alright too.

I had an evening shift, and I couldn't really rest that much until I had to go to work. Thank god I was working with my manager today. I adored her for many reasons, most of all I adored her for her calm nature.

"You look different." Angela, my manager said, as she was helping me put some books away.

"I went to a party yesterday." I smiled at her "Maybe that's it?"

Angela shook her head, pushing her glasses back up from her nose, concentrating on me "No… It's something else." Angela was more like a friend than my boss to be honest, always being friendly towards me, and explaining everything I didn't understand.

"Are you and Edward back again?" She kept questioning me.

I bit my bottom lip, wondering if I should be honest and just how much "Umm… No. I met someone new."

She stared for a while before she went back to putting books away "Is it working out?"

"I have no idea."

Before Angela could answer, I heard the bell, indicating that someone had come in the shop. I was rounding the corner when I saw Alice. Fuck!

She was wearing a skintight white dress under her fluffy pink coat, wearing oversized glasses, looking around until she found my eyes staring back at her. Goddamn. What the hell was she doing here? Was it something Jasper had said? Did she know about us? Was she coming back here to say something about Edward and me?

I couldn't stop to look at both of us again, the way we dressed. I didn't look half bad today, but my black jeans paired with a tank top under my cardigan, wasn't even in the same category as her outfit. I still often felt small next to her even though she was shorter than I was. It was the personality that made her seem so big. I was thankful that I wasn't her personal dolly, how she and Edward had wanted me to be. I don't think I would look good in pink fluff.

"Bella?" she questioned in a fake happy voice "You work here?"

I pointed to the name tag I was sporting "It seems so. Are you looking for something specific?"

She came closer to me "Sure. This would be faster, and I am in a hurry as it seems. I was hoping if you would have the book Fifty Shades of Grey?"

I smiled at her, it not reaching my eyes. Was this something she was reading for Jasper? I didn't want to ask. Fifty shades of Grey was a bad representation anyway, I was sure Jasper wouldn't like it "Sure, I'll get it to you in a sec."

I didn't have to look for it long, but Alice was following me anyway, commenting on some books that we had displayed. I saw Angela eying her, but didn't say anything, as she just kept working.

"Here it is." I showed her the book "Do you want just the first book or the whole trilogy?"

She shook her head "Just the first book. I'm sure Edward isn't even going to read the first one, let alone the whole series!"

I blushed "This is for Edward?"

She smirked "Yup. We have this running joke about the theme." She eyed me up and down, making sure I understood that the joke of the theme was me. Did Edward tell her what I wanted him to do? That just seemed kind of wrong.

I wanted to throw the book at her, but I was polite "So just the first one."

Even if she was being mean to me laughing at me, I didn't care – she was leaving the money here in the store, which was just a good thing for the store. She was losing money to try and humiliate me. Oh no?

Alice dialed someone and tried to call them as I was ringing her up. She was looking somewhat annoyed when they didn't pick up her call. She huffed and texted something.

I knew it must've been Jasper and that made me smile.

"Trying to reach someone?" I asked, not able to help myself.

She looked at me a little annoyed "In fact I am. I'm going to this party slash fashion show flash art exhibit, down the street, and I am not turning there alone." She checked her phone "Oh! And I won't have to!" She smiled at me, putting down two 20-dollar bills, much more than what I needed for the book and taking it with her.

Did she just tip me?

"Was that Alice Cullen? Edwards sister, Alice?" Angel questioned as she came form the back, walking next to me "She was dressed to kill. What did she want?"

To show how dumb I was to ask Edward of those things, to laugh in my face, to show she was better than I was. So many things in so little time.

"To humiliate me." I rolled my eyes, choosing that this was good enough of an explanation.

Alice was meeting Jasper, and even if Alice didn't know this, that was the most hurtful part. I had accepted that Edward was who he was, and that was alright. But Alice was taking Jasper or trying to take him. Was I going to lose Jasper to Alice as well? I didn't want that to be the reality, but I wasn't sure if Jasper wanted her or not. Perhaps he wasn't sure as well.

"What's up?" Angela pushed into me, seeing my face change.

"Well she is kind of going to see the guy that I umm… The guy I met." I told her, clocking inn the cash Alice left behind, as mine and Angela's tips.

Angela looked for a minute or two towards me before she said "Well… You should _meet_ him again tonight. In fact, I think you should go meet him now." She leaned in, whispering "I'll close up. Go."

I looked at her. What was I waiting for?

My phone rang and Angela and I jumped up a bit. Looking at the phone I saw Jaspers name flash on the screen.

"It's him." I mumbled.

"Answer it!" Angela urged.

I obliged to her, truly interested in what he would say. There was silence at first, as if he didn't anticipate me picking up the phone "Bella…" he finally said "I didn't…" he sighed "How are you?"

I licked my lips "I'm okay. I had a rough morning though. How about you?"

"I'm… I'm so sorry Bella." My stomach turned when he said that. Did he see Alice and was letting me down now? He continued "I've been talking to Alice, but I don't want to anymore. It's not me."

I felt hope return to me as I told him to hold on and putting my phone away, not explaining to him that I was a minute away from him. I didn't need Angela to tell me to go – I was going no matter what.

I saw a big line for the event, but knowing the way around the building, literally, seeing as it was the same construction as the library, just the mirror form, I sneaked in the event. I wasn't about to wait in the line to the event where I wasn't going to be let in anyway. I wasn't looking the part, nor I wasn't someone famous. I was just me. I was just Bella Swan.

But I was about to have someone they were never going to have.

The people were staring at me but that was alright. I was just looking for someone. I was hoping to do it faster than later, seeing as I saw some guards, looking at me funny. Perhaps it was also that I looked frantic.

Then I saw it. I saw that pink fucking fluff. Thank god it was moving away, walking somewhere. The pink fluff was walking away from the person I was looking for.

I saw him standing there, looking at me through his lashes, hic icy blue eyes staring back at me through the crowd. I was tired of the maybes and being scared of what I want, but fucking hell I was going to do this and do this now. I didn't care! I was striding across, pushing some people past me, so I could get to him.

When I reached him, I almost chickened out, but I didn't listen to that tiny voice in my head. I took hid face in my hands and I kissed him. He was surprised, but it only took him about a second to wrap his arms around me and push me closer.

I didn't mind the silent commentary we were gaining. Jasper turned and pushed my back against the wall. The hit wasn't that bad, but it definitely made me gasp for all the other reasons than the air escaping my lungs. Jaspers hands were burning hot on my hips, as they pushed me closer to him, and I swear I could feel every inch of him.

"Excuse me, but you have to – you have to stop. Sir!" someone was saying, as I felt more hands on me, less burning hot on my skin, more pulling us away type.

Jasper and I parted, as a guard pulled us apart. Jasper just muttered "Fuck off." He looked at me again, hunger in his eyes. Pulling me away from them and away from everyone else he said, "We have to go."


	7. Chapter 7

Fair warning. Lemons will be starting now (: So if it's not your thing, hop off now – thank you 3

I have no idea if Alice saw us, or if any of her friends saw us kissing against the wall and being asked to leave but it all happened so fast. Well, to be realistic, a lot of people saw us. And a lot of them were friendly with Alice, they had to, so will probably tell her. Alice would be humiliated. I saw it as an eye for an eye, even if I wasn't a vengeful person

I felt like I did something I shouldn't have done, but it didn't matter. I felt alive and confident.

Jasper was leading me down the street, almost dragging me, his footsteps longer than mine ever will be. He dragged me in an ally, and for a second, I felt unsafe, but all it took was the look Jasper gave me when he spun around and pushed me against the brick wall. His eyes were glazed over and all I could see in them was passion. The type of passion that was only resolved towards me and no one else. I saw the type of passion that was going to make my head spin and never stop. It was the same type of passion that must've been in my eyes.

We resumed the same position as in the gallery, pressed against the wall, kissing, grabbing at each other.

When I ran my hands under his t shirt, I felt him become more aggressive in the kiss. And I loved it. I couldn't get more of it. That's why I traced my hands up and down his abdomen, in which case he responded with picking my legs up, not only pushing me against the wall, but in me as well. His hands were on my ass, acting as if they were holding me there, when in fact it was his body, and he was just using this opportunity to squeeze me, and touch me anyway he could.

He stopped kissing my mouth as he was pressing soft kisses down my throat, mumbling "You have no idea, how much I want you." He rolled his hips against mine and I could feel just how much he wanted me.

My hands snaked up to his head, my fingers finding their way in his hair, trying to press him deeper in the places he kissed me "I want you Jasper." I moaned and in response and he squeezed my butt tighter, making me rub against him. I was about to lose my mind.

"Tell me what you want." He demanded, as on of his hands reached inside my pants, pulling them just as low so his hand could snake inside, and touch my most private parts. His fingers were masterful at finding my clit, pushing at it, moving in slow, steady circles, through my undies. He demanded again "What is it that you want Bella?" I bit my lip as if I was suddenly mute "Do you want to be fucked here, against the wall, where anybody could see us?" He tore away from my neck to look me in eyes as he continued speaking "Do you want to be a whore? Hm?"

He knew the answers to those questions – they were all an astounding yes.

He pushed a finger inside me, pushing my panties to the side, and my body started to tremble, not believing what was happening or when or with whom it was happening. Jasper only smiled at me "If you don't tell me, we can't keep on, whore." That word again. My adrenaline spiked being called something I shouldn't like or be proud of.

I was trembling, and I was close to cumming, Jasper knew that "Yes." I breathed "Oh god, don't stop." His finger was massaging me, in the most delicious way possible. He wasn't pumping it in and out, but he was pushing the spot that was spongy and felt so irritatingly nice and warm.

"What was that whore, I couldn't hear you." He was still looking at me, at me sweating, panting, moaning, and trembling, feeling the heat spread through me, as he added another finger.

"Oh god, yes, yes, I want all those things, please." I begged him, hoping he wouldn't stop. I would lose my mind if he was going to stop. I could hear him laugh a bit, but I didn't actually get to see him anymore as I closed my eyes concentrating only on his fingers picking up speed after I had answered him for the second time.

He wanted me to be vocal. And I didn't hold back as I felt the feeling of tingly warm spread through my limbs from my core when suddenly it all became too much and I could feel it explode inside of me in tiny, tiny little pieces, throughout my body. It felt like I had just exploded and something broke open in me. I've never had this intense feeling go through my body. All I could see was bright flashes as I moaned through the pleasure, he had just given me. I was panting and pulling away from his hand, as it had become almost painfully too much to take, when he started to slow down, letting me ride it all out.

I felt his lips on my neck, under my ear, as he said, "You're so beautiful Bella."

I slowly opened my eyes, still spasming, as his fingers were barely even moving inside of me. I looked around, and thank god no one was there, peeking at what he was doing to me, how I was pushed against the wall, my legs still wrapped around his waist, locked in. That's when I registered the cold, wet feeling.

I turned my head to look at Jasper, who was just smirking at me. I looked down where he was pulling his hand out of my pants and noticed the huge wet mark on my jeans. Did I? What happened? Before I could ask Jasper if I was that wet or if he had somehow managed to use lube, he answered "You squirted Bella… I don't know if you noticed." He smirked a bit and promised me "But I'll make you notice the next time."

Still in the position we were in, as he pulled the skilled hand out of my panties, I could see it was glistening in the dark streetlights. Jasper was showing me what I had done… What he had made me do. But when he put those fingers to his mouth, licking those two fingers, keeping his eyes on me, I blushed, even more so if that was possible, and I could feel myself come back to life, as I wanted to go round two, but just with something else of his other than his fingers.

I kissed him, tasting me on his mouth "I want you, Jasper."

He pulled away slightly, smiling towards me, maybe even laughing at my eagerness "I don't have a condom with me Bella." A condom… I had forgotten about that completely. I nodded. He was right. I was glad at least one of us was using his big brain.

He helped me down, from him, unhinging my legs from his hips. My legs, or rather more my hips, were incredibly sore, and at first it took a minute or two to actually stand straight and not spasm into a mess in front of his happy eyes. Once I was standing straight, he gave me his jacket, tying it around my waist.

I thanked him and smiled at the gesture. It was sweet of him to make me look as if I didn't pee myself. Then again, he would be at fault if people would stare at me, as if I couldn't control my bladder because it was all him.

We took an uber back to his place. It was a lot better than sitting in public transport in my wet pants or walking in them. I always wanted to do it in a public space, and it took me by surprise how easy it actually had been all with the right person. I was happy for this option, so happy that I didn't even think about where we were going.

Jasper was holding my hand in the uber, as I was pressed against him, cuddling him. He smelled so nice, like wood, and jasmine. I was lost in him as I was drifting slowly off to sleep, just being at piece, feeling happy. I was well aware that it was post orgasm happiness, but I hadn't had that, from another person, in a long time, so I was enjoying it as much as possible.

When we stopped at his apartment complex that's when I realized and remembered that he was living with Edward. I don't know how comfortable I was with showing Edward whom I dumped him for. It just didn't seem right. And it didn't matter if Alice was doing whatever she was doing – I wasn't about to be mean to him. And anyway, Jasper was living with the guy. I know they weren't best of friends, but I wasn't about to become a reason why their relationship would become too awkward for them, or volatile in any way.

Before I could express any type of concern to Jasper, he calmed me down "He isn't home… He's at the party."

Right. The party he went with Alice. I pulled away slightly from him. Both of us knew we had to talk. As much as I wanted him to fuck my brains out, or his magic fingers to touch me again, I needed to speak to him first.

Jasper didn't say anything about my sudden pull away from him, seeing as my hand stayed in his. I was trying not to think too much – it seemed to do me worse. To the door of the apartment, he let go of my hand to open the door, and I missed his touch. The apartment itself looked the same. Clean. Fresh. Not really feminine, but not overly masculine.

What was out of the ordinary, for me in this apartment, was that I was following Jasper, to his room, rather than going to Edwards. I was more than okay with that.

Jaspers room was still tidy, except his desk, which had even more paper and books on it than before. I felt the sudden urge to gift him a document separator or something. His big bed, fluffy bed was made to perfection, looking something out of a cartoon. I was still standing in the door frame, when he leaned on one of the poles of the bed, looking at me.

We were here. So, what now?

I knew he must've been thinking the same thing. Twenty minutes ago, I wanted him to fuck me, no matter the consequences. After he had kissed me, I lost all of my logical thinking, only concentrating on pleasure. But what should I concentrate on now? Truth or pleasure?

I didn't have to decide since Jasper was the one to speak first "I guess I should tell you about Alice. About everything." I nodded in response when he smiled a bit, continuing "I'd advice for a shower first, and a change of clothes before we do that though."

Oh right.

The wet jeans.

I got in the shower quickly, opting for a record time in it, washing everything but my hair. Was I trying to hurry, to not run into Edward? Yes, yes, I was. I was there maximum of five minutes, but it still gave me time to think about the issue at hand. Something had happened between him and Alice. Did he love her? Did he want to be with her? Where was I in this situation? He didn't have to wait for me, as I was figuring things out what I wanted to do with Edward or didn't want to do. But did he have to spend his time with Alice, out of all people? Perhaps she was a good person… To other people… No fuck that. But how angry could I possibly get when I was involved with another Cullen, just a couple of weeks ago? Jasper hadn't liked the idea of cheating very much, so perhaps I was just thinking up a storm.

I dressed in his t-shirt and sweats he had left for me to change it. It felt like big comfy pajamas on me. His clothes made me feel so tiny and I was okay with that.

When I walked to his room, he was working on something on his desk. He looked so beautiful, his hair in his eyes, concentrating on what he was doing. He seemed like a person who worked hard. I thought he didn't notice me, but he did "I'm sorry." He said as he turned around. Once his eyes landed on me, he stopped whatever he was going to say.

"Let's talk." I said. Standing once again in the door frame. I wasn't about to sit down – it felt too submissive to do that, so I just stood, while he sat in the chair. I didn't mind to be a sub, but I needed to know that I wasn't going to be controlled or told what to do, even if it was nice and easy to shut down my brain. I needed my brain for this one.

"So, the Alice thing…" he started again "Umm, I have known that she liked me from way back when I met her, but I didn't want to get involved. I didn't even remember her name half the time, referring to her as my roomies sister or something dumb like that." He shook his head, telling the story" But she just kept flirting and talking and I told her that I would meet up with her, just so she could shut the hell up." He looked at his hands "Every time Alice and I were supposed to meet up, I was with you or you and I were just talking, and I regretted the decision to agree to meet with her in the first place." He cleared his throat "After the party, yesterday, when you went off and you wouldn't hear me out about Alice, I thought that we would be done. That you wouldn't want to see me again."

"I did see you though." I smiled, opening my arms, that showed a _I'm here aren't I _gesture.

He smiled and kept talking "So she invited me to that thing tonight, and I thought to hell with it. Why shouldn't I go, if you didn't want me? I almost bailed out at the last minute… But when I met her, she was talking to Edward and she looked like… Not my cup of tea. But she was being so snarky and mean, and I knew then and there, she wasn't for me. I had to call you and shoot my shot – if it would happen that would be perfect. If not – at least I knew I tried."

I looked how sincere he was, when he was telling me the story. I couldn't help but to think that both of us were idiots seeing as it was just a lack of communication between us. That, and the Cullen's.

I walked towards him, touching his face "We have to make up for the lost time." I decided. We had wanted this from the beginning, and we were finally free to do as we pleased, without any obligations to other people we were seeing. It was just the two of us and it was time we were about to get to know each other.

He held my hand, not making it possible to move it away from his face "Let me make it up to you."

"How?" I asked. I had to ask. He smiled and stood up, making me feel teeny tiny in his presence. I was walking backwards from him, as he was walking towards me. It felt like I was hunted by a dangerous animal. Jasper had backed me up against the bed, and I didn't have nowhere else to go. When Jasper reached me, almost touching my nose, he pushed me down the bed.

It shocked me a little that he had pushed me and as I fell on the bed, he was looking too pleased with himself. His bed wasn't as soft as I had imagined, only the duvet was but it felt so comfortable and right.

Jasper was staring down at me, just looking me up and down, like he was ready to eat me.

"Put your hands up." He commanded and I did as I was told, putting them up, on the bed. Jasper nodded in appreciation.

He leaned down towards me and touched my sides, dragging his fingers down my ribs, to my stomach, to the band of the sweats he had given me to wear half an hour ago, pulling them down as his hands were still dragging down my body, taking the pants with down with his fingers.

I couldn't believe he had my pussy on display like that. I wanted to pull the shirt I was wearing down, to cover myself, but I couldn't do it. He must've known this thought would run through me. I was on display for him, and he knew it. Well, half of me was. I wasn't ashamed of him though. That was out of the window. He had already made me come and I didn't care much about my surroundings. Why would I care about this?

He slowly leaned down, until he was sitting on the floor. Jasper slowly massaged my legs up and down until I felt his lips on my ankle. He was kissing me up and up, not stopping until he got to my inner thighs "Hmm… I can smell how wet you are from here Bella." He murmured against my skin, as he was getting higher and higher "Breathe, Bella, darling."

I hadn't even noticed that I wasn't breathing, holding my breath in anticipation of where his mouth was about to move. But when he kissed my clit, I sucked in a breath I had missed before. He was kissing me, and I was squirming under him, wanting to push his head in me, that's why I pushed my fingers in his hair, pushing his closer.

I didn't expect Jasper to stop "If you want me to keep going, you will put your hands back up." He murmured against my slit and I did what he told because I did want him to continue. His mouth was just as masterful as his fingers. Jasper was a talented man.

Just as I put my hands up, he got back to work. Jasper was truly masterful at the craft and I was panting in seconds, close to my release for the second time, of one day when I heard the front door. And the reason I heard it in the first place was that it was sprung open with force that made me worried, who was barging in like that.

Jasper started to work harder, keeping the rhythm just working faster. I didn't know if I was breaking the rules of my hand position, but I pulled my palms down to my mouth, so I was able to be silent.

"And she just came in! I'll have those guards fired!" I heard Alice yell in a shrill voice, just at the brink of my orgasm "And I will fucking ruin her! You hear me!" I wanted to tell her that I did, but I was too busy for now to care. I couldn't hear what Edward answered her, but I didn't care that much. I cared to be quiet now.

My adrenaline spiked up, knowing that Alice and probably Edward were there. The cat was out of the bag and all we could do was to keep doing what we were doing, which was Jasper eating me out and me cumming.


	8. Chapter 8

For about week Jasper and I were going through the list of what I would like to be called and what I would like to be done to me. And what I would absolutely hate. We were dividing my interests, wants and needs in a three color spectrums – green, yellow, red. Green being things I would love to be done, yellow being the things I wasn't sure about but in theory I would try and red being the things I would never do, at least not now. It was Jaspers idea to do it like this, seeing as the color spectrum thing would exist more than I thought it would. He had mentioned the stoplight method, the three lights, as a mean to check in inside the play, where I was mentally. Green being good, yellow meaning slow down and red being stop. It was easy to remember, which I already packed in my brain.

The focus wasn't only on me though, it was also on Jasper. What he was comfortable doing and not.

"You know, I used to not want to spank a girl." He laughed "I just wasn't comfortable in hitting a girl. But I once did it as a joke of some sorts, maybe to see what it was like and then I just saw the reaction it got. Of course, the fact that they were okay with it didn't help me do it before, but the reaction sure as hell did. I just started to love it on my own the more I did it and now it's one of those things I really enjoy."

The reason Jasper had told me this story was that I had told him I would never do anal. He did say that interests always changed and whatever I wanted to try we would try, if both of us wanted to do that. For now, the things Jasper wasn't comfortable with was electricity play, feces and doing serious body and mind damage, everything else was debatable for him. Of course, Jasper would be the dominant "I'm just not a submissive person in bed. It doesn't bring me any sexual joy now whatsoever."

"How will I know I like it?" I mumbled against his chest, as he was cuddling me. We were just rolling around my bed, killing time.

"Hmmm…" he pretended to think about it "Well, you have shown interest into that, but if you want, we can make sure."

He grabbed my butt suddenly and smacked it, making me squeal in surprise. I tried to get away from him, but he wasn't having it. He moved his hands and body on top of mine, pinning me down on to the bed. My legs automatically went around his waist pushing him deeper in me. He looked at me, smiling, his hair in his eyes.

I couldn't help but to think that it was pure heaven with Jasper. It was easy and it was fun.

He was still smiling down at me when he asked, "What's your safe word?"

"Red or sunflower." Safe word was a word that would mean stop for us. He said dominants almost never used it, but it was always there if a person wanted the scene to stop immediately. The reason why the same _stop_ and _no_ couldn't be used was because sometimes I would want to say it, not really meaning it. We kept the classic red, but I could also say sunflower to stop it. Jasper just liked having an extra safe word.

Jasper kissed my nose "Good. Smart girl."

We couldn't stay in that position long since Jasper had to go to work and I had university things to finish up. I couldn't help to wonder about Alice Cullen.

She thought that I had stolen Jasper from her. Perhaps I did, but Jasper didn't want her, and she had to come to terms with it. She had yelled that she would ruin me, and to be honest I wasn't that worried. The reason I knew this was because she had yelled it throughout Edward and Jaspers apartment, while I was there. She of course didn't know I was there but that was good – she sounded like she would have loves to take a swing at me, and I was a bit preoccupied at the moment.

Jasper and I had decided that this night was going to be the one, where we would try a scene. We didn't rely on a specific thing we would be doing, just that it would be an introduction for me, something light. Jasper was going to rent a dungeon room. I was surprised there were dungeons, but he made it pretty clear that sometimes there wasn't a place friendly enough for a scene. Sometimes there would be yelling and other rough sex sounds that neighbors, hotel room guests and roommates wouldn't either understand or wouldn't want to hear. The room he would rent would be a regular one, with some furniture. If he wanted to use something on me, he would get it, rather than using something other people already have used. He reassured me that they clean them but still, he wasn't comfortable with that.

I was giddy for the whole day and then I finally got the text message where I should be at 8 pm. I dressed in a beautiful floral dress, and under it wore lacy, black underwear, with some long thigh highs. It looked sexy and I couldn't wait for him to see it.

When I entered the building, it wasn't a dirty basement I had imagined since Jasper had called it a dungeon. Though I was sure there were rooms that did look like that. Jasper had told me to check in with the receptionist before coming up to the room. She didn't have a name tag but she did introduce herself as Heidi. She was super nice and helpful, and explained that she would try her best to remember me by name as well. She was almost as excited as I was for my evening and I immediately liked her. I had to remember to ask Jasper about her.

She led me to the room, telling me that Jasper was already inside and to have a good night. Oh, I probably would be having one! I was so giddy, butterflies eating my stomach raw.

When I entered the room, I was surprised. It was beautiful! It looked something out of a posh renaissance painting. And then there was Jasper, in a button-down shirt, and black jeans. His hair was greased back, and I bit my lip. He looked so good; how did I even could be so lucky. He smiled at me and stood up, coming near me. I barely saw anything in the room.

I could see Jaspers face change as he accepted his role as a dominant. I squirmed a bit under his stare, and he almost looked bored with me. I was nervous as it was, and now I was meeting Jasper, the dominant – sir, as he would love to be called.

"Are you mine?" he asked

"Yes."

"Then why are you covering what is mine?" He said as a matter of fact. When I didn't move, he came closer to me, our noses almost touching "Don't make me undress you. You wouldn't like it. Strip."

My stomach was in knots as he said it, no he didn't just say it, he threatened me. I moved fast as I took off my dress and thigh highs. I was a bit bummed out because I wanted to show off them to him. But I had to remember that I wasn't in charge anymore. He was. I stood in my lace panties and bra in front of him and he still didn't look satisfied. I could feel myself become wet.

"I'll say this so you can understand. Get. Out. Of. Your. Clothes. All of them."

Fuck. Of course, he also would mean the underwear. I took them off and stood "Good. Fucking finally." He responded.

I barely even noticed that I was panting and shaking a little. I was afraid of this new Jasper but God he was so sexy – I wanted to please him.

He came closer to me once again and it took everything in me to stay in place "Where are we? Green, Yellow, Red?" He was reminding me of the traffic light system – he was checking in.

"Green." I was alright. I wanted more.

He smiled at me. He traced his hand on the other side of my neck, then grabbing almost painfully, behind my neck and pushing me into him, and kissing me so roughly and pushy I wanted to tell him to back off and push him off of me, but a part of me was so excited for this and wanted him to continue. My everyday me was slowly shutting down, making myself forget about everything.

After The kiss he pushed me off him, making me stumble backwards a bit. Jasper licked his lips and looked as smug as ever. Asshole. God, I wanted him. "Get on your hands and knees. I've had to tell you more than once not to cover yourself up, and you haven't earned the privilege to stand next to me."

I did as he told, realizing that the tough wooden floor would soon feel rougher against my limbs if I would stay there longer. He started walking away from the spot we were in and motioned for me to follow him "Well then… I have to figure out how to treat a whore who try to defy me."

"I'm sorry." I said and he suddenly stopped and put his foot on my back, pushing me to the floor.

"Speak only when you're spoken to." He waited for a response and when I didn't give him one, he responded himself with "Good girl. Do you understand what I said?"

"Yes." I answered this time.

It didn't satisfy him as he said, pushing harder on my back "Yes, what?"

"Yes, sir!" I almost yelled at him.

Jasper just laughed a bit and continued walking. I breathed a sigh of relief. I needed to be more careful if I wanted to please him. Jasper walked to a chair that looked royal and fluffy with its exquisite cushioning. He sat down and I was left there, on the floor, on my hands and knees still, naked and waiting.

"Now then, whore." He started and I could feel myself get wetter, concentrating on what he was about to say "You tried to cover what is mine and you tried to speak without permission… What I was planning to do tonight, was to make you cum, but perhaps you need a lesson in how to treat your master…" I wanted to plead with him and I think he knew that. He leaned down, taking my chin roughly in his hands "But perhaps a punishment is not in order, since this is your first time serving me. I don't like mistakes whore, so count this as a gift from me." He let go of my chin, and petted my face, tracing his hands to my lips "Lay over me, across my knees."

I hurriedly got up from the floor, thankful I wouldn't have to be in that position long, and laid on his knees, my ass almost in his face. I felt the deepest of blushes covering me and my chest. I probably looked like a tomato, but it didn't matter. The only thing mattering was that I did as I was told.

"You see," he sighed "I can't leave you just like that. I like my whore to be marked, whatever way I can mark her." I felt a sudden pain through my bare ass check run through me. He had spanked me! And it wasn't a playful spank as well, it was a rough, hard one. I didn't yell out, but the sudden hit did make me gasp.

He continued to speak "I think with some training-" smack "You can be a good submissive, whore." Smack, smack, smack.

"You're so quiet." He noted, smacking me again "It's okay though," smack, smack "I'll make you scream" He smacked me harder and I gasped again. His bare hand was rough on my skin and it was painful. And I enjoyed every second of it.

Another smack from him and then I felt his finger in me and I sighed, god that felt fantastic "But you are enjoying this, I know that much." He smacked my ass with his other hand "You're so wet for me. So ready."

He picked up his pace on fingering me and I had to hold to the ground not to slip away from him. His fingers truly were magic, going just as rough and just as fast as I needed. The worst part was that, when I was just about to cum, he stopped giving me another hand smack, just with the hand his fingers were just in me, the wetness on ass hurting my skin more, making me cry out in desperation and pain.

"Oh, baby, I'm not going to make you cum! You think this will be that easy?" He cooed me, slipping his finger back inside me, making me gasp in pleasure.

"In fact," he picked up speed again, making me cry out "I'm not going to let you cum until you suck my cock. How about that?" He asked just as my orgasm was building up and he withdrew his fingers again, and I was grunting at this point.

He smacked my ass again and I couldn't help but the cry out again, my skin feeling extra sensitive the more he was doing it.

He pushed two fingers inside me, and I almost came from the feeling. Good god this was the first time I had such an intense feeling and Jasper knew, not moving his fingers as he put them in, making me calm down "Oh, my dear whore, you're almost done already?" he fake cooed me as he picked up speed slowly, making me moan.

He didn't have to work fast, for my need to cum to start to build back up again, and then he quickly withdrew it making me scream out "Please, no!" making him laugh.

"Get back on your hands and knees." He told me, almost kicking me off of his legs, making me jump up and go into his desired position. I didn't care that my knees were going to bruise as I almost crushed them with the force, I got on them. I was going to do anything for him to make me cum.

He smiled at me, almost cruelly "Did you hear what I said? How much do you want to cum?" he thrust his hips upwards, making me look down on his crotch.

"I heard, sir." He told me if I wanted to cum I had to suck him off.

I stood up on my knees, but the face he made me stop in my tracks. I thought about it for a second before I thought to ask him "May I suck your cock, sir?"

He smirked and nodded "What a hungry little whore. Good girl. Yes, you may."

I got butterflies in my stomach, as I neared him, to open his pants. I couldn't believe I had just said what I said, and it was considered the norm here. Actually, he had expected me to ask it. It was the expected norm.

My hands were shaking as I opened his belt buckle and just as I saw him, I could feel saliva pool in my mouth. I've never had that reaction before. Ever. In my life. I put him in my mouth and went to work. I heard him moan and thrust his hips upwards, making me almost gag, and my eyes water. I pushed myself, going in deeper.

I kept sucking him as he was moaning of what a good girl I was. I wanted to please him… More or so, I wanted to please him enough for him to touch me again. I wanted to cum and I was going to.

Jaspers palm touched my head, petting me "You're such a good girl, whore." I moaned in response. "You want your gift?" I nodded but he wasn't having it "Answer me."

I tried to take him out of my mouth, but his hand wasn't letting me… Oh… He wanted me to speak with my mouth full. I could do that. I mumbled my answer with him in my mouth and he let me put him out of my mouth, letting me breathe more freely, looking pleased with himself.

Jasper got up, his cock, standing tall, his pants, laying lazily on his hips, walking over to a table. I was still on my knees near the chair he was just sitting, with saliva covering my mouth. Jasper smiled again towards me, seeing as I was staring at his most private part "Come on whore, or do you want to wait for more?"

I felt as if I would explode if I was to wait more to cum, so I crawled rather fast to him and he motioned for me to get up. I felt my knees crack painfully, but I ignored it. I was so close.

"Turn around and put you're your elbows on the table." As I did that I could my ass be in the air, and I almost felt too exposed but then I remembered I've been this naked for a while now.

I wasn't left too long to my own thoughts, until I felt his tongue, lick me up my slit, making my knees buckle and moan. He didn't do it again, but he did fist my hair and pull my head back "Where are we?"

"Green! Fucking green!" I screamed just wanting us to connect in the most intimate way and to cum already.

Jasper laughed and I suddenly felt the tip of his cock before he entered me, slowly, helping me adjust for a second, before he started to roughly go in and go out, in and out, at the peace I though my back would break. I didn't have to wait for long until I could feel it coming again.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." I was repeating as a mantra, as I was about to cum. I wanted to plead with Jasper to not stop but I knew if he wanted to he would have and I didn't want to put a though in his head.

"Cum, whore. I can feel you. Cum!" He yelled at me, panting himself as he repeated the rough pattern fucking me.

His moans, his yelling, his rough attitude and actions drove me over the edge and I was finally cumming, screaming his name, screaming any profanity my tired mind could think of, at the brim of crying, feeling the sweet release I coveted since I saw him.

I couldn't believe of how fast my second orgasm was approaching me, building up again, making me moan louder and louder. I didn't know if I would have any voice tomorrow, in the rate I was going at. I felt him go rougher, knowing he was going to cum soon as well.

Just as I felt the sweet thing, go through me, in a hot flash, my eyes watered, as I came again, almost going limp, as I heard Jasper find his own release.

I couldn't be happier.


	9. Chapter 9

I had noticed the more Jasper and I played, the better I slept. I had joked about it being much like exercise, and Jasper had agreed wholeheartedly, saying that it almost even counted as such, with the amount of sweating we were doing. I was going to be a fool if I wouldn't out right admit that I started to have feelings for Jasper.

Were Jasper and I together? It kind of felt like it. We were spending so much time together. We were fucking most of the time, truthfully speaking, but I was getting to know him anyway, just in a more intimate setting. I felt like if we would be together, or would make it official, we wouldn't want to stop fucking one another anyway. In any case I was enjoying what was happening too much for me to bring anything up. Perhaps it was too soon? I didn't want to dwell on that fact, so I didn't.

I was heading to the dungeon and I definitely had something else to think about.

Heidi, the receptionist, knew me by my name now, and greeted me, which made me feel good for some reason "Miss Bella, good evening!" Perhaps it was that I was being known by the community in a way. I didn't know if I was going to spend a lot of time in the community, since Jasper and I were just experiencing duality at the moment, but I knew that I didn't want to feel like I just had started doing it even if I was. I hated to be the new kid.

After Heidi had told me which room I was headed to, I immediately had butterflies. I don't know if I would ever lose them walking to meet Sir, I had them so often. Jasper was way way different than Sir was, but I was loving my time with both of them.

I didn't wear anything special to this meeting, opting for just some regular jeans and a sweatshirt, knowing that when I entered the room, I had to get naked as soon as possible. No funny business, or nothing. Sir liked me naked, just for him to see and do as he please. I didn't mind one bit. I've been naked with other people, of course, but never like this. Me being naked in this room was the norm.

Jasper was standing with his back to me, wearing his own dark jeans and a dark t-shirt, doing something at one of the posts of the bed. I didn't say anything to him. The last time I did, he wouldn't let me come for a long while, making sure I understood the rules of speech he wanted me to follow. I knew better and I knew that he knew I was in the room. After a minute or two Jasper turned and smiled at my naked body.

"You're a good girl, whore." I tingled when he was so rude towards me, and when he called me such a name. I could feel my cheeks flush.

"Come here." He gestured towards the bed he was standing next to.

"Should I crawl, sir?"

He smiled. He was proud of me that I was learning so quick. Then again, I wanted to cum, so I knew better indeed.

"Crawl, of course." I did as he instructed and crawled toward him. I could see the hunger in his eyes, and I couldn't help but to want to please him, feeling wetness between my thighs as I passed the room on my knees to him. My knees were bruised but I didn't feel it, not when I was with sir anyway.

"Get on the bed." He instructed and I sat down on the fluff. It reminded me as a distant cousin of Jaspers bed in a way. I loved Jaspers bed even more than I liked my own bed, it was the perfect match between fluff and rough just as Jasper was.

"Do you want to feel good?" he said as he petted my head.

I wanted to nod, but after a time I had done that and he had slapped me, I knew he wanted a vocal response "Yes, sir. Always." I said the truth. Since I was in this room I wanted to cum and I wanted to make him cum almost more but if he was asking, and if sir was going to be merciful, I was going to let him.

He smiled "You are such a cock hungry girl, aren't you? Lie on your back, whore."

I did as he told me, and after I did that, he cuffed my hands and my legs to the posts. I trusted him, but adrenaline spiked, and I was breathing heavier. I watched him do my hands and my ankles, smirking the whole time. We hadn't done this before. He dragged his hands over my naked body and it didn't matter that the room was warm; where he touched me, my skin felt hot and it left a trail of goosebumps on it. I squirmed under his touch getting too excited too fast.

His hand traveled down to my vulva and slowly pushed a finger inside. I let out a satisfied sigh. Him touching me was so fulfilling that it was almost everything I wanted in life – his touch.

He was feeling me up with his other hand, as he was fingering me, but it didn't last long, sadly. Heaven ended when he withdrew his finger and I almost felt like crying. I moaned at the lost contact and that made Jasper respond "Don't whine, whore. I don't like brats." He pushed the finger he had inside me just a second ago in my mouth. I could taste myself and I licked every part he was offering me. He was generous today and I was accepting it.

He showed me had a magic wand type thing in his hands and I knew in a second what it was. I've seen enough of videos to know what that massager could do to my clit and I was so scared and excited to try it that I muttered "Please. Make me cum, sir." My want and need taking over.

Jaspers face twisted in anger and he grabbed my throat, almost cutting all my air supply, making me want to use my hands that were useless at the moment "Did I speak to you? Were you given permission to speak?" he spat at me.

"No, sir." I gasped. I know I shouldn't have done it. I did it anyway. Truthfully, I had wished he would have used the toy faster on me and would overlook it.

"I'm not going back on my word, but you definitely will." He said angrily, as he let go of my throat and taking the toy in his hands.

I only had a second to take a breath in until he put the toy against my clit, and I let one of loudest moans I've had. The sudden pleasure that went through my clit and my body made my body relax as much as make it tense up. It didn't take even a minute for me to cum. I was licking my lips, about to ask if I could cum, hoping that Jasper truly wouldn't back down on his promise and make me beg for my release as he had done before.

"You don't have to ask me to cum, whore, just do what you do best." He said a smirk in his tone.

As I let go and I was cumming, moaning, I was wondering why he was so happy. I had defied him, he was supposed to be angry with me, wasn't he?

I was still panting, coming down, the high when he didn't put the toy away. He was still keeping the massager on my clit. I could feel myself coming back to the high place in a record time "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" I was repeating as a mantra as I was about to cum a second time. It felt like a hot iron spiked through my clit through my whole body as I came, this time yelling, for the second time in the first minutes.

I was coming down, almost feeling high from the orgasms I had experiened. It started to turn to pain as he still was holding the massager against me. "Please, sir, fuck, fuck, please!" I was yelling at him, not really knowing what I was as begging for. Did I love it? Yes! Did I hate it? Yes!

"What is it whore? You wanted me to use it on you." I could hear a smirk in his voice.

"Jesus Christ." I yelled out loud as Jasper turned the massager on a higher level. I could feel myself tearing up, as I suddenly came again, not even anticipating it this time "Stop, fucking stop."

"Aww, baby." He cooed and laughed at my tears "I think you have just one more in you." He said as he turned up the levels even higher and I was just yelling this time, not even moaning, not even enjoying the painful, hot feeling that was shooting through. The fourth release that came through, made my ears ring and my head spin. I was cussing at Jasper, as he was just laughing.

As I came down, he slowly turned down the toy letting me take a breath in and my heartbeat settle to normal. I wanted too cuss at him, but I didn't want to keep going like that any longer and I knew he was sadistic enough o keep going until I said my safe word.

I looked at him, and he was smiling, his eyes sparkling. I bet I was looking at him as if I hated him, but it didn't deter him at all. He just put his hand on my throat, not really choking me just making sure I felt his hand there. He leaned in, kissing my tears and then kissing me "You've been a good girl. Do you want your reward?" Jasper said against my lips.

"Yes, sir." I said, still wanting to please him.

Jasper undressed in front of me, showing me how much he had loved what he had done to me. When he was undressed, he was stroking his cock, looking at me. I couldn't help but to get excited again, which told me that I truly was a whore. But since I was his, it didn't bother me one bit.

He suddenly got up on me, his knees straddling my shoulders, his cock almost on my face. I've never been in such a position, where he was almost sitting on top of my chest "Open your mouth, whore." He demanded and I did as he told me, wanting to have him in my mouth.

I never truly realized that I loved sucking cock, but when it came to his cock, I wanted him, and I wanted it all the time. I couldn't use my hands, which kind of made it a light torture for me. At first, I was in charge, sucking him harder and going in deeper at my own pace, but then Jasper got tired of it, and just started to move faster, taking control back.

"Your mouth," he moaned "is exquisite. But it needs to shut the fuck up." He started to fuck my mouth faster, making me gag almost on every thrust "When I cum, I want you to swallow everything I give to you, whore." He moaned and I moaned in response.

God, I wanted to have it all, and I just couldn't believe I was so lucky to have this man. When he did come, I swallowed eagerly, even though I almost choked having his cock so deep in my throat. I had tears in my eyes again, but this time, from his cock hitting my throat.

He came down his high and got off of me. We smiled at each other, knowing that that was it for now. He uncuffed me and picked me up bridal style, to the connected bathroom, and ran the shower. I adored him in these moments the most. I felt as if I wanted to sleep and lay down, but Jasper always took care of me. I didn't have to lift a finger in these moments.

Jasper sat me down on the shower stool, the warm water hitting my back, as he turned it on "You did wonderful, Bella." He kissed my wrists "How are you doing?"

I smiled at him "I'm good. Tired." I nodded.

I found out I would be really tired after these sessions. Jasper had said that when people were in a scene, submissive would go into this subspace, the mindset where no one else existed but us and what we were doing. Usually people would refer to it when they were experiencing pain, but Jasper had reminded me that pleasure wasn't a long way down the line from pain, and that this was normal. Subspace was the high feeling of the things I had let him do to me, that led me to extreme levels. And seeing as I was new to this, I was getting used to even small, short scenes, and I would enter the subspace easily enough.

The rougher part was me exiting it. Jasper said when you just leave a person in the subspace, without any aftercare, they could experience depressive episodes and feel all kinds of ways, like unworthy, bad, disgusted and so on.

I had asked Jasper what was it he was experiencing, if I was in subspace and he had said that it's the connection and heightened senses, and he even said love for the person who he gets to dominate. He did say it's nothing like subspace, but he also needed aftercare of me, to get out of his top space.

I leaned in and kissed him, and he kissed me back. I was thanking him, for being a good dom and I was thanking him for taking care of me. He washed me and kissed me, and even if it was something normal and just plain sweet, it did kind of wake me up and I was more awake by the time he was drying me off.

"So," he started "I'm looking for a new place." He stated.

"That's great!" I was truly happy for him "What; You don't like living with Edward?" I joked.

He laughed answering "I don't like living with roommates. I want my own place. Definitely happy if there wouldn't be any Cullen's there too." He stopped laughing "I'm looking for a soundproof place as well. Or a place I can soundproof." He smirked when I looked surprised at him.

He was getting a place and he was thinking of me while looking at it. The butterflies were back.


	10. Chapter 10

He slapped me and I couldn't stop the moan, as he did that. My brain had basically learned that when he did something that pleases him, it pleased me. Also, I was enjoying the sharp pain and humiliation that came with it.

"You like it, whore?" He slapped me again "Answer me." He pushed himself harder inside me.

"Yes! Yes, sir, I love it when you fuck me like that!" I screamed my lungs hurting from the screaming and the moaning.

Jasper had tied my hands behind my back and was fucking me furiously while I was on top of him. He used this to his advantage using and abusing me with his hands as he wished. He would slap me or pinch my nipples or choke me.

He had proved me very wrong when I had said that the dominant was on top. Very wrong. And I loved every second of it. Perhaps I needed to ask him silly questions more often? He made me squat on him, as he was moving his hips upwards mercilessly.

He pushed my hips down, making me slip up in my squat, landing on his cock, deeper than I had anticipated "Holy fuck." It made me cry out and him moan. He moved his hips upwards keeping up the rhythm.

I could feel the sweet tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach start to form and I knew what I had to do before it got too close "May I cum, sir?"

"No." he was breathless "Hold it."

I was confused, this being the first time he had told me no. If I didn't ask, then he's stop, but not this. He kept up the pace and it made me panic that I was going to cum without his permission. I could feel myself sweating a lot more making me concentrate on not doing what my body was screaming me to do, what my brain was screaming me to do - denying the only thing I truly wanted.

Jaspers pace was starting to become more erratic, and I knew he was close too.

"Cum for me, whore. Do it!" Jasper moaned louder than before, and I knew he was cumming as well. I let go of the stress and I joined him in the sweet and almost painful bliss. I was in seventh heaven if that place was real. Jasper made sure it was.

I was shaking as I was coming down, and Jasper let me just sit on him, as I did that "You were so great." I moaned, still enjoying him "And you were so right." I laughed.

Jasper helped me up and steadied me, my hands still behind my back. As he uncuffed me he kissed my back slowly as he undid the cuffs. Jasper usually kept more silent when he was coming out of his role, opposite of me – I became more talkative, so I didn't really pay attention that he wasn't answering me in full sentences.

"Let's head to my place." I said, not really feeling like I needed extra care, or for that care to be here. I knew he cared about me "I'd much rather relax and watch some Netflix or something."

"Let's do that." He said as he freed me and passed me my clothes.

"How's the apartment hunting?" I asked him as we were getting dressed.

His lip corner dropped in half a scowl "Still pretty bad." Jasper had been looking for apartments for couple of days but every time something was wrong with it. The floor was too high or low, it was too small, had a weird smell – you get the idea. Sometimes it even had ugly windows or a weird looking neighbor. I think he was just looking for an excuse because every time he had mentioned these obstacles of finding a new apartment he was comparing it to the apartment he was in.

"You know, you can always remodel it if you hate it."

I think Jasper knew that he didn't want a different apartment as well. What he wanted was Edward not to live there. But good luck to him, since I knew Edward loved the apartment as well. It was their first apartment they were living in, outside their family or a crappy dorm room. We ended up in my apartment like most of the nights; and it was a fine apartment of course. I definitely liked it! But I knew Jasper wasn't entirely loving it since he knew his apartment had more space, a better bed and more soundproof room than my place. But I had something he didn't – roommates.

It kind of made me look at things differently. When I was with Edward, I hardly ever saw Jasper at their place, always thinking that Jasper was just busy. Now I knew he made himself busy.

We did this most evenings – fucked, went to my place, slept, went our separate ways, met again, fucked… And so on. I was feeling the questions were bubbling inside of me. I wanted to ask him or intend that we do something else for a change but I just didn't know how to bring it up.

Turns out, I didn't have to. When we entered my place, he said "So the party is happening at the café tomorrow night. Do you want to go?" He asked me, hugging me from behind, resting his head on my shoulder.

I smiled to myself as I answered "I'd love to go, if you want to go. I miss Rosalie and Emmett." I had forgotten about them for almost a month now being in a fucking haze. Had a month already passed?

I think he had forgotten about them as well as he said "Yeah, I haven't seen them for a while. I'd love to catch up more than a text or two." He snaked his hands around my body, tickling me softly "You've kept me busy."

I squealed and I tried to get away from him but he had me "Only this time you'll need your own clothes not Rosalie's, since I'm going to rip them off of you!" He pulled my t-shirt off me before he could finish his sentence.

How this man couldn't get enough, was beyond me.

To my surprise I woke up alone. Jasper wasn't in the apartment – I didn't have to look long for him since it was so small. I was a little confused as to where he was or where he went, since every time I woke up, he was there, or he would wake us up or vise versa. When I checked my phone, I had a message from Rosalie

**A month goes by fast doesn't it? Jasper said something about shopping. Call me.**

** -Rosalie**

And a message from Jasper

**I'm sorry I had to go; I didn't want to wake you. There was an apartment opening in the building. Text me later.**

** -Jasper**

Well… That was the end of that mystery. I hopped in the shower and scrubbed, shaved and polished every part of me. I had an idea where this day was going to lead to, and I wanted to feel as fresh as possible.

I ended calling Rosalie after the shower, and she mentioned that she could pick me up as soon as possible seeing as they wanted to get some dinner before we went there. I realized that I hadn't met anyone for anything outside my Jasper bubble. I was hungry for human contact and I didn't even realize that I was until now. I agreed with Rosalie, picking a much earlier time for her to come pick me up rather than a later one.

When I finally met Rosalie, I felt kind of ashamed remembering that she had to see the mess tat I had been the last time with the event. The memories I had pushed to the side were suddenly very much come back to life. I felt like I should apologize but I had a feeling she would tell me to shut up if I did, so instead I just greeted her and chatted aimlessly.

That is, until she asked me about Jasper "So, how about you guys, he's your dom now?"

Truthfully I didn't know if he was "I think so, yeah. We made it pretty clear to one another that we wanted this."

She nodded, smiling "Good. He hasn't had a sub for a while now. He's much calmer and focused when he has one." Was Jasper ever not calm? I couldn't remember. But then again, I didn't know him as long as Rosalie did. What I took away from Rosalie was that I was meeting his needs and that made me happy enough. I still had time to get to know him.

"What happened to the last sub?" I had to ask, my curiosity getting the best of me.

Rosalie diverted her eyes from mine, pretending to look at something "Well… You met her. Maria. Do you remember her?"

I picked my brain, but it all came out too blurry for me to say yes "Not really, no."

"Well, Maria was his sub for a while. They were a good duo and everything, but they ended their thing since Maria wanted more than a submissive-dominant relationship. I think it was like, almost half a year ago or something."

My stomach dropped.

I tried not to show her my ever-growing stress and played along "Oh? What did she want more? Like to move in or something?"

This time she looked at me, with a tad bit of concern for me "No, not exactly. She wanted a romantic relationship. Because the relationship they had, the submissive-dominant, was just that. He was her dominant and he fucked her in the dungeon. Outside that – nothing. That's it."

I could feel sweat on my back, while I nodded. The dungeon. Did he choose the same room? Was Jasper and I just that? Were we just a sub and a dom?

But… Wasn't that what I wanted initially?

Since when had it turned out that I wanted something more?

Before Rosalie could notice something and tell Jasper, hint him that perhaps I was feeling the same thing as Maria, and make him stop I said "She probably should have voiced her feelings earlier, so they could avoid anything painful. I hope she's doing good."

"Hm." She shrugged "I never cared much for her."

Rosalie and I changed the subject, talking about movies and books, something that made me forget why I had just bought a crotchless lace body, and a dark blue mini dress I would wear over it. And the anxiety that came with it. God, I had to calm down if I didn't want drink myself silly from stress again like the last time!

We didn't stay there for long and just headed to Rosalie's. She had mentioned that her favorite thing was when she had all day to slowly get ready. And I didn't mind it as well.

"You know, I actually very rarely get ready with girls." Rosalie mused as we got together this time, unlike the other one where she was making me up. I didn't want her to and I had a feeling she didn't want to as well. Which was fine – she showed me, she made me feel comfortable and the rest was on me.

I smiled at her, enjoying her company "How come?"

She shrugged her shoulders as she was slowly putting on her clothes "I didn't really have any girlfriends when I was growing up." I could see that play out. Rosalie was blunt and said what was on her mind. That must have been hard on people. But what must've made it harder was that she looked so gorgeous and beautiful. Truthfully, I could see Rosalie not needing anyone. Want – being something different.

Since we were doing our thing, Jasper was away and Emmett was finishing up work, we decided to meet at the restaurant. I felt kind of lost, not really knowing the plans, like where we were going exactly and how much time or money we were going to spend. But I tried to loosen up, and just trying to enjoy everything that was happening. My mind took too much space with too much planning and much less enjoyment of the process. And wasn't bdsm about the enjoyment of it? I was not only learning a lot about sex life but life in general. It could be beautiful, fun and sexy if you played your cards right.

Rosalie called us an uber and it didn't take much time at all from her place. I even almost regretted not walking there. I was surprised that it was a cute, little Mexican restaurant, not something fancy. It was full of flowers, which I adored. I had to stop thinking ahead of these things and making assumptions.

What did help me stop thinking and maybe even drool a little was Jasper, sitting there, waiting for us, wearing a suit. A goddamn grey English style suit. How dare he look this good?

When he stood up to greet us, he got up and kissed both of my cheeks, whispering to me "I hope you're not too fond of that dress." He smelt too good to answer. Like fresh spring flowers. My brain had stopped working.

He smirked at me and moved to kiss Rosalie's cheek "You look dashing as ever Rosalie." Which made her slap his hand away from her shoulder and laugh.

Rosalie did look fantastic, wearing a skintight dark red dress. And I knew that she was wearing a full red set under the dress as well. When Emmett showed up, shortly after us, wearing dress pants and a dress shirt, also matching our theme of intellectual sexy chic, he couldn't keep his hands to himself! He was touching Rosalie one way or another and she let him. I think it was a privilege to earn. I didn't neither of them how their relationship worked and where the lines blurred and how Rosalie dominated, but sometimes it was more interesting just watching them interact than asking and putting my nose up in their business.

The food was fantastic! It didn't matter the place was small or wasn't a fancy one, it delivered one of the best I've ever had. I think I had come accustomed to the fancy places because of Edward. I always felt like I didn't belong. But now, eating a not so spicy taco, I felt perfectly at ease.

"Are you guys ready to go?" Jasper was asking for the third time.

Emmet rolled his eyes "We know you can't wait to get your hands on young Bella here Jasper, but all in good time."

I had to laugh at that. Jasper was truly fidgeting every time he was asking this. Jasper scowled at Emmett but didn't say anything.

"Let's just go, I don't want to get kicked out of the restaurant because Jasper decides to fuck Bella in the bathroom. It's too nice of a place." Rosalie laughed herself helping move things along, making us go. I was enjoying the nice light mood but there was a shitty feeling in the back of my mind that made me think – has this happened before?

"Are you ready?" Jasper asked me, taking my hand.

Was I ready?


	11. Chapter 11

The place was just like I had remembered it. The only difference was it had a lot more people and no one on the miniature stage this time around. I was still as nervous though, that all I wanted to have a drink to calm my nerves.

When we reached the bar, a different bartender was working, this time. It was a girl… In fact it was the girl who was on the stage the last time… Jane, I think, was her name. Rosalie noticed my confused stare "The people who work here like these things and they sometimes participate." She shrugged.

I nodded looking around, worried about something, not sure what. Jasper must have felt me tense up. He was behind me, resting his head on my shoulder, holding my waist down "We can have a drink and you can calm down or I can calm you down? What do you say beautiful?" his hand was snaking down to my butt. I was still tense, but I knew that what Jasper had in mind would help me relax.

"Should we go to the bathroom?" I whispered at him.

I could feel him shake his head softly "No… No bathroom. They're strictly off limits." His hand was still traveling around my body, squeezing my ass, almost painfully, but just below real pain.

I licked my lips "Where?" I was ready for him.

"Here." He tried to push my body out of the way to get to me, but soon found out that there was a special hole for his evil ministrations "Oh, you truly are a little whore aren't you? What if someone else had found out?"

I wanted to push away from him and tell him that I didn't want to do this in front of everyone. They would see. Rosalie and Emmett and the girl behind the bar, and everyone who was here. It wouldn't be like in the alley, where it was just an if. I could feel people looking at us, peeking at us through the conversations they were having. I knew this. And I couldn't step away from Jaspers offer to help me relax. He wouldn't be doing this if we couldn't.

"It's only for you, sir." I whispered loudly enough, not able to speak up louder.

He pushed a finger in and I gasped in surprise, that I truly was letting this happen, not the amazing feeling of him inside me.

"Is it?" he started to pump it in and out "I should mark it then, don't you think? So, any of these hungry fuckers don't even look at you."

"Yes." I moaned louder now, closing my eyes. I could feel myself relax and let go of whatever I was holding before.

His other hand, that was on my hips, was hugging me around the waist now, pushing me into him as his fingers were pushing inside me.

"Whose whore are you Bella?" he kissed my neck "Tell me."

"Yours, sir!" I was gasping shamelessly as I was nearing a release, but not there yet, thinking about everyone's eyes on me. Everything being a tad bit too much.

He started pushing his fingers faster and faster bringing me the place since I wasn't 'meeting it' on my own. He was going to make me cum if I wanted to or not… I could feel the sweet tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach as he whispered, "Stop resisting."

As the feeling came over me and took everything with it, I cried out in gasps and moans, no longer shocked at what I did but instead it was relief that I had let Jasper make the decision for me. He was still holding me, as I was slowly coming down, and opening my eyes, looking at the ground, trying to come around.

"Darling?" Jasper asked, this time not a whisper "You want to go sit down?"

"Yes." I blinked and finally moved my eyes upwards. Not one person was looking at us. I stood up straighter, Jaspers hand still around me.

Jasper led us away from the bar and to one of the tiny tables in the back and I choose to rather sit in his lap, wanting to feel closer to him. He of course let me, slowly caressing my back. He was murmuring that I was a good girl and sweet. I needed this more than any other after care. No one even bothered to stare at us, just a passing look maybe but nothing that I imagined would be. Jasper made it better being so understanding and of course everyone's reaction helped me as well. The last time there was a spanking and it was on the stage. I guess a mere fingering, without skin, wasn't as interesting to them.

At least I thought so. A woman, with dark hair, wavy up in her ponytail, wearing a tight small black dress came up to us. She seemed familiar but I couldn't understand where I've seen those dark eyes.

"Long time no see Jasper." She addressed him, not even looking at me. Even that felt familiar.

"Maria. It's been a month isn't it?" He answered, tad bit colder. Maria! Rosalie told me about her… And I remembered her. She had ignored me, the last time, when I had come up to her and Rosalie. She was still ignoring me, but now it just made sense. I understood. That didn't mean I liked her attitude. She needed to check herself.

Jasper continued "You remember Bella." He said his cold tone softening up a bit.

"Not really, no." she said coldly "But the marking, that I saw." She was getting more emotional and I could feel Jasper tense up.

"Maria? Bella and I are enjoying some time together, if you don't mind?" the tone reminded me of his dominant voice a bit, and the first time I didn't get wet but jealous hearing it. I wanted her to leave.

I looked at Jasper hoping my eyes would tell him everything. He looked at me and smiled a tight smile, reassuring me a bit. I was glad about this silent, understandable exchange.

"You know what? I don't want to go, what I want is-" She was getting louder and louder attracting attention that no one wanted.

"Maria." Jasper said though his teeth almost menacingly "Fucking. Go. What do you not understand?"

Now I got wet.

He could be so dominant, so sweet and such an asshole if he needed to be one. No wonder I was sporting a huge crush on him, wishing for something I didn't let my mind think of now.

Maria looked at me, up and down, biting her lip. Looked at Jasper, with her cheek high, turned around and left. She looked like she wanted to tell him off, burn me and spit on both of us but she left anyway. Jaspers dominant voice was not only sexy as hell but authoritative.

Jasper just embraced me a little harder but didn't say anything. I kind of expected him to tell me that she was his ex and they had a falling out. But he didn't tell me anything about her. He didn't even tell me she was his sub. I wondered why he did that… Perhaps he was just protecting me and didn't want to ruin the moment…

I didn't have long to wait for someone to come again since Emmett came up "Drama?" he asked, joking, a drink in his hands.

"Is this place always like this?" I asked before Jasper could say anything, not that he was going to answer.

Emmett laughed and sat down "Well, you meet people, you get involved, sometimes their personal life spills over. That's life, Bella." He shrugged "How are you doing?" he smirked.

I laughed a bit, coming slowly back to life "I'm…" I thought about it, wanting to be as truthful as possible "Feeling better. A little nervous still, but." I shrugged.

Emmett smiled at me, "Well, the first time Rosalie did something public here with me, I thought I was going to shit myself." He leaned in closer "So, I was afraid everyone would judge me here and I was restless, barely able to relax. But the thing is, this is safe space, where we can do what we want, what we feel with our partners, safe, sane and consensual of course. We don't have to hide from anyone." He leaned back out "I mean the drama can happen, but it stays with us. Here." He got up and padded my shoulder and left to where Rosalie was, talking to someone, her back to us.

I leaned harder in Jasper, relaxing against him. Emmett was right. This was a safe space where Jasper could be my sir in public, if he wanted to and I wanted him to be, and act as we wanted to without repercussions. We didn't have to hide. Of course I had my worries and fears but not one of these people seemed to care so much to tell us off, which was probably the fear that was seeded in me, since it wasn't socially acceptable to mark someone as submissive by fingering them in the middle of a café.

I turned my head in Jaspers neck and kissed him, wanting to show him some appreciation as well. I needed something sweet now.

"What was that for?" He asked and I could hear a smile in his voice, that warmed my heart.

"I never thanked you for the orgasm."

He kissed my forehead "Oh, you will thank me, trust me."

The moment was so perfect and intimate I didn't want to ruin it and I hoped that no one would as well. Including Jasper.

He didn't and neither did anyone else, for a long while.

Jasper and I just laid around, cuddling in public. We didn't really talk, rather just enjoying each other. It made me think what Emmett said. That this safe place. Well, the thing was that Jasper and I could cuddle here, and it made me realize we couldn't do that in public. I wished we could, but for now I was alright with this.

"I need to go to the bathroom." I told him, not wanting to break our moment but not able to hold it in any longer. Someone had to burst the bubble – better us than anyone else.

"I'm going to get us drinks." he said as he got up with me, holding my hand.

It was almost like I was walking around the place as if I was here for the first time. I truly was too drunk last night. I was just having some flashbacks from the place. The girl, wasn't getting herself back together in the toilet and when I left it, I didn't have to stumble out of it to find Rosalie and Jasper ex sub. The place was actually very cute and even if it seemed small it wasn't. The things that change when I'm not too drunk.

I walked out and I saw him there, looking fantastic in his suit. Fuck the drinks, I wanted him, not some juice with ice in it. I had a tad bit of a déjà vu feeling seeing him Caius. Him, I remember now. They seemed to have some kind of a beef, that I never got around asking Jasper about.

I walked closer and I could hear them speak. Jasper was mid-sentence ".. isn't caring. I don't share Caius."

"She seems too sweet not to share Jasper. Oh, and she's here! Hey there, Bella, right?" Caius smirked at me and my stomach turned.

I stood next to Jasper and he gave me something that looked like water. I guess he ordered the drinks with Caius standing next to him. I wanted to tell Jasper that I wanted him to fuck me, but Caius was asking me a question as soon as I had the water in my hand.

"Bella, we were just here talking-"

"You were talking." Jasper said matter of fact.

Caius smiled at that, not paying attention to Jaspers annoyed voice "- that what if you had multiple partners?"

It was so uncomfortable, the silence that fell after it. Jasper looked at me and I knew I had to answer, "No. I don't want that at all." And multiple partners huh? I had enough when I was with Edward and trying to get Jasper to even notice me. I was alright with just him for now, no need to complicate it with anyone else. Especially if they had beef…

"Jasper," I looked at him and Caius "I wanted to talk to you alone."

Jasper had the smallest of smiles "You have to go Caius."

He just nodded and left. At least he didn't stay when Jasper asked him to go.

"So, what did you want to tell me?" He looked down on me, towering over me.

I smirked, pushing my palm against his hips, leaning in "That you really look amazing and sexy and I want you to fuck me." I said with a sly smile, innocently.

He laughed and took my hand "Let's get out of here."

I almost felt like kissing him but that seemed too intimate. I knew it was funny and sad in a way to say that a kiss is more intimate than fucking each other raw but I truly felt like it was. There was no part in me that thought otherwise. A kiss was something I hoped to achieve with him, but I wasn't going to voice it now since I knew what had happened to the last person.

We had just exited the café, when I had my jaw almost break off.

There she was, standing in the middle of the road, with tight jeans, and an overly fancy coat, that looked like a Russian rug. Alice was looking at us, with the bitchiest face I've seen on her face yet. I gulped. I had a bad feeling.

I didn't think we were a secret, Jasper and I, but this definitely wasn't the way to go. Alice just snapped a picture on her phone and got in her car and went her way. Jasper and I were left speechless, not sure what that meant or what that was about.


	12. Chapter 12

Jasper had found an apartment. Those were the good news – the bad news was that it was in the same apartment building as his place with Edward. That meant we didn't have to fuck next to him but somewhere above. He wouldn't hear us, but he might see us.

I didn't know if I was that worried about him seeing us since Alice had her pretty picture, or that when I kissed him in the gallery Edward knew it was me, since Alice knew. I still didn't know what she was doing with the picture or what she was doing there. Did she know we were going to be there? That was kind of creepy, but I felt better not thinking about it and that's what I was doing.

Jasper wanted to move as fast as possible. That was understandable but I still made a joke or two about it. Before he could get pissed though I had asked if he wanted some help moving his things up. He was moving to the third floor from the first.

"Emmett and Rosalie are going to help." He smiled at my offer "Well, Emmett is probably going to help, Rosalie is going to drop him at my place. The both of us will deal with it."

Jasper was sitting on my bed, watching me get ready for my shift slowly. He had a free day today, for the move, but Emmett wasn't up this early, he could walk me to my work, since one of us had to work today.

I didn't put anything fancy or sexy on, even if I wanted to just to provoke Jasper, but then again I knew I was going to be in anything I dressed in, in a bookstore. So, was it a good sexy idea? Yes. Practical? Not really. My jeans and a tight sweatshirt would do.

As we were walking, I remembered to ask Jasper about Caius. What was going on between them?

Jaspers mouth twisted as if suddenly he had something sour in it "We go back. Way back. I was introduced to him by a friend and we used to talk a lot. I though he was a little pervy, but who isn't." He touched my butt and I jumped up making him laugh "But then I started to notice a trend. He would take a girl. Use and abuse her, and then cut her off. Not to mention aftercare, that is just fucking cruel. But like, that was it – he was done with them after he had done everything he wanted. I would see that they were heartbroken and so much more and he didn't care. I confronted him but he denied it, laughed it off but it was obvious."

A shiver ran through me. If Jasper wouldn't have given me an ounce of aftercare I would have ran away as fast as my legs would take me. I think so at least. I would have been depressed and more than heart broken.

"Is that even legal?" I had to ask.

He looked at me, like he was looking through me. What was he thinking about? Jasper could be an open book but he was truly mysterious.

"It's consensual." He shrugged "We can protect the girls by informing them, but it's their choice at the end of the day. The community frowns upon it and doesn't agree with it, him included if you'd ask him, but sometimes you'll meet shitty people who practice bdsm in not a safe way."

"Who would want that?" I wondered loudly. That just seemed like abuse.

"Well, some do stick around." He twisted his mouth in sadness again "Jane, the bartender, for example. She's always there for him, and he takes her up on her offer sometimes. It's a twisted cycle."

Truthfully, I hadn't expected that he would have told me the story so easily, after I asked. I didn't have to beg or ask again. He told me after I asked. It made me wonder what else he would tell me if I asked. He seemed open enough.

"What if I had gone to him?" I half heartedly joked, but truly wondering why he hadn't warned me of him before.

He put his hand around me as he said, faking false offence "So I'm not enough of a dom, huh?" he changed his tone in a more serious one "Never ever would I have fucking let that happen."

"You? A dominant?" I joked as we stopped in front of my work. We were there quite early too.

Jaspers face changed so much I had to blink. Nothing really changed but the look in his eyes. I could swear they darkened, and I stepped back.

Jaspers jaw flexed and he stepped closer. He moved his head to the side "Your work – no one's there, right?"

I shook my head, wetness pooling between my legs.

"Open the door. I'll show you how dominant I can be." I could feel myself feel small when he was like that.

"Umm… Angela is going to be here any minute?" I wanted to say but it turned out more as a question.

He leaned into my face so close I could feel his breath "Then hurry the fuck up."

My hands were shaking as I unlocked the place and let us in, locking the door back up. There were cameras in the place so I beelined to the bathroom, Jasper on my heels. My adrenaline was spiking through the roof and I didn't know what to do with myself.

It looked like Jasper did know what to do. As soon as the door closed Jasper grabbed me by the throat and pushed me against the wall. He wasn't choking me, just holding onto it. His face was almost against mine as I was shocked in place. It felt like he was breathing my fear and lust for him "Now, my dear, dear whore. You don't think I'm dominant enough?" When I didn't answer, he pushed his hand harder against my throat, almost cutting my air supply "Answer me."

"I'm sorry sir. I was joking, I'm sorry." I croaked out and he let me go. Our play time was slowly but surely rushing through our lives. I didn't mind it.

Jasper looked like he was thinking the same thing, kissing me passionately against the wall. I couldn't get enough of him, getting to his shirt, trying to get it off him, wanting to feel him more.

He ended the kiss "Take off your pants." He said as he was unbuckling his own. I was frozen for a second looking at his fingers on his belt. There was something too sexy about it. As he opened it, I snapped back and opened my own pants as soon as possible, pushing them down.

Jasper leaned in and kissed me again, slowly starting to touch my clit. I was surprised by the softness of his touch as our kiss was so rough. As his fingers were starting up a pace, I was moaning in the kiss. His mouth wasn't going to let mine go no matter what. In the playroom Jasper would usually look at me, at my face and expressions when he did these things to me. Not now.

"Turn around." He whispered against my lips and we broke free from each other.

I turned around, and I could feel his cock against me, from the back and I couldn't help the moan that escaped me "Please." I pleaded, needing the connection like air.

He pushed himself in me, and I felt like everything was right and I was content. I could hear Jaspers moan and it felt like he felt the same. He pushed out and in and I rested my face and palms against the wall, feeling it heat up under my face, as I felt one of the best feelings in the world – him inside of me.

"Fuck, Bella;" Jasper was talking as he was starting to pound in me faster and faster "You make me do this. I can't keep my hands to myself. Fuck!" He held onto my hips.

"Then don't." I moaned back at him and he pounded harder in me, making my eyes water of how good it felt.

Jasper put one of his hands over mine, and it felt so personal, since he was fucking me from behind in a bookstore toiler, my face against the wall. It was a simple gesture. I could feel his head behind mine, panting as one would. I mirrored his moans as I was worried that Angela would come in the bookstore.

As I was thinking about it, I could feel myself come closer to the edge and I was getting louder and louder, even if I understood the consequences of doing so. Jasper must have had a clearer mind than I did since he moved his hand from my hand over my mouth.

His other hand went in my hair, pulling my head back slightly, as he was picking up his pace, going faster. I knew he was going to cum soon from his breaths and I needed to concentrate if I wanted to cum as well. I was starting to clench and unclench my vaginal muscle knowing that that was going to make me feel him more and soon I could feel the sweet release coming.

The orgasm was sudden, and not that perfect, but I did end up orgasming, so that was all that mattered. I bit Jaspers hand, feelings taking over me not even thinking why I was doing it, Jasper had cum as well, moaning my name this time, telling me how good I feel.

We just stood there, coming down. And even if I wanted to cuddle up with him now, and perhaps take a nap, I had to start doing my job and make sure Angela wasn't here when Jasper was. Jasper pulled away and helped me dress up first, not taking care of himself, as he was still naked from the bottom down. It would have been funny if I wasn't afraid I would get busted.

"You alright?" He asked me, as I was buttoning up my jeans. Jasper looked slightly worried when he asked me this and I thought my heart was going to explode. He was so sweet.

I nodded "I am. Thank you." I smiled "For everything. How about you?"

He leaned in and kissed my cheek "I'm good."

I left him there to get dressed as I needed to start my workday. I looked at my phone and saw that we still had more than half an hour until we were open and thank god Angela wasn't in yet knowing that she was always early here. I breathed a sigh of relief. I opened the register and made everything ready for the day and did the same with the computer.

I just saw Jasper exit the bathroom when Angela came into view at the front door. Jasper was slowly making his way here and I knew that Angela will be meeting him. I moved to let her in the store, so she didn't have to find her keys. Angela saw him coming while she was stilloutside and as she walked in she looked at me questioningly.

"Umm…" I couldn't even say anything else as Jasper came in hearing distance, thinking about what we had just done trying to think of a lie "Angela, this is my friend Jasper. Sorry, he asked to use the bathroom." I smiled apologetically towards her.

When I said, 'my friend', Jasper snapped a look at me and I wondered how should I have introduced him to her. I didn't know if he was my boyfriend and I wasn't going to say that he was my dominant. In my heart of hearts, I knew it was okay to let my friend in to use the bathroom, but Angela had a weird look on her face. Did she come in earlier and heard something? Did she know? Did I have something written on my forehead?

Jasper responded, even with Angela's unusual sour face "Nice to meet you Angela. You have a beautiful workplace." Jasper was trying to be extra charming, seeing her face, so I wasn't imagining it "Thank you Bella, I'll be on my way then." He exited as soon as possible, probably not wanting to cause any harm in my workplace. I was sure everything would be alright. The worst case scenario would be that Angela would tell me not to do that again.

I felt like time stopped for a second as he passed us. He put his hand on my hip, his eyes looking almost sad, longingly at me. He was telling me something and I felt a little panicky about it. I didn't know what to do, so I smiled at him, trying to comfort whatever he had happening in his head. I couldn't wait for my workday to end even if it hadn't even started yet.

When he left, Angela still hadn't said anything, which was worrisome. I looked at her "You alright, Ang?" I touched her shoulder. Had something happened to her? Did someone hurt her?

She shook her head coming back to life. She looked at me suddenly her face twisting in sadness "I'm alright, thank you. Listen Bella, I'm glad you're here early." I breathed in a sigh of relief. So Angela didn't hear anything. Good. I relaxed a bit "I have to talk to you…" and my anxiety spiked back up again.

"What's up?" I said as casually as one could and I relaxed my stance against the counter.

"I don't know how to say this…" She looked at her hands that she was playing with, not meeting my eyes that only made the panic I felt rise more "We will have to let you go."

My brain shut off when she said that.

"What?"

She still didn't look at me "We are firing you. You don't have to work today, it would be cruel…"

My brain was kicking in and it was furious and had many questions as to why this was happening and why it was so sudden "What the fuck Angela? With no notice, nothing? Why?"

I've never been fired in my life and I almost felt like I was going to tear up.

This time Angela looked at me "Managements decision not mine, but they have your pictures going to sex parties and whatnot. They want this place to be family friendly and sex parties aren't it."

"What sex parties!" I yelled at her "I've done nothing." I said as I realized that I did do something. But… Weren't they anonymous? They never hurt anyone, and no one knew about it. This was bullshit. What sex parties?

She looked at me with pity "Your friend… He was in those photos as well." I shook my head in disbelief…

"I'm really fired Ang?" I asked defeat in my voice. What else could I do? I was just a salesperson who didn't know anyone of the management and their decisions were final "How am I going to pay rent?" I blurred out. It wasn't Angela's fault, but I couldn't help but to feel like she had taken a shit in a bag and gifted it to me. My morning started out so beautiful and now, in a couple of minutes it was fucked.

Where did they get pictures of me?

Wait… The pictures. Alice…

I remembered Alice with her picture taking skill when we left and I was about to lose it. But it was outside not inside, and it could have been anywhere. What had she done?

I was breathing heavy, my hands shaking as I gathered my stuff. I can't believe I was getting teary eyed, in front of Angela, so I tried to my best to keep my posture as I was leaving. I texted Jasper;

** I just got fired over attending sex parties. I'm coming over.**


	13. Chapter 13

As I was walking, I had calmed down a bit from being an emotional wreck and I was becoming more pissed off. I was a lot less teary when I was angry. It was easier to be angry than sad to be honest. I had too much running through my head wondering what I was going to do now.

When I walked in the apartment building, I saw Emmett first and beelined for the open apartment. I hoped to god that by some sick twist of fate Alice would be there helping Jasper move, so I could give her a piece of my mind. How else could have Angela known I'be seen to a sex party other than Alice? And I wasn't just imagining it, she took mine and Jaspers photo when we excited the café. Who else, if not her? She did yell that she was going to ruin me.

When Emmett noticed me, he smiled widely towards me, probably thinking I was here for a friendly visit. But when he saw my face as I was approaching, it fell and froze into this weird twisted face "Bella! What are you doing?" He sounded as if he was trying to calm me down already, but I was out for blood. Perhaps he was worried I was going to go off on Jasper, and he was trying to protect his buddy. Emmett was a good friend, but I didn't have the time to tell him that he didn't need to worry about Jasper.

"Got fired. Going to kill a bitch." I said as I walked past him, walking in the apartment of my ex-boyfriend and recent lover.

When I walked in the apartment I was looking around as if Alice lived there or she would pop out the corner and we would go at it. I was ready for it. God knew she deserved it. I wanted to claw some pretty eyes out, that was for sure. I was hurt and I was out for blood.

"Bella?"

I looked at Jasper, carrying out a box out of his room, looking confused "What's happening?" he asked, as he put the box down.

I closed my eyes biting my lip. I wished he would have checked his messages, so I didn't have to say this again "I just got laid off because there were pictures of me in a sex party. You were in them as well. I think it was Alice since she snapped a pretty little picture of us the other night. Is she here by any chance?" I looked around again.

"A sex party?" Jasper put down the boxes with his face twisted into something that resembled pain, twisting in surprise. I could see his jaw was clenching and unclenching as he was considering this. Jasper was obviously upset.

I covered my face with my hands "What the fuck do I do now?" I was trying to stay calm and not cry in front of him. The humiliation I was trying to burry with anger was seeping through my rough façade and I didn't want him to see.

"We will find out who did this… God Bella… I don't know what to say…" he truly sounded panicked and worried, as he came closer to me, putting his hands on my shoulders, trying to calm me down.

"Alice took the fucking picture!" I shouted in frustration, tears welling in my eyes "She is to blame at this! What the fuck am I going to do now?" It pained me that someone would try to humiliate me like that.

He shook his head, still holding me together as I was slowly unraveling from the stress "She showed the picture to Edward…" He said "And we were not seen inside, just outside of the café, together. That's it. Nothing that would say sex party to anyone. It had to be someone else... Something else."

Did I hear that right? Had my brain malfunctioned? "What? She showed the picture to Edward?"

It was his turn to cover his face with his hands, seeming tired "God. That's a whole thing as well. I'll tell you about it later?"

We talked with Emmett about it, when he came back in, and saw how upset I was. It pissed him off, his face getting beet red when we told him the story, that someone would violate mine and Jaspers privacy like that. Knowing what I knew about Rosalie's past, how she was introduced into the lifestyle, I couldn't help but to wonder how Emmett had reacted to the news, and if that influenced how Emmett responded to this. He promised to take care of it and my heart swelled for him. He was becoming a good friend. He definitely was a good friend for Jasper. It calmed me down a bit, to know that someone was out there looking out for me. It evened out the playing field a bit.

To take off my mind off of things and to actually get things done and do something I helped with the move. The good part of the day was that I got to see Jaspers new apartment, which was a little smaller than the one he shared with Edward, but still spacious for one person. The kitchen and the living room were the same size as his now previous apartment, but the difference was that in the place of two bedrooms there was one. And it was larger in size as well.

"Well now Bella, too bad there isn't going to be an extra bedroom for Jasper own made dungeon." Emmett smirked at me when I first saw the bedroom "But I think this bedroom will give Jasper some much needed bigger space." He wiggled his eyebrows like a villain.

The apartment itself was beautiful, but it missed some decor and some items that would make it Jaspers apartment to a home. I was sure it would feel like his home soon enough. I couldn't wait to see what Jaspers place would look like. Would it be like his bedroom? Clean but messy in the most important parts? Would it be clean and sophisticated like Emmett's and Rosalie's? Or would it be something else?

But what really made me happy was that I saw Emmett and Jasper bring up the bed I loved so much. Jasper didn't have a lot of furniture, just some things he owned. Everything from his room, and a couple other decorative things basically. The kitchen and the bathroom in the new apartment was fully furnished, so he didn't have to worry about that.

We finished moving Jaspers stuff and there was still no Edward in sight – nothing. I was kind of relieved that he hadn't showed up. It must've been awkward as hell for Jasper to deal with him, and for Edward especially knowing him. If I wasn't sure Edward knew about us before then now I was hundred percent sure of that. Alice made it possible. Jasper didn't wait for him as well, he just locked the door and put the key in the mailbox, leaving the old place behind, but just by a couple of steps.

Jasper wanted to order us some pizza, saying that it was tradition when a person moved into a new place, they had to eat pizza out of the box on the floor. Emmett left anyway, saying he had Rosalie to devour and I believed him. I on the other hand did not decline since I had more questions than answers, not to mention I just wanted to spend time with him.

"What was it with Edward?" I asked as soon as Emmett left, sitting on the floor of his new living room, that didn't have anything better to sit on even if I wanted to. At least Jasper had placed a couple of pillows.

He was opening up a bottle of wine "Well…" he stayed silent as he poured us both glasses "When I came back from your work, he was sitting in the kitchen, waiting for me." Jasper made a face "He showed me the picture and asked me, and I quote 'What the fuck do you think you're doing with her?'" He rolled his eyes.

"So, he didn't know before?" I asked, a little surprised.

He shook his head "He did. Ish. He didn't believe it or didn't want to believe it. After the picture Alice had showed him, he was pissed off. To say the least." He gave me my wine glass and I took it happily.

"Why hadn't you told me?" I asked him, wondering why he had kept this all to himself. There must have been more to the story of him and Edward that I didn't know.

"I didn't want to upset you…" He came closer and touched my cheek with his hands "I remember how upset you were with him. Before us. Almost always… How unhappy you looked. I hoped to spear you some of the things you couldn't control any way." He sat down next to me.

Of course, I would crush hard on Jasper when he talked like this. It was impossible not to. I swallowed hard before answering him, trying to lighten the mood "I hope I look happier these days."

He smiled "I would like to think you do. Not today perhaps." I believed him. Today was an exception, that I would hope would resolve itself somehow. I didn't want to think about that I had lost my job and I even hated to think about how I came to lose it. I would find another job though. Jasper was sweet though.

I bit my lip "Maybe you can help with that?" I said referring to him saying that I didn't look as happy today as other days.

I'm not going to lie, watching him move those heavy things, sweating – just being an alpha male in the most simple ways, made me hot for him. And knowing that he cared about me about, that he thought of me even in the slightest, nicest ways, made me want to do wicked things to this man.

The soft look quickly changed into something more seductive and primal "And how could I do that?" He got up, from his position on the floor, standing up, leaving me sitting on the floor. My neck strained when I looked up at him.

I couldn't miss the chance as I licked my lips, and scooted closer to him, getting up on my knees "I can show you, what would make me happy, if you want." I touched his legs with my hands, slowly dragging them up, toward his zipper.

He smiled, looking down at me "Hmm…. Yes. A visual clue would be handy. Since, I definitely have no idea what you're going on about."

I unzipped him, taking his cock out that I already felt hardening in my palms. I slowly moved my hand up and down his length before putting my mouth on him. I heard him moan and I couldn't help but to moan back. The pleasure I caused him – me, was so erotic and pure heaven I couldn't help but to respond to it.

As I put my mouth around him and his hands twisted in my hair "Mmm…. Just like that, show me."

He didn't push me down or show me how he wanted me to suck him off, but he let me do what I wanted. I went slowly, hollowing my cheeks, enjoying the feel of him hardening in my mouth. I loved the feel of him in my mouth on any day of the week, something I never knew I would enjoy as much. And I loved that I made him feel like this. It gave me a confidence boost like no other.

I was starting to move faster, sucking him harder and moving my hands rougher over him, as he was dirty talking me through it. I loved when he talked and was vocal. I never had a lover who spoke his mind in such a dirty way. Then again, I've never had a partner like Jasper. Period.

"You're such a good girl, god." He moaned and that only urged me on.

He touched my jaw, stopping me. I looked up at him questioningly, wondering why he had stopped me.

"Get on your back, baby girl." He said softly.

I didn't have to think about what I was doing, as I laid on the back on the floor. I more than trusted Jasper with me.

He pulled off my jeans and spread my legs wide apart. It was so intimate and so kinky, I was surprised at myself how much I loved it. It seemed more kinky because of how seemingly kinky something ordinary that would have been if it wasn't Jasper. He looked at my sex, that I was sure was glistening from my excitement from having him in my mouth earlier.

He leaned in, closer, his mouth almost touching me he said "You're always so ready for me. It's like, you're made for me." He leaned down and got to work, licking me and sucking on my clit. The pleasure that shoot through me was breathless, and I couldn't help but to whimper at the sudden delicious feeling of his tongue on me. It was everything I'd ever wanted.

"Do you like it Bella? Am I making you happy now?" he kept on licking me, as he spoke "Is this what you wanted? You taste so fucking phenomenal, baby." I arched my back as I felt the tingly feeling spread through me. He was speaking so softly towards me, a way he never had before. It was still erotic, it was just more intimate.

I was so close when he stopped, I actually felt like crying when he didn't let me cum. Even now when we were soft with each other he showed his dominant side with me, and I just couldn't help but to enjoy it every single time.

But I was happy that the reason for him to stop was because he wanted to enter me, connecting us in one. He was slow at first, letting me adjust to his length and girth, before pushing in harder. I was biting my lip for the hundredth time today, almost breaking it, at the feel of him inside.

I grabbed a hold of his shoulders, as he was slowly but surely fucking me, going rougher and rougher. His new empty apartment was echoing the sounds of skin slapping against one another, our moans and grunts.

"You're so fucking perfect." He was panting, our foreheads touching.

Jasper and I had been intimate in a lot of ways, but never like this. Never something even close to the intimacy I was feeling now, the vulnerability I experienced next to it. I could see it in his eyes as well. Something had changed and shifted between us, something was there and as I was coming closer to the edge, I realized what it was. I understood what had happened.

I had fallen in love with Jasper.


	14. Chapter 14

I woke up, slowly opening my eyes and peeking at Jasper. He was reading a book, not precisely aware that I was up. Or perhaps he was aware and was just too much into his book to say anything. I've been lost in a chapter of a book as well. I was still worried, nonetheless. The reason I was nervous, was that after yesterday's intimate moment, Jasper withdrew a little, but not much. I didn't think much of it then. He was still affectionate but just not that talkative, not that he usually was.

The more time I spend awake, looking at him, and the more time he seemed to ignore me, I grew more and more weary. I had this sense of dread in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't understand. Yesterday was so perfect waking up in this seemed like the complete opposite.

I was afraid to lose Jasper and perhaps he was already lost, since he wasn't even looking at me now. He was so perfect for me; I was so happy just to have a little piece of him in my life. If it was just going to be sex or if this was going to be the end for us, I'll make it last.

I scooted near him, cuddling up to him, putting my head in the crook of his neck, slowly kissing his neck.

"What are you doing?" Jasper asked in a monotone voice. Was he angry with me? Had I done something wrong?

I took my shirt off and went back to kissing him, trying not to panic about his reactions "I want you." My hands were all over his torso, pushing under his shirt, touching his warm skin all over. He was so warm I just wanted him in me. I wanted us close.

I kept talking since he didn't pull away and since he didn't tell me to stop I kept pushing "I want you to fuck me. I want to feel you inside of me." I slowly put my hand on his cock, that I was feeling was hardening as I slowly stroked him and kept talking "I just want you, Jasper. Please." I kept kissing his neck. He might act as if I didn't exist but I knew he wanted me. His penis was telling me the truth.

I was almost going to plead with him more but then he turned his face to me and I saw the 'Sir' on his face, and shut up right away "You want my cock?" Jasper asked as his hand was trying to push in my panties.

I nodded as his fingers pushed my panties aside and pushed a finger in me.

He was pumping his finger in and out "Your little cunt isn't ready yet, Bella. Do you want me to hurt you?"

I swallowed. Did I want him to hurt me? Never. But the pain he had inflicted on me, in one of our scenes were the one of the best feelings I've ever experienced. I didn't know how to answer so I just pleaded with him "Please…" He always knew better than I did, and I trusted him.

"Please what?" he asked with a hard face, and I felt him push another finger in "Do you think you're ready?" he kept asking me, not letting me off the hook.

I was afraid that if I said no, he would stop and not fuck me, and I needed the connection. I was afraid that I was going to lose him otherwise "Yes. I'm always ready for you."

He smiled this almost sadistic smile and I swear to god if I wasn't wet enough before then I was now. Jasper could go from the calm and collected guy to sir in just the blink of an eye. He was so beautiful, and he looked so dangerous when he looked at me like that. I didn't know what it was but I couldn't resist him ever, and I was definitely always ready for him.

He leaned down and kissed me roughly. I could feel that my lips would be bruised after him and I really didn't mind "Turn around." He said against my lips, and I was slightly shocked that he wanted to do it this that way.

I barely turned around, when he pushed me in his mattress, and pushed himself against me. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips as I felt his erection. His hands were rough against me and I loved every second of it. One of his hands were on my hips pushing my hips closer to his, digging in my hips, and the other one was in my hair, pushing me against the mattress "You like that? You like me like this? Is this what you wanted when you came on to me?" his hand that was on my hips was pushing my underwear off, just barely under my ass.

I squirmed a bit answering him, knowing he wasn't really expecting an answer "I fucking love it like that." I sounded so horny, that my voice was almost unrecognizable to myself. That's what he did to me.

I could feel him working with his underwear as he said "Same here darling."

I could feel him pushing in me and suddenly it was like everything in the world made sense and I was in heaven. He filled me like no one ever had.

"Oh god, Jasper." I moaned not being able to hold in how good he made me feel.

I could hear his moans with every thrust he made, pushing me deeper in the mattress. He pushed and pushed and pushed and right before I came, he came first and stopped. I blinked, surprised and wondering when he would star back up again. I knew he would play sometimes, not letting me come right away, but when he pushed off of me, a weird feeling spread through me.

I sat up, looking at him, as he got out of his bed.

"What?" I asked him, not even understanding truly what had happened. It was just a second ago we were enjoying each other.

He looked coolly back at me "Sorry. I finished before you…"

I shook my head shocked at him, disgusting feeling running through my body starting from my core "That's not an excuse. It never was a problem before. You know better." I gave him three whole answers to the dumb shit he was trying with me. What the hell was happening?

I got up from the bed, readjusting my panties, feeling used and uncomfortable, especially staying in his bed. What had happened to Jasper over the night? I thought that we had a moment… I definitely had a heartbreaking realization… Heartbreaking because of how he made me feel. I was in love with Jasper, and he was so cold now.

He didn't answer me, not even looking at me, going through one of his boxes. The action looked fake to be honest "Jasper… Why are you doing this to us?" I asked him, my voice trembling. I wondered why he was doing this to us.

"Us? Bella, we're just friends." He said coldly.

I immediately remembered how he was when I said it in front of Angela, not knowing how else to introduce him.

It hurt when he said this to me. A lot. It felt like it pierced through me. This kind of reminded me of Maria, his ex, who wanted a relationship out of him. I hadn't voiced that I might want that, I hadn't even really thought about, even ignoring my thoughts on the subject matter. I just had the full realization that I was in love with him.

"Aren't you my dominant, Jasper?" I said pissed off at him, looking for my clothes "Or are you going to throw your submissive out like trash?"

He didn't say anything, and I just turned to leave to get my jeans from the living room where I had left them the other night, so I could leave. In twenty-four hours I had lost a job and I was pretty sure Jasper and I had lost something as well.

But before I could leave Jaspers room I told him "Caius was the bad one?" I said since I wanted to hurt him. He had told me how horrible Caius was to his submissive's. I know it was a low blow, but I was used. I was comparing him to Caius and I didn't feel guilty about it. I felt like it was justified. When I came on to him I didn't expect this… Even if all I wanted was sex now, I don't believe I deserved this, since Jasper and I had made an agreement of dominant and submissive relationship. I didn't know if I would forgive him for that. Especially since I was already in a low period of my life, or entering one.

What Jasper did I didn't understand… Had something changed so much between us between yesterday and this morning that he didn't want me anymore? Was he angry at me? Why did he hurt me like this?

Tears spilled over my cheeks as I walked out of the apartment building, hoping I wouldn't run into Edward. That would be too awkward right now. I was crying as I walked out. Leaving his apartment, I felt like it was a step higher than the walk of shame. Especially since I did not know I would be making one today. Or ever, where Jasper was concerned.

God, I needed someone to talk to about this… I could call Rosalie, but I felt she would be on Jaspers side no matter what. And a good friend should be.

I never really had any friends, since I was an too much of an introvert, and I tendent to get lost in my partners. The closest person I thought was my friend, was my ex-boss Angela. We used to have good laughs and she seemed always nice enough. I needed to talk to her, maybe she knew more than she said.

I went home to relax for a bit and calm down enough. I decided that after I would clean myself up, I would go and see her. Maybe we could just talk, like friends, I believed we were friendly enough. Maybe I should have talked to her the day of, but the issue had gotten to me. I wasn't going to trust Jasper to get to the bottom of this. Or Emmett. Or anyone else for that matter. I had to get my life in order, not anyone else. I would do it myself.

I ended up dressed in comfortable jeans and a sweater, opting for a clean face, and a ponytail, for seeing Angela. I decided to go right before closing, hoping that Angela would be more free to talk. Maybe we would grab something to eat.

I spotted her, standing at the register, laughing at something a customer had said. She looked prettier than other times I had seen her. I didn't want to be mean, but she never really wore dresses so tight… And her make up never was done in such a sexual manner… Her hair, never done quite like that… What the hell was happening… Was it Angela?

I walked closer to the shop, not entering, just looking at Angela, making sure that it was her, not some new girl, who looked like Angela. But the closer I got, the more I could see. It was her! It was Angela, I was sure about that, when I had come closer, trying to stay in the shadows still. She could put all the makeup she wanted, doll herself up but I would still see her.

She was talking to the customer still and because I could come closer, I could see that the person wasn't buying anything. I understood that it must have been a friend of Angela's. I came even closer, trying not to get noticed when I thought that her friend looked familiar.

The friend was dressed in a loose-fitting sun dress and an oversized jean jacket, the dark hair going in waves over her back. I didn't have to wonder who it was since she turned to look at something, and I saw Maria. I stumbled back, a couple of steps, almost falling on my ass. I hadn't seen her in the daylight, but that was her, undoubtedly.

I was walking back slowly, trying to understand what was happening, or what this meant. It came together, like the last puzzle piece, when I saw Angela lean in and Maria kissed her. I thought I would get sick. It couldn't be… Angela wasn't like that… Then again, Jasper was never this mean to me as he was this morning. There was a lot to learn for me about people's behavior and personalities.

I turned on my heel and started to run in a different direction.

It couldn't be it, could it?

I stopped suddenly, thinking about how I got fired. Angela had just come in that day and told me that that was it. Suddenly. With no warning.… No papers… No management calling in… I was being set up. They didn't know shit. Not that they would, if they knew.

I pulled out my phone and looked up the phone number for human resources. It was too late to call now but I had the number and I was going to fight, in the most non-threatening ways possible. They wanted to ruin me and fuck with me.

It gave me an idea and I couldn't resist it, in hopes that I could pick up my life before it falls apart. I didn't even want to think about what was happening to Jasper. I couldn't. I had to put myself back together and I would.

I ended up in front of the café. This place was the reason I had lost my job and the reason why I loved Jasper. So good and so bad had come from this place, that it owned me to make it better. This was a place that wouldn't lay me off for a sex party, since it was the place that housed them. This place would become something more to me and I would make sure of that.


	15. Chapter 15

I woke up quite early and the first thing I did was call human resources. I told them the full story, that my manager had told me that I was fired, and I was wondering where were the papers, acting up a little, as if I didn't know anything. They were surprised, to say the least, since they told me I was put on to a promotion a couple of times, which shocked me. I was surprised as well, since I had never gotten the news, and they told me my manager, Angela, had told them that I had declined. They were hell ova pissed off and they ended up scheduling a meeting with me at the end of the week.

I didn't know what would happen to Angela, but since I blocked her number right after I had the call with management, I would never know.

I was staring at my phone wondering if I should call him or say anything… No! I left him how I wanted, and I was happy about that. Kind of. I wished he would reach out though.

I couldn't help but to wonder how he had broken things up with Maria. What was the story there…? I hadn't voiced anything to him about my ever-growing feelings, and he was so cruel towards me, I had a shiver going through me just imagining what had happened there. I don't believe it was a good break since she and Angela were a thing, and obviously wanted me out. There was a compliment in there somewhere, but I didn't care much for it, since they had hurt me. And I was done with being hurt.

I wanted to tell Angela that Maria wasn't serious with her, at least I think she wasn't. Since the last time I saw Maria she was coming off on Jasper. I was going to have to talk to her that was sure. I wasn't going to warn Angela though. She had made her own bed with this thing and she was going to lay in it.

I ended up sleeping for the rest of the day, feeling so alone and tired. I didn't feel guilty about it since I didn't have to go anywhere for the rest of the day.

The next day I had a realization that Jasper wouldn't call me. And I slept for the rest of the day again, after doing some of my university work. I would be done soon, and I was excited about it, but it was hard to do something else than wallow in my self-pity.

The day after that, I realized that I still loved Jasper, and the feeling wasn't going anywhere. He probably knew it; he could feel it I was sure of it and that's why he acted like that. He didn't want a relationship and I had to respect that even if he hadn't respected me. For both of those reasons I would leave him alone. I had done the running after gig and I was tired of it. I was tired of running. And all that tiredness was making me sleepy, so I was sleeping nonstop because of it.

It was day number 4 of me being Jasper free and I was suddenly sleepless. I had slept all that I could sleep, but it was alright. I had places to be anyway. I was still tired though, that hadn't changed.

Looking in the mirror I wasn't happy with what I saw and knew that I would have to work on my looks today. In just a few days I had dropped some weight and it didn't look too good, since I started to look more malnourished… The dark bags under my eyes were the main thing though, that would show something was off. And the greasy hair… Shit – I had let myself go and it was only just a couple of days.

I went to work on myself, and after the shower I looked better. I had scrubbed, shaved, and buttered myself up. I looked better and for a second, I felt better. It helped to eat something real as well. Concealer did the trick though. After some mascara, foundation, and lipstick I looked good even if I didn't feel as good. And I looked damned good if I did have to say so myself. I actually ended up doing something with my hair and wearing a beautiful, tight pleaded skirt, complimented with a tight black shirt.

To look more professional, I put on a blazer, since I was going to meet the head of HR and see how we could work out this miscommunication. It wasn't one, obviously, but I would entertain their thoughts for a minute on that subject.

I met up with Sue Clearwater, a woman, dressed in a smart, green pantsuit. Her hair was so shiny that I was happy that I washed myself up before meeting her. She came in the city, since the HR department wasn't located here, and they sent the director to talk to me. I knew not to back down since they understood as well, sending the one in charge, that this was serious business.

I shook her hand and after exchanging pleasantries we went down to business. Well, I definitely did.

"You know, I know for a fact that Angela has done this on purpose." I said "She is being manipulated by my… friends ex lover, who believes we are together and is acting in a jealous way. And even if I think that's despicable, I don't believe that's an excuse and she should be fired."

Sue Clearwater was nodding her head, listening to me talk. I tried to match my tone to the calm she was portraying.

"I would like to assure you that that has been taken care of. The reason behind her actions do not excuse her." She shook her head "We do not, by any standard, support that type of action, and we are so sorry that something like that happened. Angel won't be returning."

I nodded, happy that it went smoothly "Good. I had another question… What happens with my job?"

She smiled, leaning forward "Well, we want to offer you the management position."

When I didn't say anything, her smile altered a little "You can have a little time to think about it, if you want you can keep the position you were in as well."

"How about a position in the office?"

She looked surprised but entertained the idea "What do you have in mind?"

"I'm finishing up my master's in literature. I did a thesis on publishing, and I would love nothing more than a chance in a field of something like that."

She pursed her lips, nodding slowly "I think we can manage something… How about I give you a call next week and we'll circle beck?"

I didn't know if I was getting the job or not, but it felt good to stand up for myself and what I wanted. I wanted to grow and develop, and no one was going to keep me back.

After the meeting, I was feeling pretty damn good. Sue Clearwater seemed like a good person and I trusted that she would call me back. I was just slightly nervous that I wouldn't get the job, but at least it gave me something to look forward to.

When I saw the time, I was happy to note that I was going to be earlier with my second meeting of the day. Well… not much of a meeting, more like just a hang out. I walked up to the café and I was suddenly sad, not so triumphant as a moment ago. I remembered Jasper again and I thought that physically I could feel my heart breaking. I swallowed the hard feelings and went inside.

Walking in I had thought that I would be early, but then I noticed Jane, and realized that she wanted to be here early as well. I smiled at my new acquaintance.

"Hey, I smiled towards her." She stood up as she saw me, and I noticed that she looked better as well. Then again after my miniature make over this morning, I knew how deceiving looks could be. She was wearing some mom jeans and a comfortable looking band t-shirt, with her hair down. She looked relaxed and comfortable seeing me and that made me a tiny bit happier.

"You look good." I complimented her.

She smiled "Back at you. Should I have dressed more business appropriately?" she pointed to my blazer

I shook my head "This was for something else." I went to go get myself a drink before I joined her. It might have been a little early, but I needed one. I wanted to look at the corner where Jasper and I sat, after he had marked me as his submissive.

"So, how have you been?" I asked her, when I sat down next to her.

When I went to the café, after seeing Angela and Marie knowing I couldn't do anything, I went to see Jane, hoping that she would be working. And she did. I told her the story of what was happening, and she contacted Caius for me. The next time there would be a get together Maria would be having a surprise as big as I had.

And so, I got to talking with her, getting to know her a little. Jane was also the only other person I knew who was getting burned from this type of a relationship and going back to them. There must've been a bond or something. At first, I was just wondering how was she dealing with those types of things. When I mentioned my concerns about this, she told me I didn't know what I was talking about. I ended up letting her in first, telling her about the last time Jasper and I had.

"I'm alright." She shrugged "How about you? Jasper call yet?" She thought that he would call me as soon as possible. Obviously he didn't.

I pursed my lips, drinking the gin and tonic "No… I doubt that he will."

She half smiled at me as if she knew something I didn't "He's just scared Bella. I'm not excusing him, but it's so obvious that…" She didn't get to finish her sentence, as it trailed off, when she watched someone walk in behind me.

I didn't want to turn, since I was afraid that it might be Jasper… or Maria… Or perhaps Rosalie or Emmett. I stayed still, watching Jane "How do you like your drink?" I asked her to bring her back.

She looked back at me, breathing in, looking at her tea "It's good!" she took a sip.

We stayed quiet as Jane tried not to look at who it was. I couldn't help myself any longer, and I had to ask, "Who is it Jane?"

She smiled and bit her lip "It's umm… It's Demetri… He umm…. He's one of the doms. I've been exchanging messaged with him." I didn't know a Demetri, so I relaxed.

"You should go ask him for a drink." I suggested as I downed my drink. I didn't want to talk about Jasper and what can of worms were possibly inside him "I'll go home early."

Jane shook her head "Wait." She stopped me by putting her hand on my hand "Demetri is friendly with Jasper. If you want, I can ask him to-"

"Oh god no." I muttered "Thank you but no. Please don't say anything." I gave her a quick hug and turned to leave, trying not to look at this Demetri person. It was a little petty, but I just wanted to keep away from Jasper as much as possible, meaning, I didn't want to see his friends or anything.

The rest of the week was tough to say the least. But it ended up making me feel like I had toughened up and taken control that I had seemingly lost. I didn't want to be a cynic, but I couldn't help to feel like I couldn't trust anyone anymore.

Since I was waiting for Monday morning to come around for Sue Clearwater's call, I was left alone to my thoughts. I was trying not to think about him but it was just happening.

I remember Rosalie saying that Jasper wasn't as calm as when he had a sub and I was wondering had he gotten a new one? Was he looking for one? Perhaps that was the reason why Jasper wasn't bothered to speak to me… Since Jasper wanted only the dom-sub relationship, I couldn't tell him that that was all I wanted. Things had changed for me. And perhaps since I couldn't have him in a way I liked, there was no reason to have him in my life – a clean break. It was a painful realization, but it didn't matter since he didn't want a relationship. He showed me that much.

I was about to fall asleep when my doorbell rang.

I was weary, since not a lot of people knew I lied here. When I came to the door, and asked whoo it was, I heard a beautiful voice, I didn't expect to hear again.

"It's Rosalie. And you better let me."


	16. Chapter 16

I was reluctant to let Rosalie in, but I knew she was uncomfortable and perhaps a little scared, since it was late, and she was in a neighborhood that wasn't hers. She rang the doorbell again and I rolled my eyes, letting her in. She was annoying right now, but I had to give it to her – she was persistent.

Truthfully, I wasn't angry with Rosalie, I just wanted to keep away from Jasper as much as I could. That included his friends, which Rose definitely was.

When she walked in, she looked like she wanted to say something sassy, but instead she just looked at me for a second and slowly her face changed, from pisssed off to almost sad "Bella… It's nice to see you."

I nodded "Come in." I didn't know what this was going to be about, but I guess I was going to hear her out anyway "You want some tea or something?"

"How about something with a higher percentage?"

I led her to my small kitchen and opened a bottle of cheap red wine I had lying around. I poured us both a glass of wine and by the looks of it, we both needed it.

"So, Rosalie," I gave her the glass and took a big gulp of mine "What's up?" I felt like I already knew what was going to be the subject matter of this conversation.

She took a gulp as well, looking really sad "How are you doing Bella?"

"I'm good, how about you?" I answered since this was just an introduction.

She shook her head, staring into her glass "You know, you and Jasper are really bad liars. Both of you fucking suck, it's amazing."

I didn't answer anything and after a deep breath she kept going "You know, it's not my story to tell."

When she kept up her silence, I grew irritated and couldn't help but to raise my voice at her, letting my pent-up aggression out "Then why are you here?" I asked her rudely "I didn't ask you anything."

She looked up at me "I know! But I'm not going to let my best friend lose the one person he loves just because he is a stupid piece of shit!" she raised her voice as well.

"I don't understand." I shook my head.

"What happened between Jasper and you?" she asked suddenly.

I got a little uncomfortable "Did he tell you?"

Her face twisted in disgust "He told me that he didn't want a relationship and freaked out on me. I know he's lying. I can always tell… But you tell me what happened… Please. I know Jasper good enough to know that he can sabotage himself."

I finished my glass in two big gulps "He fucked me. I didn't cum. Then he ignored me and called us friends. It's more disgusting than it sounds." I recapped her in a second or two. I didn't want to dwell on the uncomfortable and fucked up exchange between Jasper and I.

"Jesus Christ." She looked as if she was going to be sick, her face twisting in disgust "I'm so sorry Bella."

I wondered why she was here. It was pretty late to come over to your friend's lovers house. Obviously, she wanted to help her friend, but then why was she here? I was leaving him alone, not bothering him in any way. How could I help…

"It's not your fault Rosalie." I refilled our glasses and sat down as well "It's nobody's fault but his."

"I understand that you wouldn't want him anymore but-"

"I want him…" I stopped her before she could say anything more "I want him to make it okay, I just don't think it will happen. I won't go back just like that." I finished my freshly poured glass, since I wanted to tell Rosalie what I was feeling, just as much as I wanted her to leave me alone "Rosalie… I love him… The previous night, the night Jasper moved, and Emmett and I helped…" Rosalie looked almost worried by what I was saying "Emmett left and so Jasper and I got intimate… It was such a soft moment Rosalie." I closed my eyes reliving the beautiful moment of that evening "It felt like we were making love… I didn't say anything about my feelings to him. Never… Neither did he, but… I could feel it, I swear."

Rosalie looked at me as if she were sorry for me "You love him."

I didn't have to say anything, and she continued "He loves you too."

I shook my head, not being able to hear those words again, not from her "Don't. I can't bear it. I much rather not think about that since I can't have him."

"But you can!" She pleaded with me "Jasper may seem calm and as if he knows his shit… But he has his own issues… Demons."

"How did the things end up with Maria?" I asked. It was bugging me beyond imagination. I feel like it would explain something. Rosalie said she didn't care for Maria. I doubt that she came over to Marias when they were over.

She leaned back, breathing in "Jasper met Maria in the café… They hit it off in terms of kinks, but personality vise speaking, there wasn't lot of it. They never spend time outside of fucking. It was only physical. They didn't spend any time outside, and when I say that, I mean it… She never met me or Emmett as well, except the café of course."

"What happened?"

"After one of the sessions, Maria said that she wanted to be more. Jasper gave the after treatment since he thought that it was just the subspace talking, and after realizing that she was serious, he declined. Then Jasper explained to her that he couldn't go any further. They met on more than one occasion just to talk things over, but Maria later said those were dates. Maria needed closure – Jasper gave one. Closure not dates though. Then another, then the third and so on."

"How do you know that that happened? Maybe Jasper didn't tell you the whole thing?" I asked her, interrupting her. It hurt me to think that way about Jasper, but I couldn't help it.

"Maria talked to me as well." She nodded "She wouldn't understand how Jasper didn't like her. She thought that we were fucking and confronted me." Rosalie laughed a little "Maria made a scene in the café. She humiliated Jasper, saying that he was abusing her with cheating. With me." She shook her head pursing her lips "Emmett was so fucking pissed off at her. More so than Jasper I think. But it did result in Jasper cutting her off."

I leaned back sipping the last bit of my wine. Should I open another one? I was feeling slightly tipsy already to be honest.

"Alright, so he feels like a relationship would humiliate him?" I asked her, finally.

She finished the last of her wine as well "Did Jasper ever tell you anything about his family? Something?"

I nodded, remembering a time when I was still with Edward "Yeah… His dad died when he was young, and he grew up with his mum… What I understood of it, she was a good mother."

"She was. Is." Rosalie smiled "But he never told you about before? The memories he has of his father?"

I shook my head "He once said some of them were pleasant, some weren't making any sense…"

She closed her eyes "The reason they don't make any sense is that he had a fucked up relationship with him… I hate to even mention this, since it's not my story to tell, but I hope it will help." She turned to look at me "The thing is that Jasper doesn't believe he can be loved. Since he never loved anyone, he didn't face a problem… Turning people down was easy. He was always nice and polite, and the women still went after him because of it… Maria for one… But…" She shook her heads "I've never seen him like this."

I covered my face with my hands. I briefly wondered what had Rosalie seen of Jasper to say that. I didn't ask her. There was a lot to take in. Rosalie believed that he loved me but there were issues with him. I know that even if a person is a dominant, he can face issues, that's obvious; the strong can't always be strong. I just didn't understand why he wouldn't communicate with me. I don't believe that was an excuse big enough to make me feel like that. I made a promise to myself not to run anymore, and I wasn't even going to run… Including running back to him.

Rosalie stood up "I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch Bella… I truly am. Emmett told me about how you lost your job… We'll get to the bottom of it…"

I stood up as well, slowly walking Rosalie back to the door "I actually took care of the problem… I have my job, so it's alright… I know who it was. Everything's fine, no need to worry about me." Rosalie looked shocked and before she could ask who it was I answered "Umm… It was Maria and Angela – my manager. Well… my previous manager." I smiled at her surprised face.

Before Rosalie could leave or say something about the situation, I asked her, something I've been thinking about and struggling with "I just keep looking at these BDSM relationships, and I see everyone getting burned one way or another… Does it always happen? Will it keep happening?" I asked Rosalie.

Rosalie shook her head, looking pensive "It happens in every relationship. BDSM relationships just have a magnifying glass on any type of abuse if it happens… Any type of wrongdoing… Rape and abuse happen more often in regular relationships, but no one takes note of that as often." She smiled "Take and learn from those relationships that don't work and take the best bits from the ones that work. I'm still with Emmett. And I love him like no one's business and I know he loves me too. It can work out."

"If both people want it to."

I let Rosalie out and went to sleep in a tipsy state. I didn't appreciate my spinning head and the intrusive Jasper thoughts as I tried to catch some Zzz's but I couldn't do much about it. And I couldn't do much about not being able to fall asleep for most of the night. Damned Rosalie…

It felt like I had just fallen asleep when I was woken up by a phone call. Checking my phone I noticed that it was almost ten am and it was the call I wanted but not waited.

"Good morning." I answered

"Good morning Bella, how are you?" Sue Clearwater greeted me.

I wanted to laugh at her question. I had no idea how I was "I've been good." I lied "How about you?"

"I've been great, thank you. To circle back to our conversation. As of right now, we can offer you the management position, but when you graduate your masters, we will have a call back. This isn't a no; I have to tell you. To be quite frank with you, we need to know that you can do the management position. We also would need for you to have the education, so take this time, to finish things up, do your job good, and soon enough you will have the position you want."

We agreed to meet up tomorrow at the library bookstore so I could sign the papers and do everything. It was good that she offered to meet up tomorrow since I didn't want to get out of bed, feeling a bit ill. I didn't know if it was because of the wine, or because I hadn't slept for most of the night. Deep down I knew it was the things Rosalie had said. I couldn't stop thinking about Jasper... Did he love me? How was he coping? Mostly, I wondered why he sabotaged us. I wonder what was going through him… I wanted to talk to him, ask him to make things alright, but I knew he had to come back to me, on his own. If he didn't do that, if I would invite him back or go after him, I knew we wouldn't last any longer than we did and it would just be a recipe for disaster. I was going to move my life forward with or without him, but my heart was empty without him, and I was left feeling vacant without him. I hoped that he would come back to me soon.


	17. Chapter 17

**JASPERS POV**

_Week ago_

She looked so hurt, I couldn't look at Bella, knowing that I was at fault for that pain on her face.

She was standing up now, ready to leave me when she said, "Caius was the bad one?"

I winced at what she said and to be honest, I was much worse than Caius was. He didn't care for the girls he used… And I knew I loved Bella Swan. I was much worse than him. I had hurt someone I loved on purpose.

Just as I heard the door close behind my apartment, I couldn't hold it in much longer and I ran to the bathroom, vomiting, not able to swallow the bile that I had in my stomach. I tried to ignore her, I needed time to think. But she had wanted me, and I always wanted her. And I couldn't do that to us…

I could see it in her eyes. I knew this had to end.

Even if I wanted to, I could never come back to what I'd done.

She wanted me to fuck her, and I gave it to her… And then I took it away. I had to stop before she would cum or else, I couldn't walk away. Knowing that I made her feel that way wouldn't make me be able to walk away. I couldn't believe I had to fake that I came. I just had to get off of her… I couldn't do it.

I knew that I hurt her. That made my stomach turn again and I gagged.

God! Why the fuck didn't I just talk to her before. I could have just said something.

I shook my head, that was resting against the cold tile of the bathroom wall. I didn't believe love could exist. Rosalie and Emmett tried to prove me wrong every time I saw them. But it was them, they were capable of it… I didn't think I was. I would do anything for that girl… That's why she had to go.

To experience love is something I never even dreamed of. It feels sweet and painful, and confusing and a whole lot of other junk. And truth be told, I didn't deserve it. I don't remember the last time something had caused such a panic in me… The memory was there but I didn't let my mind go there. My mother and my father… The people that made me… I just couldn't go there.

I couldn't eat anything for the rest of the day, and I ended up calling sick in work, telling them I had a stomach bug. I didn't feel like I was lying since I did feel ill. I just needed a day. A day and that was it. I would go back to work; I would get myself together. I would call Bella tomorrow and explain… No… Wait... No, I should. I should call Bella. I should tell her that I'm not good enough for her and I need to explain myself. I need to say something to her. Wait no… No.

A splitting headache was coming, and before I could make myself sick again, I moved to my bed and I did. My sheets still smelled like Bella and I couldn't help but to snuggle up to the pillow that she had been sleeping on.

When I woke up it was the middle of the night, I didn't feel much better. In fact, I felt worse. A lot worse. I sat up and took it all in, I could feel my body burning, while I was freezing cold, sweating all over, my hair slightly damp. I wanted to kick myself. What type of idiot got sick just because? I knew it was psychosomatics; when your body physically responds to the stress you experience psychologically. And the reason why I felt stupid was because I knew all about it and it help me from getting sick and experiencing it.

I went back to sleep but as soon as my alarm went off, I couldn't get up if my life depended on it. I hated that I had to miss another day, but I couldn't do my job while feeling like this.

I knew Peter, my colleague, the one I was doing research with together, would be awake. I called him, hoping I didn't

"Hey man." He answered, "Don't tell me what I think you will say." He sounded a tad bit worried.

"I'm sorry, Peter… I don't know what or why this is happening." I lied.

"What's happening?" he asked "Like, what are the symptoms? Can I help somehow?"

I hated to admit to him that I was weak enough to get sick let alone why "I'm just going to sleep it off, Pete. It's just a fever, it'll go away soon enough."

"Alright. I can cover for you today, put some guys to work as well. Let's see if it lasts for today, or if you'll need more time okay buddy?"

Peter was always so nice to me, I felt even more like shit, feeling as if I've let him down as well.

"Sure, thanks, Peter. I'll give you heads up."

I fell asleep shivering, the trembles rocking through my body as I slipped into, what I had hoped to be a dreamless sleep, but I was wrong. I had a dream about my childhood. I was having them more and more lately. I dreamed about my mom, taking me to school. She was working in the mornings, meaning I always was early for school. My mother was beautiful and smart, and she shared it with us but not with anyone else. Not with anyone. In my dream I asked her why, but before she could answer, it was Bella's face staring back at me.

I wanted to say something to her, but the ringing woke me up.

It was Peter and I had to explain it to him, that I was still sick. He sounded worried, but I just wanted to go back to sleep. I wanted to see Bella. I reminded myself that I could just call her but the reality was that I had ruined us. But in my dream, it was just Bella.

So, I went back to sleep, so I could see her there. And perhaps I shouldn't have done that since I didn't see Bella. I saw the opposite of her… I saw my dad. Well… I heard him more than I saw him… He was arguing with my mom and I couldn't do anything. I was helpless… Hopeless. I knew this memory.

I woke up and it was the middle of the night.

God.

Since Bella left, I didn't remember the daytime. I was in darkness.

My stomach hurt and I realized I hadn't eaten in… I don't even know how many hours, or days. I slowly stood up and walked to get something out of the fridge.

Shit.

I had nothing.

I looked around my empty apartment and remembered that I had moved. When I moved, my intentions were never to live alone, it was more to live without Edward. Living with Bella's ex was just so awkward and stupid. He didn't know in the beginning. I, personally, didn't care to tell him that Bella and I were together since Edward and I never were friendly. Together… ish. Hanging out? Fuck…

When Edward found out, after Alice showed him a picture of Bella and I, he was beating on my door, yelling like crazy. I knew I shouldn't have let him in and should have just ignored him but a part of me wanted to fight him back and prove in a stupid way that Bella was important to me too. More important than to Edward. Edward just wanted an arm candy, not investing in that person emotionally, I could always see that. But I ended up pushing him out of my room, telling him to calm down. He barely did and we just exchanged 'pleasantries'.

Previously Edward didn't believe it., when Alice told him that we were fucking each other, not that she saw or knew anything. I think he just didn't want to believe it, but he knew. He for sure knew since he was acting rude as hell towards me before as well, in some petty ways. Nothing compared to him losing his shit, punching my door, and wanting to fight, so I didn't care.

I did give him a head up then, before things got heated, since I had to get out sooner or later. I lived with Edward because it was easy – we never got in each other's ways and we didn't care much for one another, respecting each other spaces was perfect. But I grew tired of not having my own space and I needed to leave. Since I had a better paying job I could finally do it. Now I just had a reason to look for one.

The last thing Edward told me was "I seriously can't wait until you move out. This is a fucking nightmare." I wondered if I should send him a fruit basket. Should I tell him _sorry I fucked Bella_? Or _thank you for introducing me to Bella_?

I shook my head and ordered take out.

I should get to decorating soon… Or buying furniture first.

I woke up, still feeling shitty, my body hurting. I knew Peter wasn't expecting me, but I still tried to work a little and send him the work. I was angry at myself even more since people dependent on me in my job to come in and work. People who needed physiotherapist weren't joking around when they came in. I had to work this weekend, but Peter helped me out. And he was helping me out today as well. The fourth day I was completely out. I tried though. I would get a lot of variety of patients that needed help and I was out, the least I could do was the research paper. The research Peter and I were doing was about how early physical rehabilitation could reduce a number of developing problems. It was important to me and it was going to be important to a whole number of people. And now, I was out. Because I got sick… Out of the blue.

Well… Not out of the blue, I tried to tell myself again.

I should call Bella.

But it has been so long… The longer I waited the worse I made it and I knew. I just wished she was here.

It got worse for the rest of the day. My fever went back up and I ended up ignoring my calls from Emmett and Rosalie. I did check them for if it was Bella, but it wasn't her, so I didn't care enough, I just went to sleep.

I was back as a kid.

I had no idea how long I had been sleeping, but the doorbell got me up. I could hope it was Bella, but it wouldn't be. I already knew that.

I opened the door to Rosalie. I didn't invite her in, but I didn't need to know. Rose was always welcomed in my home. Even now, I appreciated her, while I wanted to stay alone.

"Well it's good to see that you're not dead. For fucks sake Jasper. Where have you been?" Rose said worriedly.

"I'm sick." I opened my arms to her, showing her myself "I was sleeping, sorry."

"Obviously, you're not sick enough to answer the door, meaning you should have called or picked up." She breathed in, calming down for a bit "Fuck. I could've brought you some chicken soup. I was really worried, Jasper… Emmett told me about what happened to Bella, and my mind ran wild." She looked at me, really noting in how shitty I looked "Jeez, you really do look sick."

I palmed my face, a headache coming on again, remembering that Bella lost her job because of me… Because I dragged her there. I would fucking kill who ever would hurt her like that "We'll get to the bottom of it." I promised Rosalie "I just need to get…"

Rose squinted at me "By the way, where is Bella? Shouldn't she be here, since you're almost a walking corpse?"

I closed my eyes "What do you mean?"

"I'm guessing you've been answering her or telling her that you're sick or something… Or have you been ignoring her as well?"

Rosalie was too smart for her own good. I loved her like a sister, but I didn't want her to grill me. I knew it was coming though. I definitely deserved it.

I took a big breath since I will have to tell her and others "Bella and I are no longer."

She shook her head "What do you mean?"

"I fucked up Rosalie…"

"Jasper… Why do you say so…? What did you do?" She was getting riled up.

I was silent and Rosalie kept going on "Jasper… What the fuck did you do?" She started to raise her voice; her suspicions correct about me "Jasper! What the fuck! Tell me! What did you do!"

I closed my eyes "Rose… I can't do this to her."

"Oh, for fucks sakes Jasper, this can't be about that?" Since Rosalie was my friend, a good friend, I've told her my fears and worries, including what I think and fear about love. She knew what I thought about love and she had lived through a couple of girls who wanted to change me. But Bella, she didn't want to change me, she loved me for who I was… And that was changing me. I didn't expect change…

It was stressing me out to say the least.

I didn't mean to yell at Rosalie, I really didn't "I don't want a fucking relationship! Fuck!" I breathed in and out calming myself "I love her Rosalie. Goddamit." I covered my face "I fucked it up, I fucked it up so bad, Rose."

My head was spinning "I have to... I have to sit down." I told her and moved to my bedroom.

I sat down and Rosalie quietly followed me. She didn't say anything to me, and even if I knew that it was a telling sign of itself, I didn't want to dwell on it, and think about it.

"Have you eaten something?" she asked me after a while.

"I ordered take out… Yesterday."

"Jasper… You can't do that. You have to get yourself together." She touched my arm "Listen, Emmett will bring you breakfast, and you will get back. If you love her, do something about it. But don't sit around and kill yourself over a thing you can't change now."

I looked up at her "She is never going to want me, after what I did."

She squeezed my hand, and looked pensive for a second as she said "Evolution – you either adapt or you're gone. Choose. Which one you'll choose, Jasper?"

I woke up quite early and finally showered. I was never going to admit it that I didn't want to wash any part of Bella off of me before. But, I needed her back. I had to face my issues. I didn't say the issue I was facing was with Bella, but it was something that happened way before Bella. And if I didn't try to resolve that I could never be with Bella. Before it was just easy ignoring the issue and live carefree… But I didn't anymore. I wanted Bella in my life and in order to have a chance at that I needed to grow. First though I needed to finish my shower because I heard the doorbell meaning Emmett was here.

Rosalie was right. I needed to take care of myself. What was I even doing these days? Just moping around and crying over that I wanted Bella, but I couldn't because I didn't do anything about it. It was time to pull my head out of my ass. I had to get a grip.

I let Emmett in, and I loved the already easy-going nature he had. He had to wait at the door and even though I opened it up in a towel, he smiled and hugged me. I fucking loved him, he was just such a nice person. Well… To select few. If you crossed Emmett he could be scary, I've seen it

"Hey! Rosy said you stank; you look fresh to me!" Emmett laughed.

"Hate to admit it but she was right." I smirked, come on in.

"I brought breakfast." He showed me a bag full of food and I was suddenly so fucking hungry "Where do I put it?" he looked around and saw that my place was practically empty "You need some furniture, man."

He brought some croissants and berries, fresh coffee, and pancakes. How could I live without food this long?

"So," Emmett started "Bella found out who was at fault for the picture."

I stopped mid chew and he smiled, getting the reaction he wanted "And you tell me this now? Fucking who?"

"It was her manager and get this, Maria is her girlfriend or something. They lied to Bella just to get her out, but she figured it out." He shook his head "I'll get to her though. Maria will pay one way another."

I felt a heat wave go through me as I considered what Emmett told me. Fucking Maria… Emmett could have a piece of her if he wanted. I would take Angela. Bella considered her a friend, and she had tried to ruin her "What about her job?" I asked, trying not to think violent thoughts while having breakfast.

"She still has it from what I understood." I didn't ask if they had any contact. I would be jealous at him for that and I didn't want to feel that way towards a good friend.

Emmett and I chit chatted throughout breakfast, keeping the conversation light until he had to go. He mentioned her again then "Jasper… Get Bella back… I like her for you, man." He hugged me goodbye and left.

I needed to get her back but firstly I needed to get back to work. I couldn't throw away another day away because I wasn't able to resolve a conflict in my head. Peter and my 10 am were happy to see me and I was ready to get back.

While working I didn't have time to think about anything else but the work at hand but the truth was that Bella was always in the back of my mind, no matter what I was doing. Bella wanted me to show her a BDSM lifestyle and in return she showed me a different lifestyle I had never even considered for myself. I was feeling the anxiety in the pit of my stomach. I knew I was going to her place after work. I could imagine seeing her, through the window where she would work, and if I could, I would hit myself for ever hurting her. I would ask and beg on my knees if it would come down to that. She deserved nothing but less. I would try for her. I would try for us. If she would tell me to go fuck myself, I would leave her, if she wanted that. It would be a harsh lesson for me to pay but I would do that.


	18. Chapter 18

Sue Clearwater had just gone back to where she was from, and I was left at the library-bookstore. I just had signed the papers to be the manager of the place when Sue had told me that I was a promising young woman and that she was looking forward to work with me. I was happy, for that, it felt like a completely different world in comparison to last week. I felt like I was shifting in my career in a way I wanted. She did say that I would probably be at the position for at least a year, to see how I would work in this position. I completely understood the decision and the reasoning behind it. When I asked for a higher position, I knew I might not get it, but it was important for me to get it out there.

All I missed in my life was Jasper. I didn't let my brain get there.

My first task would be to hire someone to replace my previous position. I was doing that all day, while working on different things as well. Angela left a lot of things for me to do, but I was alright with it. For one, she wasn't here, and I didn't have to think about how scummy of a person she really was. Secondly it gave me a chance to find what was what and what I needed to do.

I was about to close up, finally after a long hard day, when I heard someone knock on the glass. I jumped from the register table, spooked, and looked at who it was.

I was met with Jaspers sad eyes and I was stuck in the place. He looked horrible, like he was sick, and immediately I wondered what had happened to him. I was surprised that I saw him though. I didn't expect him to show up. Not now anyway.

He mouthed something, that I couldn't hear, and I showed him that I didn't hear him. I wished I did. I missed his voice and seeing him, I just wanted to be lost in it again. I nervously took my stuff and the keys so I could lock up. I tried to ignore how my hands were shaking the entire time I was closing the shop, especially knowing he was behind me, watching me. I always loved his eyes on me but now it was a little bittersweet.

When I went out, I thought I would hurl at the sight of him and what that would mean. Was I ready? Was he too late? He was going to break up with me.

"Hey…" I said, when I had locked the door and backed away from it coming closer to Jasper.

"Bella… I know I don't deserve it, but do you think we could talk?" Jasper said, his voice a little raspy. Wait… Was he okay? What had happened to him? If he was like that when Rosalie came, I understood her being worried. I was becoming worried as well… Perhaps he hadn't taken the break up so well… But that was wishful thinking on my part. He probably wanted to end things once and for all.

"Sure…" I answered, a little scared and not really taking in that Jasper was standing in front of me "Where do you want to talk?" in my dreams, he looked healthy and he loved me.

He looked a little relieved "I can take you home… We can talk in the car, I was thinking?"

I licked my lips thinking it over … "Are you going to be an asshole again?" I remembered how cold he had been and if he was going to turn on me like that, I am not sure my poor heart could take it.

He half smiled at my half joke, and shook his head "No. I won't."

The look on his face, his smile brought me back in a quick memory swirl. His smile was something I thought would light up my world and I always wanted it to. But the hurt he had put me through, was something I didn't expect ever. That smile made me extremely sad right now and I didn't want to face the consequences of never seeing it again.

I was panicking and I stepped away "I… I can't do this." I couldn't let him go… It just can't end like this.

I turned to leave but Jasper was trying to stop me. He didn't touch me, which I was grateful for because I think I would just about let him do anything, once I felt his touch on me again. He just pleaded "Bella, I beg of you please. Just talk to me. We don't have to go anywhere, just please talk to me. Fuck, please Bella!" He sounded more desperate with every sentence he spoke.

I turned to him, a little hope returning to my heart, as I saw the desperation on his face still present "Bella… Just let me explain, if you have it in your heart… And if you don't want me to I can fuck off."

I had agreed, hoping for the best. I sat in his car, in perfect silence. It was dark and intimate and I kind of wanted to cry because I could still feel the love for Jasper – that hadn't gone anywhere. I bit my lip, to try and stop me from doing something or saying something before he could. I know I would forgive him and take him back. But he needed to do this so we could be together – if he didn't do anything, it would mean we wouldn't be together. It was as much of a growing experience for him as it was for me.

Call it growing pains if you will.

"I wish I could explain it better than this, but… I am so afraid of becoming close to someone." He shook his head, looking heartbroken. It broke my heart in response.

"Explain it badly then, I don't care. But explain that shit. Talk." I said softly.

He sniffed and continued "I'm sorry I didn't come to you earlier; I was sick for the past week… High temperature and all that… I had some fucked up dreams though, and… I dreamed about my father. I don't remember him, just snippets of something, and then I had those dream. Well memories, really, but it came back to me. He was fighting with my mum, something they actually did a lot. I just don't usually concentrate on that. Since my father died, mum would always try to tell me these nice things he had done." He sighed "I know, it sounds stupid-"

"It doesn't… Keep going." I said trying to encourage him, my tears freely falling, in the silence. I needed to hear what he was saying.

He tried to smile at me and continued "He would just say these things… The memory was of him having a fight with my mum. She told him to go; to leave. He did but not before he told her that love doesn't exist, and she will never find a real one. I think they had a fight about something like that, although I'm not sure. On his way out he reminded me of it, saying the same thing to me." He looked at me "Bella, she never did find anyone… And I just grew up believing there was no such thing as love, and that there wouldn't be no one for me as well."

I was breathing heavier… He was talking about love. I didn't even think that he would have a problem with something so simple. Well… simple for me at least. I didn't even notice something like that before. If we got through this, and I believe we will, I will get to know this man's mind; every inch of it.

He continued "You gave me hope for love… And then, that evening." He looked at his hands "I knew I loved you Bella Swan. I think I loved you before, but then, that moment… I knew for sure… And then I had to ruin it." Jesus Christ… He said it. He told me he loved me. My breathing stopped and I tried not to overthink that he had just confessed his love for me. And now I truly knew we would get through this. He had his heart in this… I had his heart to prove it, and he had mine, not that I had said the words, but he did see it, and he knew that my heart belonged to him now.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" I said while softly crying. I wanted to tell him I loved him too, maybe even more than he loved me, but I had to ask him this, so I could put it behind my back.

"Because I was afraid you wouldn't want me... I panicked and I was over thinking everything. How you came into my life, how we started, how we were together; everything was flashing before my eyes. I couldn't sleep that night, thinking of why a person would want me... And it's not an excuse but it's easier to consider that I was protecting myself while hurting you. What I've come to learn is that I would much rather hurt myself and be vulnerable, than ever do what I did." I saw tears in his eyes as he bit his lip.

I crawled in his lap, needing to feel closer to him. I had to comfort both of us this time "Jasper Whitlock, I love you. You deserve love and you're better than you think you are. You're a beautiful person, inside and out, and your dad was a prick for saying something like that."

Jasper let his tear fall, and now both of our faces were wet, covered in tears. I leaned in and kissed him softly. He responded by hugging me closer to him "You deserve love." I said again, against his lips "And we're good for each other."

"I love you." He said again and I couldn't help but to laugh a little "I'm sorry." He continued.

I leaned back, my back resting against the wheel of the car "I can't promise you we will be good and alright for the rest of our lives, but I love you too. And I will communicate my issues with you, and I need you to do the same… If not, I'll walk away now." I said seriously. I needed for him to understand that I wanted us and I loved him but I wasn't going to let him break my heart every time he gets nervous about love. I loved him but I loved my sanity more.

He nodded "I will communicate. I'll start now. I want to be with you Bella… I want us together. I want more than a dom/sub relationship with you. I want you to meet my mum and I want you to take you out to my office parties." Jasper said leaning back against the chair, looking at me wishfully "I want to go buy groceries with you and do other mundane things that bore people out of their minds. I want to do boring things with you, and I want to keep doing what we were doing a week ago."

I pursed my lips, pretending to think about it "Hmm…" Jasper was smiling at me, looking back at me "Of course I want that. I want all the other good things too." I smiled back at him "Especially the good things." Jasper laughed a bit.

We sat in silence, just looking at each other for a second. He was back in my life and I wasn't going to let him go. There probably will be more mistakes to be made, and there will be people that won't be happy about us, but I was sure of my decision, like I never have before. My life was looking up now, and I was grateful to be a part of his life.

So, what now?

I touched his face "Take me home."

He slowly touched my face, dragging his fingers over my cheek. I could see the longing in his eyes, and I wondered if my reflected the same need. The moment was so intimate between us. I had missed his touch so much. I craved him, like he was part of the air – something I couldn't live without. I knew that I could go on, but I wouldn't have been alive, truly. He was mine and I was his, and we were finally honest and we were each others.


	19. Chapter 19

_Hi lovelies 3 So this is going to be the last chapter to this story, just a heads up. Enjoy!_

It had been a week since Jasper, and I declared our love for one another in a better, healthier way and were finally a declared item. I couldn't be happier about how the fight between us ended. I also know when you're up you are bound to come down, but I just didn't think that it would come crashing down soon. There were people who were against us, but it didn't matter. Jasper and I were on the same page, we were stronger together because we were a team. And they were a bunch of one sided, snarky, lonely people. They didn't stand a chance against us. Jasper would fight for me and I would fight for him. Our love was too fresh and too beautiful to end because of someone else would get in our heads.

Jasper stirred in his sleep, sleeping in after yesterday's festivities since he had a free day today. Since we were back together, we were going at it, not being able to keep our hands to ourselves. As I was getting dressed slowly, I already missed the feel of him inside me, or just the lusty look in his eyes when I gave him one of those smiles. I enjoyed making him want me almost to an annoying degree.

The only thing was that we were slowly going back to the dom/sub relationship as well. I had forgiven Jasper and I loved him, but we found out it was hard for me to get back into a submissive role after the way we separated before. I wished we would just go back, hundred percent, but the reality was what it was. And Jasper was there for me, guiding me all the way through the issues and worries that showed themselves. He was understanding and that only gave me more reason to trust in him and to believe again that Jasper truly was a lovely dominant.

As I was putting on my shoes, Jasper slowly woke up.

"Mmm please tell me we are going to roleplay not that you're going?" he said half asleep, with his eyes barely open.

I smiled to myself thinking that Jasper truly was a sexual person "I'm sorry baby, but how about I'll be a naughty schoolgirl when I come back?"

I was wearing a white blouse with a black, skater skirt. It wasn't as dirty as Jasper made it sound, since I was going for modest and youthful. I was happy with it and I know I could turn this look into the perverse role Jasper and myself would want to play after.

"Will I be the professor who can help with a problem you have?" He smirked.

"You will be the professor who put me in the situation I will need to beg out of!" I tried to sound angry but the playfulness I was feeling was coming through.

"I don't know how you'll beg with my cock in your mouth, but I'd love to see you try."

"Oh my god!" I laughed, not being able to hold it in anymore "Jasper!"

He smiled his lovely lusty smile "I haven't even touched you yet and you're already flushing… How am I supposed to let you leave without giving you a taste?"

I shook my head "You are insatiable, did you know that? You should have been asleep."

"Ahhh was that your master plan? To let me sleep when you leave?" he faked offense.

I didn't want to risk him being offended in real life, so I said "I wanted to run out and come back before you noticed and wake you up myself, that was my master plan. Are you jealous?" I wondered.

He leaned back "I trust you, but I can't say I like the idea." Jasper said honestly "I definitely don't trust him with you alone. I want to come as well but then it would be a different outcome than what you want and need... I am willing to sit this out and let you go meet him."

"I know. It will be okay." I promised "It's putting a period of the end of a sentence. I have to close that chapter properly." I explained to him again what we were talking about before the other night.

Edward had texted me yesterday, asking me if we were meeting up tomorrow as it marked down two months since we broke up. We did make plans to meet up after two that time being separated. Edward though that I was going to therapy and that it was a break not a breakup. Honestly, I knew I worded it wrong then and I wasn't sure if this path, Jasper and I, would succeed, and I felt shitty for leaving Edward. I should have just left him since I wasn't happy. I didn't have to give him a choice when there wasn't one. Even though when Jasper and I didn't succeed, I didn't want to go back to Edward since I knew what I wanted and it wasn't him. It will never again be him.

Edward thought that there was something wrong with me when there wasn't. I had a good time with Edward in the beginning, when I didn't need more of what Jasper could give me. Edward was under the impression I was going to go to therapy to seek out help and to sort some things out. I have no idea if he understood that therapy was not the tool, I was using to sort some things out but his roommate.

What made it awkward was that Edward knew Jasper and I were close. Alice had made sure that he knew. I don't know if it was better that Edward already knew and that I didn't have to break the news to him if I ever met him in Jaspers building or if it would have been better if I told him now. Perhaps Alice had done me a favor thinking that she was making her brother never want me again and that I would be upset. I wasn't upset, I was alright with that to be honest.

I did want to apologize to him for causing him stress for what Alice told her and, in a way, that she did break the news. And I didn't want it to be too awkward for when I would see him in the apartment building him and Jasper were living in. I didn't want to see him but I knew I would see him, the only question was when. I just wanted us to be civil, not friends. Jasper and him didn't have the best relationship before but they were able to say more than three words without getting into a fight or a nasty word exchange. Things weren't pretty when they would see one another in the halls, as Jasper had confessed to me.

Jasper wasn't sorry about us at all and that only made things worse with his interaction with Edward. He wasn't going to hide, and neither was I.

"I love you." Jasper said before I left and that only made me feel stronger for meeting my ex.

I saw Edward sitting there already when I neared the place, I couldn't help the stressful butterflies that were making their presence known in the pit of my stomach. I walked in with confidence, remembering that I had sacrificed this to have a real, true love with Jasper.

I saw that he had already gotten me a coffee, so I didn't have a chance to leave for a second after seeing him.

"Hey there." I smiled and sat down "How are you today?" I tried to already start a conversation with him since I was already feeling super awkward.

He smiled but I saw the angry and hurt look in his eyes… Here we go… "Hey… I got you a coffee."

I looked down on it and him and smiled saying "Thank you." I didn't want to drink the coffee he had gotten me. He never did things like that. Perhaps it was silly, but I would have done something to that coffee if I were him, like spit in it or something "I'm not drinking coffee today though, I'm sorry." I smiled.

"What, my coffee isn't good enough for you?" he spat back.

My eyebrows lifted up in surprise of him being so spiteful so quick "I had agreed to come today since we made a promise, but I'm not going to let you treat me like that, so if you can't talk respectfully, I'm not going to give that promise a time of my day." I might want us to be civil, but I wasn't going to grovel and say how sorry I was that I was with Jasper because I wasn't.

He closed his eyes in frustration trying to calm himself down for a second before he opened them, and I just saw sadness the anger gone for a moment "You're right. That won't be a fair discussion if I keep attacking you."

I nodded at what he said "I understand Edward. I'll just go ahead and say that I should have broken up with you before not say we are taking a break. I was scared and it was wrong to give you an idea we were going to end up together."

"Since you are already together with Jasper…" He said, "How long has that been going on?"

"We didn't sleep together or were together when you and I were together. But for the last week or so of us, him and I started to talk... When I was sure that I wanted to pursue things with Jasper, I broke things off, even though I should have done that the second we started to talk." He had the right to know.

He nodded "Why him?" I was okay with him asking his questions. I didn't have to fear that I would over share things with him he didn't need to know this way.

"There was a spark, like I hadn't felt, when we talked." I said trying to have a soft face, saying sorry with my eyes. I can't imagine anyone's ex-lover loving to hear their old flame saying this "There was an instant connection that I had to pursue."

Edwards face stayed neutral, but I knew it didn't feel good. At least he got an answer to his question.

"Is it the sex?" he asked, his chin high up.

This time I wanted to lie but I knew I had to set him free "It is a huge part of it, yes. We have the same taste and it makes it easier for us in the long run, for a better communication. Our heads are in the same place when it comes down to sex. It's in the same place in a lot of other places as well." I shrugged.

"You know Alice liked him." He suddenly changed up his way "They had a chance."

"Perhaps." I nodded, knowing that Alice was really hurt about Jasper picking me instead of her. But I also knew that Alice didn't like me for her brother making her anger into a full-on rage when it came down to me.

I continued "But then again everyone has a chance with anyone. It wasn't meant to be for them as it wasn't meant to be with you and me."

He looked down at my coffee and didn't say anything. After some silence I said "But aren't you glad we are over as well? We weren't right for each other Edward; you must have known that. Your sister didn't like me before, I'm not sure about your parent but you and me… I don't think that you're convinced in your heart of hearts that we are soul mates. I'm sorry Edward, for the wrongs that I have done, but isn't life better without me? I believe you will find a soul mate that you will feel like is a part of you that you never knew you missed, because that's what I have found with Jasper."

He nodded, still silent for a while before he spoke up "I understand… I do… It just seemed so messy for a while… Even a couple of weeks ago."

I nodded understanding what he remembered "I'm sorry Alice broke the news to you like that. It wasn't pretty for her, but I'm sure she was hurting and it's lonely when you're the only one. I would have told you anyway, I want you to know that. I think it would have saved you some heart and headache but I'm glad you know."

Edward almost was smiling as he said "I think you're right… About us not being soul mates or being right for each other actually. I'm not happy about a breakup but I see your point… There's actually a girl in my work I kind of like." He confessed to my surprise "I was thinking of trying my luck with that."

We finished fast enough, and I was heading back home to Jasper. I was happy that that part was truly closed and that I didn't have to hide or worry about something or someone seeing us and spilling the beans. I wanted to be with Jasper, and I wanted everyone to know that we were together. It was just like a rock had come off my shoulders after seeing Edward and being honest with him. I could finally breath clearly. I hoped he would feel the beautiful feeling of closure just as clearly as I was. I was happy to know that he was finding someone for him as well and he wasn't hanging onto us fully. I wish that today has set him as free as me.

I hurried back inside and called out to Jasper that I was home.

At first, I didn't get a response from him, and I thought that he might be asleep, but then I heard him "Is that you miss Swan? Have you come to talk about your unsatisfactory behavior in my class that you are failing?"

Butterflies returned to my stomach, and I could feel the slight adrenaline spiking my wetness. I was excited that he hadn't forgotten the promise.

"I'm sorry mister Whitlock, is this a bad time?" I played along, as I hurried to pull my tights and panties down, pushing my skirt higher up, and opening my blouse more.

I didn't have the time to take off my bra since he called me in my bedroom "You better come in and stop wasting more of my time."

When I walked in Jasper was dressed in his clothes from yesterday, a blazer and button up, with some trousers. He could be anything he wanted to be, and I would play along with him being a fashionable professor.

"Well?" he said, as he checked me out "Don't you have anything to say to me?" his face was pissed off and I was loving it.

"Hmm…" I pretended to think about it "I'm sorry for being so bratty in class… It's just that I don't think you challenge me enough academically."

I could see the surprise on his beautiful face as he stood up "So you think it's my fault you're a bratty little girl?"

"Sounds like it, mister Whitlock." I loved pushing his buttons. I know that if I would have played the sorry student beginning to pass her, he would have loved it was well. But at the end of the day this was what made his blood boil and it made things more interesting between us… Not that we needed it.

"Well… You're the professor, aren't you?" I raised my eyebrow at him.

He came closer to me and it took all in me not to turn away and run from his intense glare. When he came closer to me he smiled slowly, a sadistic smile, and grabbed a handful of my hair, twisting his fingers in and yanking my head back "You want to try that again little girl?" he threatened me.

"No." I gasped, getting more and more hornier as the time passed "You should be a better professor, I mean what are we payi-" I didn't get to finish my sentence as he yanked me again, and pushed me against the wall.

Jasper put the other hand between my legs and when he found there was nothing in his way he said "Miss Swan, you're not so innocent yourself. Always a big mouth and now this? You're not a proper student, you're just a little whore."

I couldn't help but to moan as he said those lewd words to me as his finger was pushing inside. I tried to think of a witty comeback, but nothing was forming in my head. Jasper took this opportunity to push an extra finger in and curl them, pushing them against my g-spot, pushing against it and working it so fast that my head was spinning from the sudden pleasure.

"What was that?" he said as I moaned "You seem you're enjoying this."

I was about to cum when he stopped, and I cried out. This was the first time he edged me since we were back.

"See?" I said almost tired "You're not doing your job."

He started to work his fingers almost in an even more ferocious pace than before making me cry out.

"Listen baby, what you need to see is that it's not my job to do everything for you. You're a little whore that needs to be put in place." When he finished his sentence, I was about to cum again when he stopped again.

I didn't have the time to react to it since he pushed me down on my knees "What you need to learn is to respect and please your educators if you want them to give back. You understand?"

I nodded, almost crazy with want and the need to cum, I reached for his zipper, when slapped my hands away and leaned down, almost looking truly angry "Ask. Me."

"Can I please suck your dick? Please? Can I suck your cock mister Whitlock? I really want it." I didn't care that my begging was almost over the top; I was in love with him and I was in love whit how he made me feel.

"You're learning." He nodded "Of course you can."

I hurriedly opened his zipper and took him out and in my mouth. I moaned as I tasted him, and I could feel him relax as I gently sucked and got him wet. He didn't push his hands in my head, letting me do my thing whit him.

I knew that he wanted to. I knew that his dominant side was screaming at him to guide me and boss me around, but he wasn't doing that. He knew he was being dominant enough, harsh enough for me to handle right now. He hadn't been this harsh to me since we got back and I knew he knew my limits – that was the great thing about being with a dominant for a while; him knowing what you could take and how much.

I was enjoying him in my mouth, but I knew he was getting harder and closer to cumming himself. I applauded mentally for him when he pushed me up again, against the wall. Before he could say anything, I said "I'm sorry I was such a brat mister Whitlock. Please fuck me and make me cum." I pleaded with him, fearing that he might not do one or another.

He smiled and kissed me deeply that took me by surprise "Perhaps not such a bad student after all." He said as he opened my blouse more and pushed my breasts out of the bra. He leaned down and sucked on my nipple making me push my head against the wall. The pleasure shoot through me from my nipple right to my clit and I was close to crying for him to fuck me.

He pushed my legs open and I hitched them on his hips. He slowly positioned himself against him and before he slammed in me, he said "God, I missed you." Breaking the wall of pretend that we didn't care about anymore.

"Fuck!" I cried out as he entered me fully and stayed there for a while, giving my core a second to adjust to him.

He pushed out and back in deeply again, staying still for a second again. Then he repeated it again and again, making me call out to god that I had no business to mention when he was fucking me. I could feel all the knots tightening in me and I knew I was going to come over the edge if he moves again and I knew he was going to do it.

"Can I cum?" I asked for the first time in a while. I knew he would love that I did that, and it was a way of me letting him know I was becoming more comfortable with me as a submissive again.

He kissed my jaw as he slowly, almost painfully pulled out when he said "You may cum." And then he slammed back in me and I unraveled, moaning Jaspers name.

I should have known that it wouldn't have ended with that.

Just as I was breathing normally, he picked up his place slowly, starting from gentle strokes ending in rough movements I was loving. My need to cum spiked up again and I couldn't help but to want to cum again "Oh Jasper!" I moaned "Fuck! You're so good!" I couldn't help myself to compliment my boyfriend.

"You're mine." He said against my neck "Say it." I could feel him coming close to where I was building up to be. I was almost there again, slowly the sweet tingle almost pushing me over the edge "Fucking say it." He demanded again as I felt his movements become more and more rougher. I knew he was going to cum soon.

I felt myself slip over the edge as he was ordering me to tell him what he already knew his jealous nature showing; something that doesn't happen often "I'm yours! Fuck! I'm yours just yours."

Jasper moaned louder and shuddered as he was cumming himself. He emptied himself in me and I couldn't help but to love the way he was with me. He was rough and soft with me; he knew my limits and he knew what I needed and when I needed it. He was the perfect partner for me.

I knew he wasn't perfect, neither was I, but I was sure as hell in love with him and he was in love with me. I knew we would only become stronger and stronger as time would come, and I was excited to see what it was going to be like. We still had so much to learn about each other, but we had a good base to build off of and I couldn't be happier or grateful for that. I truly loved this man and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that we were meant to be together and that we would make it no matter what.

_So, this story has reached the end. I just wanted to let you guys know that reading your reviews has been the thing that has made me so happy in this time, knowing that you guys enjoyed reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it. I loved every single one of the reviews, and it made me write faster and with more passion – I hope that every single one of you know that. You have all been so awesome to me and I hope every single one of you have a good day ahead of you! Thank you for following this story and I hope you'll keep reading what I keep writing – surely there will be something up again soon ___


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